Footprint

When you look back at your life, do you remember yourself in places that you wish you'd never gone? Are there relationship scars in your memory that you wish you could erase from your heart? "If only I would have..." are words that seer my thinking often when I turn to look at who I once was, who I hurt, and the places I went where I should have never been. Regret is a harsh teacher, Jesus is not.

In 14 years of college ministry at The Chapel at CrossPoint, I have spoken with countless young women who are burdened with the guilt of their mistakes...wrong decisions that cost them more than they could afford. Why don't we realize that what feels like the freedom to choose SELF is really a lifetime sentence of guilt? Nothing declares to me more boldly that we were created in the image of God, than the excruciating ache of despair in the midst of our self driven choices. In their tears, in their pain - I encourage every broken girl with the truth that God's image is imbedded in her. If that were not true, she would not sense His Spirit urging her to turn to Him.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you are there...Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting."
Psalm 139:7-9,23-24

The guilt I have felt is a gift of God's Spirit leading me to Himself. I do not look back with tears of regret, but tears of awe and wonder now overwhelm me because I realize the GREAT love that pursued me into the heights of my arrogance; down in  the depths of my selfish pursuits, and never let me go.

"Great is Thy Faithfulness, Oh God - My Father. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. All Thou has been Thou forever wilt be."

Vintage small groups are reading Psalm 119:97-112 today for our Bible study. We read independently - the same Scripture - all week long and then discuss what God has taught us when we get together after Vintage on Tuesday. I love being in step with these young women! God has used the gift of mentoring to spur me on in my relationship with Him. Their faces - their names on my heart - are a tool that God uses  to remind me - young hearts are hoping in Christ in me. I cannot see His face - but I can see theirs. I look to them, and I see He is present. God knows how we need one another to grow forward. I can't help but wonder where I would be without the young women God has placed in my life.

So this morning, as I read this Psalm, joy filled my heart. I had to write. I just had to.

"Oh how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long!" God has poured joy for His Word over the sorrow of my regret apart from Him.

"I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path." Passion for what will destroy me, keeps me running toward my God.

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." My parents no longer hold that lantern, as it was for me in my childhood. I have chosen to reach for the Word of God every day. 

"I have taken an oath and confirm it, that I will follow your righteous laws." This oath is to me more vital than the vows of my marriage, because it holds me in love to every relationship - everything that is dear to me, so that I will not cause pain.

"Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end." This is my fight song. For Jesus who freely gave Himself that I might live a  Kingdom life  with ZEAL. Holy Spirit, you are IN ME!

Grateful this morning to inhale and exhale Truth with my Vintage Babes.

Choices are waiting to be made for King Jesus today - that need not be lost in self - but can be found - like a footprint on a lighted garden path.