The bold and the beautiful.

Do you watch Miss America? Crazy beauty, right? Just... wow.

I used to hate to watch Miss America when I was little. I can remember sitting on my best friend's couch with our eyes focused on the t.v. and aching over the beauty of those women - the beauty that I, myself, did not possess. Jealousy gurgled and surged through my veins. Critical self examination loomed and pervaded for weeks. No matter what I put on, did, imitated, I could not be perfect beauty - ever.

So, with complete dissatisfaction in myself - my broken inward gaze glared outward to find fault in others. My goal: How can I make ME feel better about ME??? The hope of finding one thing wrong with a woman who possessed the gift of perfect beauty was born in those adolescent days. I would never feel good about me unless I could find something - ANYTHING - wrong with the beautiful girl. But this wasn't something I could share with anyone - talk about - get help with. I had to hide it; - I had to struggle to keep that inner ache as quiet as possible, because how ugly - right? UNLESS - hmmmm...unless someone else had the same sick parasite that I did. THEN - I knew it was safe to reveal my own. All it would take was one whisper of criticism toward another person - and I could exhale the poison that was brewing in my own mind and heart. That poison in our heart always finds a way out. Doesn't it? Why? It was never meant to be there.

Truth #1. "So God created human beings in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female created He them." Genesis 1:27

Adolescents grow up and our parasites grow with us. The "ME" poison just gets expressed differently. I used to think how easy and small were the sins of my youth. The consequences of lying, cheating, being disrespectful to my parents, or talking about a beautiful girl behind her back, as was my adolescent carnage; - these sins seemed so small compared to getting drunk, stealing, or having sex before I was married. Not so. Not so. The consequences of living for myself, while visibly different, INTERNALLY - in the unseeen depths of the heart - the consequence for each expression of "ME" on this earth is the same. All are poison. All kill the soul. You with me? Same poison. Same consequence. Death.

Truth #2. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

The glory of God is life; life that sustains life. Holy. Perfect. Life. We were created in that image. Can you even imagine? Life that seeks to sustain life. Life that only wants LIFE for someone else. That I could live for the purpose of helping someone else live...BOLD - beautiful thought. But ummm....yeah - what is THAT life?

Truth 3#. "In HIM was life, and this life was the light of all men." John 1:4

Jesus is the picture of Life. What it looked like to provide, heal, nourish, socialize, rescue, encourage, instruct, correct, rebuke, forgive, and die to self for others. He is the way, the truth, THE LIFE.

The image of Jesus is what we were meant to know, BE, and extend. But somehow the fullness of the image of Jesus drowns in Me poison. How can I give up Me to live for you? Life apart from ME thoughts - ME motivations. Only. YOU. So that what flows from me - has nothing to do with me - but only extending JESUS - LIFE - to you. AND how is it possible for someone to receive THAT from us??? Because seriously - even Jesus had skeptics. Is the person we are loving - the person we are trying to breathe LIFE into - gonna choke on our efforts - because SERIOUSLY??? Aren't they really thinking, "YOU are going to love ME without an agenda???

HOW is LIFE in Jesus possible? I'm dying here under thoughts of failure! I see the breakdown and hear the breakdown...everywhere!!! AND I AM GUILTY of this breakdown.

You might be thinking, Laura Lewis! Get a grip!!! I do have a grip. I have a grip on the heart that was before me Monday night at Panera. My grip is around a beautiful girl who spoke to me of the church family she has separated herself from. We were talking about love on the heels of Valentine's day - and how to love others well. The conversation turned to how she is not loved - by believers especially. "No one wants good things for me. Everyone is waiting for me to fail." And I just ache. The beautiful girl. The girl who has a beautiful life. She is aching for love. My heart begins to crack. A knot curls up in my stomach. I would love to SMASH that window of condemnation that I, MYSELF, have often stood in front of to size up someone else for no. good. reason.

"But I want good things for you!" I told her through tears that well up in my eyes as I realize I WAS among the girls that sought to find failure in the beautiful ones. And I KNOW - I could be that infected girl again in a minute if I gave into the concocted POISON of:
sassy shoe,
purse,
new house,
perfect skin,
hard body,
dream vacation,
YOUTH,
career,
or hair ENVY.

BUT here's the thing; I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be the little girl who hated watching Miss America - ANYMORE! The one who can find the littlest fault in the good bestowed on others. - I REFUSE to go for that poison anymore - I want to run from it. You're with me in this right? We want to stay clear of it with everything that God has taught us about what that running from ENVY looks like in our head, and in our heart, and with our tongue.

So, in this time with her - where I am so saddened by what she has experienced, I quickly consider that I am with her NOW - and I am her church family NOW - resurrected in new life - who has been forgiven and now hates the poison that seized me once upon a time, and who can see this poison clearly because it was MY OWN.

And so I realize... we get to Love out of the forgiveness we have been shown, out of the healing we have experienced. Out of who we were and who God has made us through those hard learning experiences. I get to be the poisoned - adolescent girl - healed.

And so I thought... BOLDLY tell her YOU LOVE HER!

And so I did! I most certainly did! And I got to tell her how sorry I am for the way she has been treated, on behalf of myself - and our church family, with all the honesty of who I was - my own guilt, and what God has done, and IS STILL doing in me daily to keep me from hurting others out of envy. AND in loving her - I don't need to put a tongue lashing beat down on everyone else who is causing pain - because I AM EVERYONE ELSE! I am capable of wrong all the time. SO, out of love for those who failed her, who are forgiven just as I am, I need to love the heart that is in front of me - without any kind of ME poison spewing out about anyone or anything.

We get to LOVE freely, exhaling alll the POISON concocted of self. That poison in us - in others - has been forgiven - once and for all - totally absorbed on the cross. What a gift to be given His Spirit, in place of that poison, that teaches us His Way. His Truth. His Life, AND that bears tasty, juicy, succulent fruit - fruit that will last to SUSTAIN LIFE.

My words fall way short of what my heart is locked in on. Extend what we have been given - extend what we realize IS NOW and HAS BEEN grace to us. Extend it one heart at a time. God is faithful to penetrate the heart. He does it. He has done it. He will never stop. Ever.

Truth #4. Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

May we be so bold. so beautiful.