google images

I love google. I go there for so much! too much! What did we ever do without google? My children will never know the old smell of an encyclopedia, I'm afraid. Or what it means to research exclusively through a card catalog. I love that smell, too. I even loved the sound of the drawers opening and closing. Now - the click - click - click of my computer and the smell of whatever I have in the oven or even this dog curled up at my feet - are the smells that surround me.... I like the dog, so it's okay.

How valuable is an instant resource of images - definitions - explanations - direction - when it comes to learning! and now with my little ones - who always seem to want to know the strangest most wonderful things...like...what is the biggest shark in the world? or who in the world has held their breath the longest? or what is the biggest dog in the world? (wonder what he smelled like...) Google is most definitely a wonderful tool for learning. However - I do believe God has used it long before it came across our computer screens. And it's only now that I realized it...(slow learner. patient God)

Jesus told stories. No power point. No flannel graph. No handouts. Not even a chalk board...He told them orally - and yet googled up powerful images while he spoke. How?...indeed how. The mind. The heart. The life to which he speaks is a plethora - (googled spelling of plethora) - of images that are not just vivid - but personal.

The life to which he speaks is a plethora of images that are vivid - and PERSONAL.

The question is, will the listener move past the words that she hears into the images of her own life that so tenderly, colorfully, intimately give meaning to His Love?

I will never forget the first time this happened to me. It was 4:30 a.m. I was alone in my husband's house. It was not mine. It was not ours. He was gone all night without explanation. I was awake all night wondering why. This life could not be mine. This life I had chased after, far from my God, and deep into my own desires was a nightmare. What had I done? "OH MY GOD, NO!" I screamed. I screamed long and hard into the dark - the empty, cold, dark of that little ranch, that was not the castle I had dreamed of but rather a dungeon that my own desires had lured me into. What would I do now? I was trapped. Or was I? There on my knees and over my sobbing - one verse came to mind. How? How in the midst of such emotion and lack of clarity could a verse come to my hysterical, confused and scared mind...God. The miracle and wonder and purpose of the Spirit of God in flesh...God was with me, watching me, all along and had never, ever forsaken me - despite the fact I had literally flipped Him off years ago. And He did not consume me in those days with fire or strike me with holy lightning or disease - but because of His grace, He let me live in what I wanted - what I'd ask for...separation from Him. Silence from His influence. Until this moment when I cried out to Him.
OH FOR THE TEACHABLE MOMENTS!!! when the learner will hear... and receive...

This teachable moment was God's and He gave it to me - ...and with it He changed every other moment from then on. Open heart - yawning for help...I heard the Words - and I saw the images of my life - BIG SCREEN- before my eyes...and I knew God spoke to me - His eye on me - His arms around me - my heart in His hands...safe and loved... He said:

"Fear not." - and I saw this marriage that I believed was a safe place, but was not - at all.

For I am with you." - I saw my sin. All of it. I'll spare you. (My mother can read now - two years past her stroke! praise God! so no details...) And I was in horror - humbled - embarrassed - that God saw it all. How proud and arrogant I had been in so many of those moments - ... But I did not feel His horror - His embarrassment of me - just his love - and why??? only because of the Words He continued to speak...in that moment...

"Be not dismayed." - All of it was right where He was - loving me.

"For I am your God." - I did not live like He was my God - and the images I saw were of all the gods I'd lived for...on the throne was me. Just me. But God was there...watching me. letting me. loving me. immovable in His love - despite my unfaithfulness - my disgusting parade of lust. What would I do now? How could I ever be free? Be clean? I am so dirty. Buried. I saw the house. The marriage. The people. Everything that was supposed to be good - but that held me stagnant in this filth.

"I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I learned this verse in 6th grade - and had not considered it once in all my days since. It was rote; it was my parent's influence; - it was not my life's persuasion. Of this I am most certain and so are you, right??? - Those of you who knew me then - and saw me living life for me - you know this is true.

As I sat there - realizing all of this .... I could not fully understand the end of that verse...not one image came to mind of the outcome - of how to get to a place of help and strength and whatever righteousness would mean - just a sense that I would be okay. That God was with me. No punishment - my own choices had punished me enough. Only help. Only strength - only His clean hand that would take me out and over this hole. What I would do next ... was live by faith. I called my brothers. Both of them. Both loved me - both loved God. One set my head on straight. The other one moved me out. And the rest - well... the rest is the history that paints the images of my life - and ignite the truth of God's Word. They are mine to hold before Him - unashamed - and He has touched every one.

It still happens. Not the running away from God. I run to Him forever now. The google up images are what happens - when I read and seek the Word of God over my life. To every prayer there is the Word of God - that my God - my ever present Father - who sees my life and has watched, and allowed the download of every file; - He meets with the images of this life and brings them to my heart - my mind. He tells me the story that illuminates His Word so that I will not miss Him.

Only today I heard of a tragedy...one that I cannot bear - because I do not understand bad things that happen without purpose...and I went with this image and my tears - my fear - to His Word. And He spoke softly - bringing to mind the day my father died...senselessly... in a car accident... how I sat in the backseat of a car - whose car? I don't even remember... driving "home" to a home that would never be the same again...Where are you God? Where are you in this? today....for this family?

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills; from whence comes my help?" People surrounded us. Meals. Moving was made possible. Love was given. A hand to hold. Provision we could not have imagined or realized we needed - was there.

"My help comes from the Lord," The faces I cannot remember - but it was God. He is love.

" who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2 It is all His - this broken world - and this heaven that I long for apart from tears and pain. He made it, and is with me in it all. And I only know that from the Word that followed...

"As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever." Psalm 125:2

"Pray for one another, that you may be healed." James 5:16

He is right here. Right here with me. Right there with them. And He has impressed me to pray for them and those affected - and has impressed me to be His active hands - His everlasting love - that is often faceless and nameless images for those who receive it.

one moment.

It was one moment. Just once. Does that really determine everything?

To me...yes.

One moment changed my life a thousand times. Just once. And everything was determined.
I received a diploma.
I broke a heart.
I said good-bye.
I lied.
I said yes.
I said no.
I went in that house.
I left and never went back.
I drove away.
I arrived.
I took a drink.
I took a drag.
I called in sick.
I bought a car.
I over-slept.
I lost my keys.
My father died.
My mother remarried.
My divorce was finalized.
My house was empty.
My apartment was full.
I passed the test.
I had an interview.
The phone rang.
The job was mine.
He smiled at me.
I smiled back.
I said I do.
and so did he.
I held my daughter.
I held my son.
I signed my resignation.
I gave in.
I let go.
I held on.
I crossed the finish line.
She bought me a ticket.
I climbed aboard.
I saw the mountains.
I saw those eyes.
The war was over.
He prayed with me.
I prayed for them.
We prayed together.
I confessed.
He did too.
I was well.
She had a stroke.
I said I would go.
She could not walk.

We walked the mall.
I drove home.
I hugged them tight.
They hugged me tight.
The sun went down.
and there was peace.
The sun came up.
Here we are again today. 24 hours of moments.

One moment has in fact changed everything.
Many times. And so because of that. Yes. Every moment - to me - one alone - defines the next of everything else that follows.

wait for it.

Have you ever rushed into something - that seemed like it was going to be so good - because after all - THIS was what you were waiting for...and then CRASH - you find yourself in a pile of rubbish - at least rubbish of sorts???

I have done this. I have done this many times. Too many. A move. A job. A piercing. A jet ski. A house. A car. A date. A marriage. A trip. A dress. There were purchases, places, people, great pursuits along my rushing way that imploded on me simply because I did not wait. Because - why?I am the master of my own destiny. I say who - I say when - I say how - I say where (can you hear Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?). At least this was my thinking then. Wait? what for? It's here. It's now. It's...dun-dun-dun...what I want. That's the heart of the matter anyway - right? It's what I want.

I am so grateful! So, so grateful!!!!! that God changed my heart...softly, gently, without condemnation - only with a broom and a mop...and His Word wrapped around my heart to heal my wounds and dry my tears...So grateful for the grace of God! No one - no philosophy - no argument that could be possibly given for the existence of my God - can remove what His Word - He alone - has done in this heart of mine. He won my heart - and I am never letting Him go.

So, having learned the hard way - after all these years - I am in a waiting place once again...but this time - I will wait. I dare not move on my gut instinct, in a weak moment, in a clever thought of rationalization...I will wait. For what? For what indeed. I don't know! Ha! How insane is that?!?! I am waiting on my God - and truly - in this circumstance I have no idea what that direction, that inspiration, that Word will look like. I only know this - to move forward without Him - is my downfall. And actually, I'm not stymied here in the waiting. I am blessed! Better is one day in the courts of God before Him - than a thousand elsewhere. So I am hanging out here - worshiping my God in today - with all that today is purposed to hold. And I will wait silently with MUCH HOPE. I know that I know that I know - what God has done. And I know that I know that I know - He is able to do much more than I could ever hope for or imagine...and so - I will wait.

Psalm 106:13 "...They forgot what He Had Done...and did not wait for His plan to unfold."
Psalm 106:13

Noah waited on God. Abraham, too - he waited. Moses waited. Esther waited. Jacob waited. Rahab waited. Joshua waited. Elijah waited. Isaiah waited. David waited. John waited. Mary waited. Joseph waited. Peter waited on God - and Paul he waited, too....and was it because they knew what it was like to move ahead without waiting. Perhaps. Perhaps indeed.

Have faith in God.

Amazing what I ask God for. The nerve of me, ya know? Amazing what I know and believe He is able to do. Amazing what I doubt, and never ask for. Amazing what I am not, and amazing what He has made me to be. For all of it - I am so dependent on Him. Like breathing. Like moving my hands across a keyboard. Like a worth while thought. He is my Creator. He is my God. He is my all. Do I really believe that?

I'm studying faith; faith that is not fully defined by Webster - because I did go there - and was left wanting;...faith that the Bible defines by those who moved in it. Distinct loyalty. Motivated by love and hope. I don't get it fully if at all. However, I am inspired as I watch it move on the pages of God's Word - literally come to life in my heart through the people He chose to demonstrate it...And sensing the fullness of it overflow from people to God's purposes - to the pages I read, and my own gift of life here and now - I do long for more of it... overflowing from person to purposes. So,I'm not sure understanding it is really the answer. However, I do know that asking for it - and receiving it - most definitely is. I have been given a gift, and with it I long to please God - by His design of it - by His design of me for it.

I read this morning in Mark 11, about how Jesus had cursed a fig tree that did not produce fruit. It did not do what it was designed to do - and it would never bear fruit again. Then Jesus arrived at the temple, and there it was being used as a market place - for the buying and selling of goods - not what it was designed to be. The temple was to be a house of prayer for the nations - and it was being used for self-profit. This resonates with me. - Believers are the temple of God...and what is our God intended purpose...("Go out and preach the gospel to all nations" - not self profit...) and how do we move in that? My heart hurts. Back to text I go. There's more to realize...Jesus was angered by the perversion of God's design. Upon leaving the city the disciples and Jesus passed by the fig tree that Jesus had cursed - and it was withered. The disciples were amazed by this display - this proof of power. Can you imagine your own reaction? You heard Jesus curse it - and then you saw it dead. I would have been flipping out. Cuz who does that?

Jesus is a wise teacher - and the path he takes with his students is laid with scaffolding of GREAT purpose.

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and do not doubt in your heart but believe that what you say will happen, it will be done for you. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins."

Now here is where I pulled up a chair with the Lord and I thought almost out loud alongside of Him in my family room. "Lord - why with such a great display of power - mountain thrusting - would you add that while I pray - I take on the task of forgiving - and also ask you to forgive me?" This is almost ludicrous in my mind. I mean - if I were standing there listening to you tell me I could take a mountain and throw it into the sea - I would be getting so fired up - pumped with power that I had actually watched you display in a small way on that fig tree... -I'd be up on my tiptoes ready to run and give it a try - and then you say - "if you hold anything against anyone - forgive them, so that my Father in heaven may forgive your sins." You just leveled me.

Silence.

That was indeed the point.

Mountain thrusting - purposeless in my design. And yet - this is what fired me up. My purpose is to live in relationship to others - and to God ... in love. He has given me this power - and yet, do I assert it at all - with any kind of belief - any kind of enthusiasm.

How silent the moment must have been that followed. Nothing is written of their response, but I felt it in my own heart. Faith from person - to purpose on the pages of the living Word- to me. The heels that were raised to run to the mountains - lowered slowly in humility when they considered the true task at hand. Forgiveness to be given. Forgiveness to be received.

What a teacher. What a great teacher. Will I have faith in God enough to forgive others - and to believe that He indeed has forgiven me? Will I move in that life giving - burden releasing - power surging faith on the very tips of my toes - believing and moving in that faith with great enthusiasm and power? This is my purpose. My mountain thrusting purpose in Christ.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength....Love your neighbor as yourself....You are not far from the kingdom of God." Mark 12:30, 31, 34

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, love - but the greatest of these is love." I Cor. 13:13

"We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work, produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that HE has CHOSEN you..." I Thessalonians 1:2-4

This is great faith.