TweenTime

This is a message for the tweens in my life. I get to share GOD's love and TRUTH at my daughter's middle school group today. My heart overflows with excitement! Please pray with me that hearts grow to seek and serve the living God! I Thess. I:9! Here is the message:

I wonder how many times you have been asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I love that you think about this and even dream about it with us some times. It's good to have dreams and goals that will help you achieve them. But I want to ask you something different, a question that I doubt you have been asked quite as much. You ready?

What do you want to be today? Do you know what you are and can be right now?

You are God's unique design. He planned you and purposed you, and yes, that means for right now. As children sometimes I think we focus too much on what we will be when we grow up, and in doing that we miss the power God has in us - for us - right now.

Consider King Josiah. Do you know about him? He became king of  Judah at the age of 8. In the 2 Book of Chronicles, the 34th chapter, Josiah's story is told. It says, "In the eighth year of his reign, while he was still young, he began to seek the God of his father David." The chapter goes on to tell how one of the priests in the temple found the book of the Law that God had given to Moses, and read it to Josiah. "When the king (Josiah) heard the words of the Law, he tore his robes" He was so upset! Can you imagine being so upset you tear your clothing? But Josiah didn't just get mad; he put his righteous anger to good use. This young king " ... removed all the detestable idols from all the territory belonging to the Israelites, and he had all who were present in Israel serve the lord their God. As long as he lived, they did not fail to follow the Lord, the God of their ancestors."

I have so much respect for this kid! He was young! He was called! He was appointed! And God gave Him everything He needed: Power, Influence, Leadership Skills, and The Word of God -  to live for God and lead others to live for God.

My favorite thing about this kid - he had NO IDEA that God was going to bring through him the KING of all KINGS. Josiah is listed in Matthew 1 as one of the members of Jesus earthly family. Check it out for yourself. I am not kidding you. Did God reward Josiah or what? Not only is his story told for you and I to know him and respect him, but he is linked for eternity to the Son of God.

Now - what about you? I know what you're thinking. "This is a Bible story, lady, and besides that - this is about a king. We're KIDS!"

I hear you, but being a young person does not limit God in you. God uses kids. He used Josiah as a child, David as a child, Mary was just a young girl, Isaac the son of Abraham was a child - and even as a baby, Jesus commanded the presence of angels, shepherds, and kings. A young boy gave Jesus his lunch and fed thousands! YOU can be used of God at any age. Do you believe it? You need to. I'll tell you why.

Doubt is one of the enemy's greatest weapons against us. Curled up in the branch of a tree, the ancient beguiler whispered to Eve, "Did God really say?..." DOUBT! planted in her heart, and so she did.
THAT being said -

1. First of all, you need to know your created purpose is directly connected to Jesus.
John 15:5-6 "I am the vine you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do NOTHING." - emphasis added by me - of course.

The wonder and amazement of the created thing is not JUST the thing itself. The thing itself is just a shell without the LIFE within it.

Consider a cardboard box. It's so much fun to create something out of this scrap of nothing. Kids make forts, and robots, boats and planes - just out of cardboard. But without the kid in it - what fun is it. What does it do. It's just a thing - with no life to it. And think about this, too...put the wrong thing in the cardboard box creation - and it just doesn't work the same...you know - like your dog, or your next door neighbor, Mr. Huberduberdingleschnocker. (names changed to protect the innocent)

The box is shaped into the creator's purpose, just like you. The size of it, shape, color - nothing external about that box determines the value of it. The only - ONLY - ONNNNLLLLYYYY thing that will ever determine the value of what is inside - is the one who gives it LIFE - just like YOU.

God created you for a purpose - and that purpose is directly connected to the LIFE that is JESUS in you.

2. Secondly, you are equipped with everything you need to serve God.

I Peter 4:10

2 Peter1:3

God did not sell you short on materials. You have what you need now to serve God RIGHT where HE has placed you.

Think about what you are good at. The abilities and talents God has given you are for you to use and CHOOSE to serve God. But I want you to understand something else. The life inside of you - that is given to you because YOU HAVE JESUS - is a part of our God. His Spirit - what He is good at - is in you. YES! I am not joking.

The Biblical term for having a part of God in you - is your "SPIRITUAL GIFT". It's like God took a part of Himself - His ability and wrapped it up in you. Is that crazy or what? I know! You wanna know some examples of this God talent you - YES YOU - may possess right now - and be really good at - right now???

Serving. Teaching. Giving. Healing. Mercy. Leadership (Josiah!). Knowledge. Faith. Wisdom.
These are only examples. You can read about more in Romans 12 and I Corinthians 13, and even there you won't find all of the things God can make us able to do by His Spirit. The possibilities are HUGE!

Any ideas about what you are good at? What God might have given you as a part of Himself for here on earth? Ask someone what they think. Others can sometimes identify our gifts from God better than we can.

The real question is...are you using this gift? Because...we alllll need you to! Not when you grow up either. We need you now! In your home; in your school, on the ball field, at the park, hanging out wherever you are...the part of God that He placed in you - with your physical talents and abilities - in the shape and size and design of YOU...is needed NOW.

3. Which brings me to my third point. You have been chosen and appointed with purpose.
Chosen means selected specifically, and appointed - well - this just seals the deal because that means the decision was made beforehand. Careful thought was given to the choice - of - you. ILOVETHAT! How do I know that? Good question! A disciple is a follower. Jesus had 12 disciples originally, but now - he has many disciples. We are his disciples. John 15 was written to the disciples, or followers, of Jesus. He said to us, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit - fruit that will last."

This isn't farming. This fruit is the stuff of God - the stuff that eternal life is made of. We are capable, because of Christ, of producing eternal things. YES! I know! I'm freaking out with you! Cause I thought I would only ever be good at making brownies! They're gone in minutes!

4. So what do we do with this great information? My next to last point... I know you're getting antsy, so I'll be quick. Here is point #4. Ask God to accomplish what He has given you to wish for. What do I mean by that? Well, Jesus said, you can ask for what you wish. John 15:7-8. But this doesn't mean an Ipad for you to play with or your own phone. This wish of ours - that God wants to bring about - is placed in us by God's Spirit too.NOTHING of God is for self. Everything of God is for others.

Jesus said, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you" - because remember, you always have a choice... - "...ask whatever you wish." So, God's Word in us will direct our wishing. For example: Reading about King Josiah - GIVE ME SOME OF THAT INFLUENCE! Right? King Josiah rocked for the kingdom of God. God's Word in our hearts - changes our desires. Which brings me to my very last point.

5. It's not about us. Serving others will glorify God and bring you JOY.

Our world is sooooo much about becoming and doing for self glory. Hard not to be! Stuff and popularity are powerful tools of the enemy. You, however, can overcome that lame duck power if you have God's Word in you and you want to overcome it. Remember - it's a choice.

Jesus said, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:9-13

Your created purpose is directly connected to Jesus. What Jesus did for us - He wants you and I to do for others. He changed the WORLD! And He's still doing it - by His Spirit - and through His disciples that choose Him.

Think about it. The way God has made you - the place He has set you down on earth - your chosen and appointed life and time in 2012...What are you going to do with it?

Don't think small. Think great! God didn't say don't ask for great things. He said nothing is greater than laying your life down for your friends. Ask Him to show you how you can do this very great thing today.

We are all waiting and hoping on Christ - IN YOU.
LOVE!

stay at home mom

You gave me a job.
I gave it back.
Because you gave me a child.
Twice.
I loved them more.
You have always
 provided all we need
And more.
I will pursue nothing
without you.

You are the Giver.
My hands are open.
My heart is
Longing for you,
and no vain pursuit will satisfy.

Lord, what would you have me do?
The laundry is done.
Cupboards are full.
The house is clean,
quiet
empty for hours
of the day.

Fills these hands.
Please.
Give me good work to do.
Work that will last beyond
books on shelves no longer studied,
and recylcled
papers
written on - long ago,
now stale with
old ideas.

You are the Giver.
Of every good and perfect
Gift.
I wait for you.
Because you have never
left me
unsatisfied.

teaching my child about sex.

I am always hungry to learn.LOTS to learn in this life of which I have NO CLUE! Right? Ya with me in that?  My daily prayer: "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from your law." I walked in ignorance for too long to trust my own way of thinking.

However - we can't have our eyes opened to God's law, or in other words, His precepts, - unless we are reading it, right? So, I look forward to time reading, studying, learning - realizing what God would have me learn for today...and possibly what may be comin' round the corner.

Last summer I had the amazing privilege of teaching my daughter about sex. What a moment for us together with our God. She was wide eyed, inquisitive, soft hearted, and so amazed. (I used Before I Was Born, by Carolyn Nystrom. Great book for teaching the miracle of life!) This was a beautiful  moment for me to see understanding come to my daughter's eyes, as I had hoped no one else had reached her mind and heart before God's design for sex could make a first impression. My hand in hers - my eyes to hers - our hearts together - we pressed into the truth and miracle of how life begins and God's design for sex in marriage.

I knew this "talk" was not going to be entirely easy or lovely for me, since I did not adhere to this design in my own life.  (I told a little bit of my story to our college group - Vintage - at our church). If she would ask did I wait for marriage to have sex - I knew I would not lie to her - but tell her my story of living a part from God's Word. And ask she did. I was amazed that as she listened to me tell of how I chose my own way - and hurt other people - and lived almost like two different people with my friends who loved God - and with my friends who did not - that her eyes welled up with tears. And then I told her how I had been married before her dad, and chose myself over God so that I could have this other man. She began to sob.

"Why are you crying, baby?" I asked her.

"I just never thought you would do THAT."

I hugged her and cried with her.

And then she said, "I know this isn't right - but somehow I feel I have a dad out there."

Now this - THIS - to my amazement! God had prepared me for this moment - this statement - this thought seizing her mind... I knew that I knew, that I knew, in my gut - before I even told her I had been married before - I JUST KNEW that she would feel connected to him because she was connected to me. That I would think this and plan for this is all the help of the Spirit of God! Because I was ready for what came next.

I took her little hand in mine...that God shaped exactly like my mother-in-laws...and I said..."WHOSE hand do you see in your own?"

She said, "Nana's," as she sniffled and wiped away her tears.

I told her, "YOUR hand is shaped exactly like Daddy's mommy. There is no way you came from anyone but Daddy. You are his child and mine, and God shaped you like Nana so you would always know it."

What a Masterful, LOVING GOD who knows my baby's heart - and shapes her for His purposes. This was grace to her - and it was grace to me. Because I did not think to protect my future children from my sin. I was only ever absorbed in me. God thought of her. He protected her. He knew one day I would have a little girl who would ache over what I had chosen to do and wonder how she was connected to what I had done.

God drew her to Himself that day. I pray He opened her eyes to more than the creation of her life in me, and to more than the truth that He is One who shaped her hands  ... I PRAY that He opened her eyes to His WORD to show her a WAY to follow that is good, and right, and beautiful.

Teaching our daughters and sons about sex - or any truth of God's Word, should not exclude our own lessons. I guess I am writing more specifically to moms and dads who did follow God, His design for sex, and are ashamed or afraid to share that with their children.

It is good for our children to know that God's Word has changed our hearts and minds. We were SAVED from something, right? Some times I think they wonder - from what? I am not that woman any more...I tell my children who I used to be apart from God - what God saved me from in my past - what He keeps me from today - so they can see with their own eyes that I am WITH THEM in the learning and striving.  I fight against what I could be apart from God so that I can realize the JOY of living with GOD. We do not learn independently in this family. I am not above them in understanding truth; they can learn and understand as I do, right? Biblical principles and the vocabulary to explain them are coming into my children's grasp at ages 8 and 11. The only difference as they age with me, is the years we have in experience. I want them to have more experiences of choosing God than not. And I want them to see that I want those brave choices for God, too - and that I fight for them hard as they do...

But let's say you're reading this- and you have chosen to live for God from the time you were a child - your story of God's grace in your life should be told just the same. You are still a sinner, right? You have struggled with your flesh just like anyone else.We need to tell our children of those flesh and spirit lessons - so they get that living for God is not magic that happens in us. We've been given His Spirit and living by His Spirit is always ,a choice. We always have free will, right?... Glory to God when we choose Him - and Glory to God when we can show our children the consequences of what not choosing Him looks like in our life as well.

I refuse to be prideful and fake about my fight to live for God...not with you - not with my babes...not with anyone. It is all Him. ALL. ALL. ALL! And I am soooo grateful for the people in my life who love me! and are  so real  with me about their fight to live for God as well. BE THAT for each other! FOR LIFE!

I know my lessons about sex - and following God's Way and His Word in everything - are far from over with my girl... But I was thinking this morning as I was putting away a cake we had made for Memorial weekend - that didn't get eaten entirely...how she has yet to realize what the temptation for sex will be like for her one day. Right? I mean she's 11 - not dating - not even revved as far as hormones go... SO - that being said, I thought about this cake...

One day I will tell her: - "I want to teach you something about sex. And I need you to trust me. I have invited a bunch of your friends over, and you are going to be the only one who knows what I am teaching about sex. They won't know. But you have to trust me, and learn this with me - and enjoy your friends in the midst of this lesson."

For this lesson, the friends will come - and together, each of them will get to make their own cake. We will mix and bake these little cakes together. Kamryn will be given the instructions not to lick or taste anything...no matter what her friends are doing, I will tell her before hand, privately, that her instruction is not to lick or taste anything. There will be all kinds of frosting, candies, sprinkles galore! But I am going to tell my girly-girl, for this lesson - for this time - she is not to eat a thing for this cake making party.

Next - when the cakes were ready to eat - her friends can enjoy the cake they had made - but I will privately give Kamryn the instruction not to eat her cake. This will probably kill her. If you know my sweet lovin' girl - you know! She'll be dying! Just think when you make frosting! Right? How can we not lick the bowl??? let alone try a piece of the cake? She will have to tell her friends, if they ask, that she was not going to eat hers - but save it. And maybe some of them will choose to do the same - maybe they would indulge and tell her what she was missing out on...No matter what - I will be firm that she can not have it. Now - I'm not going to be totally mean! I will  have lots of other DELICIOUS treats for them to enjoy. It's just the cake that she will not be able to enjoy. 

Later, I will explain to my daughter - this is what it will be like for her with sex. Her friends may be having sex, telling her how great it is, but God has given her the instruction not to. He has said to wait. The savoring of her own cake - that is to be God's timing.

Then - I am going to take her on an overnight weekend - JUST SHE AND I ...and we are going to eat that cake! together! And I will give her - in a tiny, beautifully wrapped box - a treasure that is hers to wear and remember waiting is worth it.

 The verse attached to this ring will read, "Men have not perceived by the ear, nor has teh eye seen any God besides you, Who acts for the one who waits for Him."  Isaiah 64:4

On her wedding day, if she chooses to marry, she can give this purity ring to her husband ... AND OHHHH how I pray she thinks of this lesson with me and our God as she enjoys her wedding day cake - smashed in her face or not - ...BUT even if she doesn't think of it -  you gotta know - her mama will. TEARS!

Oh God draw our children to yourself...and please don't let us miss it - however you may use us! our good - our bad - ALL YOURS! Your lessons are  your love in our life!

TO God be the glory for HIS TRUTH THAT LASTS!

Psalm 119:33-40

Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statues, and I shall keep it to the end. 

Give me understanding, and I shall keep your law.

Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of YOUR commandmens, for I delight in it.

Incline my heart to YOUR TESTIMONIES, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in your way. 

Establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you. 

TURN AWAY my reproach which I dread, for your judgments are good. 

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; revive me in your righteousness.

and God bless my husband.

Jabez. Cool sounding name, huh? I like it...however the meaning is a little harsh. Jabez, is a Biblical character recorded in I Chronicles. His mother had a hard time giving birth to him and named him Jabez out of that pain and anguish. Like what mother doesn't have pain in childbirth - to some degree anyway - right? Jabez must have been a whopper of a struggle. 

Jabez prayed to God - hard! The Bible says, "Jabez cried out to the God of Israel.." There's some effort in that prayer, right? He's crying out to God and he says, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm (evil) so that I will be free from pain"

He did not want the meaning of his name to reflect his life. Jabez did not want to cause pain as he had in his birth. Oh I love his heart! I can just see his face the day he realized what his name meant - and understood how a name in that culture reflected who you were. Hard name to bear. BUT! Jabez knew WHO would determine the course of his life - despite his name. He knew WHO could illuminate evil in his path for his sake - and for the sake of those he loved. I LOVE THIS HEART! He's begging, "GOD! Please do not let me be what I am capable of!" Right?

Ouch. I get that. I get that to the point where I feel a pinch in my heart for the destruction I have caused in my path - and for what I know I am still - STILL - yep...even right now STILL!!! capable of destroying...even with one small strike of a letter on a keyboard...

So, I get very excited when I read the last part of this passage. Check out the happy ending of the Jabez story in verse 10. 

"AND GOD granted his request." 

WHAT ON EARTH!?!?! 

How amazing to me! That God heard the heart cry of Jabez, and not only turned his ear to him, but gave him what he cried for. 

Jabez!!!! Get out! If I could hug you! Oh I so would!

Did he know it then? Or did he just have to hold out hope and trust that God would grant what he begged for? Because Jabez didn't write the book of Chronicles, right. Hold on... Who did? Got it! Ezra or possibly Nehemiah wrote the book of Chronicles. So the life of Jabez, as member of the tribe of Judah (our Savior's physical ancestry -  you know..., Jesus - Lion of Judah) - the life of Jabez was watched and recorded so that WE would know his story, his request to God - and that God answered this request. 

I'm thinkin' Jabez had to just actively trust and watch his life unfold in the hand of God.

What does that have to do with us? 

Well - we can pray that prayer! There is a book written by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson: The Prayer of Jabez. He writes how this prayer can change our lives. Now - I'm not all about praying some mantra and "BAM!" we get it. I am all for praying and meditating on God's Word. I believe God answers prayer. I believe as His children we are desperate for Him to change our circumstances, and I believe as we read His Word and wrap the truth of it around our lives, we can't help but beg Him to accomplish HIS WORD in us - and through us. 

So - whether it is the prayer of Jabez that we read and are led to pray, and focus (MEDITATE) on, and act on in faith,  - IT is good, and it is powerful, and God will accomplish it. Or whether it is another passage that we are led to pray, and meditate on, and also act on in faith - it is good, and powerful, and I believe God will accomplish it.

I was led to pray the prayer of Jabez for a year. I do not have a story of great territories being gained or  treasures acquired - at least of this world. I can tell you this, I learned a great deal about the pain I am capable of causing, and that God - BY HIS SPIRIT in ME - has kept me from evil.  And THAT right there - if you know me at all - is amazing. amazing. amazing. My sin potential is huge, and my Father in Heaven alerted me to it time and again in the most gracious, loving, strong, and protective way - time and time again. And in the midst of that training, He strengthened my defenses - and grew my love for His Word. 

One example and I will let you go - is that okay? I'll be brief!... I was praying this prayer - that Jabez prayed - in the quiet of my family room one morning. And being very still as I prayed it...slowly - thoughtfully - letting God work through each sentence with me. I thought to myself as I talked with God..."But I don't want to pray this just for me, Lord. I want to pray this for my husband, too. So - God bless my husband. Oh that you would bless Him indeed!" I cried out to God.

I sat there for a moment, letting that prayer wash over me - and thinking about what that would look like. In the stillness God made me realize this" "I have blessed your husband. Do not rob from Him what I have already given." 

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? come again on that thought. You have blessed my husband and I - ME? seriously? ME??? - I have robbed from him? Silence. NO WAY. Erase this thought. CAN'T BE TRUE!

I sat in silence and then tears began to flow as I realized how I am intended to be a blessing to my husband from God - to be his help mate.  I can rob him of God's blessing in me - constantly... with my words, my attitude, my moods, day after day of effortless, complacent love. 

NO. Please! NO! I saw this ugly truth so clearly, and as much as I wanted to look away I couldn't. This moment was a mirror that did not move from my eyes. I only saw more and deeper into it. 

God has blessed my husband in his work. How do I rob from him? Do I consider every penny of his toil and efforts, or do I TAKE what is from GOD into my own hands and spend it without thought? without careful consideration that this money is God's blessing on his work - and it is not mine alone to claim, feel entitled to, or be careless with no matter what I think I need or deserve. Tears. Just cleansing tears as I looked at the robbery that I have been guilty of.  

What a moment with my Heavenly Father! What a moment with my husband's Heavenly Father!

I am grateful God does not leave us in our guilt. Ever. AND .... He does not bring us to a place of realizing guilt without our first seeking Him. It wasn't like he dragged me like a puppy to my puddle and said, "WHAT DID YOU DO, Laura Lewis? What did you do?" God is not LIKE THAT. 

He is love and grace that wraps around us in the learning, and He knows our heart, and the power of His truth is all that is needed in a lesson. No angry face. No harsh words. I was being corrected, lovingly.

I needed this moment of guilt with my God, so that He could make me more aware of the grace and love He has shown me and longed for me to see in every moment that I acted so thoughtlessly toward my husband. I have robbed my husband. I am so sorry. God has patiently waited for me to realize that my husband is blessed - what am I going to do with this blessing from our God???

I prayed: "Let your hand be with me, and keep me from evil so that I will be free from pain."

I thought about this in a new way. Love protects. God will protect me from evil, so that I will protect my husband from the evil I am so capable of.

With my Bible still open in my lap, I looked to the last part of the verse

"And God granted his request."

God bless our husbands.

Healing

Are you well acquainted with sickness? Does it pervade over the lives of your friends and family, too? Have you continually begged God for healing for you or for someone you love - while you wait in sterile silence by a bedside where healing does not come? Sounds like I'm about to sell you something - right? Ha! I'm not! I'm asking you, because I want you to know - first of all where I'm heading with this blog and also - to let you know you're not alone! I have been begging God for healing, too! maybe not in the same way you have - with the same situation; the details of our stories could not possibly align exactly - nor the outcome. But even so - I hope to encourage you with truth that God reveals about who He is as our healer.

My brother has had diabetes since he was ten years old. The race for a cure has been in our vernacular since 1980. I had grown accustomed to my brother's silent fight. With the invention of the insulin pump, diabetes is hushed more than it used to be in the past with syringe needles and vials of insulin glaring at us as my brother would prepare his shots. However, despite the change in treatment that has stifled, somewhat comforted, the cry of many diabetics - the volume of this disease was turned up for all of us in 2008. At 11 years of age my niece was diagnosed with diabetes. She braved this diagnosis with her mom at her side at a hospital in Germany. My brother, her dad, was serving our country in Iraq at the time; his wife and three children stationed in Manheim, Germany during the tour. My brother was given a brief leave to come and see his little girl and wife at the hospital, a mental and physical time-out from the war on terrorism - only to try to understand and manipulate tactics of what life with a new enemy - diabetes - would look like - at war within his child.


Then this past March, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have always been told that breast cancer would eventually touch all of us - not just by association - or by friendship - but the touch of cancer would be the grip of a family member who would cling to us for help and strength and love... I couldn't imagine that... until now. Now - for me - I cannot see a pink ribbon without seeing our Debbie. Today she is very sick with chemo-therapy. What can we do for her? What would God have us do? Does He see her right. now?

I could go on. Illness in our family does not stop there. My step brother's son - my step sister's sons, close friends and their spouses, children - the disease battle is on going. It is blood deep, thick and heavy; it is personal, and it is relentless. I could pray the names of those I love who are sick - for hours.

I want healing to come to my family - and to my friends, and my daughter is a reminder to me to pray for them daily. Kamryn has been diagnosed with chronic urticaria. This cannot compare with anyone else's battle - I would not begin to compare...My daughter's illness is merely a reminder of those I love who also long for healing. That precious - daily - reminder is, in itself, a beautiful gift. SHE reminds me of THEM. As I long for her to be healed, I long for their healing. Her discomfort makes me realize theirs. Her fight causes me to pray for their strength. Her moments of peace and comfort causes me to pray for their comfort and realization of God in the midst of disease.

Jenna, my diabetic niece, is the one on my mind - in particular - today. As I see her - I have hope for everyone else. Kamryn. Debbie. All of them. Jenna's hope - in God in the midst of diabetes has been and continues to be - beautiful. And God's blessing in the midst of this disease is most evident. From a distance, and at times up close, when we have been able to visit with my soldier family, and I have been able to witness how Jenna embraced the challenges of diabetes with her own two little hands - AND - chose to fight diabetes to conquer it.

Jenna's diet and insulin balance became a matter of her personal studies. She could have let her mom continue to do the work for her - but she didn't. Jenna took diabetes on for herself - because SHE wanted to master it for herself. What child does that? Can you imagine her mom's wonder and pride as she watched her YOUNG daughter take on so much responsibility and self-discipline? Can you just see her daddy wonder in amazement at his baby's GIGANTIC inner drive and fortitude?

This child not only mastered nutrition and diet, but between the ages of 12 and 13, she mastered her insulin levels to eliminate her constant need for insulin injections. She hates shots - and so while the shot-hate motivated her - so too did her God given drive to be healthy. God gave her new desires for her heart. Self-discipline took ROOT in her mind, and determination gripped her spirit. This concoction of champions changed not only her way of thinking, and eating, and lifestyle - it changed her dreams. Now a runner girl, and motivational health nut, Jenna wants to study to be a nutritionist when she graduates from college one day, so she can help others embrace a healthy life. Laser light focus - directed out of chaos. To God be the glory in my niece's heart and mind and body - purposed by God - to bring Him glory. She takes no credit for herself either - but only says - "It is because of prayer alone." WHAT IS THAT but miraculous!?!? ALL GOD! God in a little girl who loves and trust HIM.

It was through this view of my niece that I looked to my own little lamb. Could our Kamryn somehow be given this God-given gift to grip her diagnosis? Could there be someway, somehow, that diet and self-discipline could eliminate her need for the drugs that dominate her life - every . single day??? ... I have talked to God so much about this...so very much. Doctor after doctor, and yes - those that prescribe drugs and those that vitamin and diet analyze - to no avail! One morning a few weeks ago I woke up out of a sound sleep...sat straight up and thought - stop giving her milk. The milk is hurting her. Milk in anything...

And so - trying to sound sane - I told my husband that this is my new thinking, and I was going to trust God with it. How trusting was my child, when I told her that I believed this idea was from God, and that we were just going to follow Him with it, until He would direct us otherwise. "God is my dreaming". You probably think I am crazy. If you do - you're right. HOW INCREDULOUS for me to trust in God! a physician who speaks without a voice to me in sleep - who impressed direction to me without a burning bush or angelic being. To trust God without hesitation...ME?!?! Ha! This is plain nuts and is miraculous to me as well.

I went on a very intense ingredient hunt - and ANYTHING with milk - I removed from her diet. ANYTHING! You know how many things have milk? Within two days - no Zyrtec and no more itchy, watery eyes. Day three she hived. There's more, I thought. What else is an allergen? I studied my face off. Wheat, gluten and eggs are high on the list. All of them we have removed from her diet. Can I tell you - that in the midst of this - my Bible study group at church asked me if the seven of us could pray for Kamryn together...we did. Just before Easter they prayed with me. Powerfully! I wish you could have heard them cry out to God for help for my girl. BEAUTIFUL PRAYERS of women who believe in God! Can I even tell you!?!!> Kamryn did not hive for a week...until she ate wheat and gluten in pretzels by mistake. The hives came - and even so - I was still excited! We have found it! Milk, gluten, wheat - and perhaps eggs. She went for seven days without any allergy symptoms! I am freaking out! This has not happened in this little girl's life since she was 2 1/2! All these years battling allergy symptoms - lethargy, depression, itching - weepy, itchy eyes! AND NOW!!! yes! now!!! She is free! (I wish you could have heard the prayers of praise from my Bible study group! They clapped in prayer! Are you in a Bible study group? JOIN MINE!!! Oh so good to do life with women who love Jesus with you!!!)

So - now it's game on at the grocery store and in my kitchen as I feed this child in a whole new way - I could care less about the diet challenges ahead of us...my baby is drug free...and our prayers for healing - have been answered well beyond what I could have hoped or imagined... What do I mean by that?

I get that her body is not resilient to the allergen. That was my hope. But THIS - this challenge that my daughter is now undertaking - is doing in her, what diabetes has done in her cousin. AND glory to God that my daughter can look up to her cousin who, at the same age Kamryn is now, - 11 - had to completely change her diet to live a new and BETTER way! Kamryn is learning what I could have never taught her with words, or even examples of people she knows and loves, ... She - my hands-on little learner - is embracing the beauty of self-discipline with her own heart - her own mind - her own hands...and THIS for her will continue to change everything in her life. How beautiful as a momma - to see my baby discipline herself in ways I would have never thought possible. What a blessing to her athlete daddy to see his baby in the training of her life...a new heart - a new mind - a new body - a new focus...

My prayers for healing for those I love - who continue to battle disease - have been revamped. I no longer pray wondering if God hears me. I no longer pray out of an impatient, aching heart. I pray with the knowledge that our God is at work, and He has a plan - and I can wait EXPECTANTLY in the midst of disease for the evidence of His work to become clear to me. I have misunderstood my God - our healer - for so long. He is at work in His people CONSTANTLY- racing for the cure - that is not just our body - but is our eternal soul. What a God!

"And WE KNOW!!! all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

There is no such thing as sterile silence when we pray. We - who know and love God - pray on HOLY! FERTILE ground! (yes, I'm -a-shoutin'!) with expectation that GOD IS! We can KNOW He is not stymied by disease but is ABLE to accomplish beyond what we can ask or imagine for our good - and for His glory. He is OUR God. MIGHTY. Everlasting. HEALER!

Expectation Drug

"Expect nothing. Surrender everything." - Wes Aarum says this. He's the college pastor at Vintage at The Chapel at CrossPoint, and he's been a part of my life since I was 10. Crazy that I have been able to learn truth from this man for over 20 years, and it's still rockin' my boat!

I've been following hard after Christ for 14 years now. Following hard and stumbling forward - daily. The lessons that Jesus teaches me in my study time with Him are powerful and they pervade my life; from the teachings at my church on Sunday, the Bible study I teach on Tuesday mornings, the teachings at Vintage on Tuesday - with my small group twice a month on Wednesday, the radio teachings I tune in to - , the worship music I get to hear and to sing all day long; the missions trip I just went on this past March...so many teaching moments where my God speaks into my life! And in all of them, Jesus, our teacher, has focused the lessons of my life, carefully scaffolding each step so that they can be repeated, and reiterated, and articulated in so many forms, and voices, and pictures, and application pieces - so that this dumb sheep of a learner will not miss it...But I do. I still do. Patient! Patient God! who loves relentlessly in His patient teaching.

My mom asked me early in the New Year - to ask God to give me one lesson to learn this year - specifically ask Him for just ONE WORD to teach me a TRUTH for life - and then BELIEVE He will do it. She told me this is what she had done - and that God had given her a word; so plain - and simple - and clear before her eyes - she was astounded - and completely ready to learn it.

Sounded great, right? Crazy - but great - and intriguing enough that I wanted this craziness for myself, but I figured - this is for her! She has been given something from God, and that doesn't mean it's for me, too. Words are important to her after her stroke. She craves to know them - understand them - master them...that's why asking God for ONE Word is important to her. So -this couldn't be for me... But yet - my heart ached for what she was telling me. A pinpoint lesson from God - that He would make me well aware of - a theme that He would weave in and out of my days... What could be more intimate with our God? (are you intrigued, too??? I hope so!) So - I prayed for it. I prayed for it - hoping I would hear or see or know the Word when it came. AND so it did. Not once - but day after day after day. I read it. I heard it. People said it to me. I would read it again. It would be in a book, in a verse, in a title or an article, in a song...I could not miss this word if I tried.

JOY.

Really, Lord? Really? But I am so happy! Why is my word - my lesson JOY? And is this you? Or is this me hoping it's you? If the lesson should be JOY -...God would truly have to open my eyes and ears and heart to realize it... Do I really not understand Joy? ummm - yeah.

I could write a book on how I have missed it - and how God has made JOY clear to me in so many circumstances...I don't want to lose you here though. This blog would get booky. So, I'll keep it brief. Each story and each circumstance that I would want to share with you has one poison that pervaded my perception of life in the moment - one JOY robber that I have let dominate my thinking - my relationships - my life on this planet - and Jesus has painted it VIVID before my heart - my mind - my eyes ... EXPECTATION.

To live in expectation of ANYTHING other than - ready for this??? --- the Spirit of the Living God - is to our Joy's demise. Why am I telling you? I mean it's my lesson, right? Indeed! Well, first of all I'm telling you because - I can't keep the truth of God to myself - cuz it is just too good! And second of all - could I really be so alone in this view? Might you, my friend, be suckin' on this poison too - and so immune to it now you don't realize it either? I don't want poinson for you - for my kids - my husband - for me...any more. So - I HAVE to tell you! I want JOY FOR YOU! And also, when I tell you - and the people in my life - I get the accountability that helps me stay far from my addiction. TRULY living according to my expectations for life is absolutely an addiction.

Living in expectation of what a day, a person, a plan, an effort should be like - can cause so much disappointment, can't it? I mean think about it... You plan a great vacation, and everybody gets sick. HUGE blow to the heart! Did your plans for marriage and career go the way you saw them on graduation day? Funny how all those pictures and ideas and the songs and poems we adored that matched our planned out moments just don't match what is true life... One divorce in my past and now a stay at home mom - I would have never written this as my story at 18. I had much different plans. MUCH different.

Or how 'bout when you plan a romantic dinner with candlelight and your favorite LBD, with Sinatra playing softly, and then your husband walks in the door from work turns on the lights and says he doesn't feel well. HEARTACHE! And what about your precious cherubs? Did we or did we not have an idea about what we as mothers would look like and how our babies would be? The picture cannot compare to reality - not one little bit. And blow - by heart blow - I have had to stare into a canyon of despair, the canyon that spans my expectation for how they should behave and how life should be with my children - and what is in truth the reality of who we are and what each day holds.

So where is joy? Right? Can you see the picture of where we stand that is our reality - the VAST CANYON that is before us - and expectation on the other side? With our seemingly innocent and lovely expectations we dig a dark, deep canyon and joy is lost in depths. Were we wrong to want good things? Are we wrong to hope in something beautiful and wonderful for life? IS it always going to be like this? You know what - I still can't answer those questions. And I don't really think they matter - because that way of thinking isn't the point. The point is the canyon of separation. The question we should be asking is WHAT DO WE FILL THE CANYON WITH?

When things don't go our way - how do we respond? How are we linking where we stand to what we wanted? Personally, I have yelled, cried, exploded, been depressed, disenchanted, disengaged, withdrawn and just plain ugly. I have filled the gap with wrong behavior toward God - and wrong behavior toward others. I have medicated myself with shopping, and food, and even cleaning ( i know- weird) to make myself feel better about circumstances I could not control.
Please forgive me!

What I am learning is that JOY is found when I fill the CANYON of my heart with the Spirit of the LIVING GOD! I know - what is that? AND what does that look like? It's a moment by moment work of God - a creation in my heart of something new and better and more REAL than I could have imagined. God waits for me to call to Him across the canyon and I beg to Him for His power to close the gap with grace, love, peace, self-control - to help me see the moment as He sees it - and the people that are close to me as He sees them...and He does it. He is DOING IT!!! and I am flipping out because I am such a jerk! Why would He do this in me - for me?

I'll tell you one example that happened of God filling the gap in my heart - MOVING the expectation mountain - and the mountain of my reality - and bringing them together with Himself... My son had baseball practice Wednesday night. My husband was out of town so this was on me. No problem! I can handle it. We got homework done. Dinner started. A snack to tide us over - and the two kids and I went to the location my husband told me to go. 5:00 sharp I was there. Exhale. We made it with glove, water, bat...we're good - or really, if I'm honest, I was thinking, I'm good. BUT - no one was there. I texted my husband. "I'm here. Where is everyone?"

Text comes back - "It's not until 5:30"
Ok. No problem. It's a nice night. We'll hang out here and play until 5:30.
5:30 comes and goes - no one shows up.
My husband is in a meeting at this point so I had to make some command decisions on my own. Maybe we got the field location wrong. My heart is pounding, stomach turning in a tiny knot. BUT - it's okay. The kids and I get in the car - and they were GEMS! So good! And we begin to drive around from field location to possible field location in search of my son's team.

6:30 rolls around and we have burnt gas and time without getting to baseball practice. I am seething in my heart and mind while my children are laughing in the backseat. I want to cuss so bad my tongue hurts. I am begging God for help! I am telling Him I am so mad at my husband who is OBVIOUSLY the one at fault here. So I text him - my husband, not God - while sitting at the traffic light (sorry! I did! I wasn't driving...). The text read: "Never found practice. I am driving home."

While I am hitting send, a loud honk is heard behind me. I have missed the fact that the light is now green and I have ticked off one very mad faced woman. REALLY? REALLY RIGHT NOW?

I wanted to flip her off so bad I had to fight with my hands - but instead I waved to her a little thank you wave - and guess what??? SHE FLIPPED ME OFF!!! and my children saw it! They were in disbelief! I WAS A TRAIN WRECK of emotion. The last pebble in the canyon just got thrown and hit me in the face before it landed!

GOD! I prayed in my heart! I'm going to explode. And the one thought that came to my mind was - tell my children what I am learning right now, so they can see I learn with God too. Really? Tell them? Okay. I'm gonna tell them.

I said to them, "Mommy is dying right now. I'm ready to explode with tears! I just want to yell!" I told them calmly. "I didn't get Kaden to practice. We have been driving around for an hour and it's such a nice night. Daddy can't help me! I have totally blown what I was supposed to do... Now I get honked at and flipped off! I need God to give me self control and peace right now."

My daughter said, "It's okay, Mommy - let it out."

Well I laughed so hard when she said that! JOYJOYJOY!!! overflowing JOY! Here I am in a moment I will never get back with my children - a memory that is locked in my mind forever. If I reach out to the blessings that are right in front of me plain as day - there is always Joy. Always. One day those sweet babies will be far from me and I will long to have them in the car with me for an hour - doing ANYTHING! and there we were all safe, and well - and we had each other.... JOY!

Bad feelings gone. Expectation gap closed. I lack NOTHING! And when my husband called - pure joy and peace could be extended to him, not blame. I knew he felt bad, and was wishing he could be there to help me. It wasn't his fault! It was mine. I messed up as I found out later on. The practice was on the other side of the building, and I never drove around to see the other side. Ha! And he was not mad at me either...cuz he could have been frustrated with me, too. He's better at this drawing on the Spirit of God thing than I am...much!

Anyway...if you hung in for this long rant... thank you. If you didn't then you won't hear me say, that I am a stupid sheep who is desperate for the Spirit of God to take me where green pastures always are...where He is - within me. If you know this - what a gift you extend to those in your life who get to be loved by you as you do life together. If you don't know it....what a beautiful lesson for us to embrace together today...It's a new day - Expect nothing. Surrender everything.

JOY!

"The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want...He leads me beside the cool waters. He restores my soul." Psalm 23

Simply Go.

How many times have you heard someone say when describing their daily life as a follower of Christ, "I am still struggling with _________". Have you heard it? Like for example you may hear people say: I still struggle with not reading my Bible, with not praying, with shooting off my mouth when I'm mad, with gossip, with porn, with food, with money - with WHATEVER. The list among us is long and personal, isn't it?

A struggle is a noose around the neck that we, who are indwelt by the Spirit of God, have the power to remove and even destroy in our lives. But we don't. We leave it there and let it tighten and then complain about it - like it's a hopeless situation of who we are - and that struggle factor is a just a fact of life.

Well that's just bunk! I don't buy it. I refuse!!! Especially when Colossians teaches us that we can put to death our old nature and put on a new self that is being renewed in the knowledge of our Creator. Colossians 3! There's no struggle depicted for the believer - just dead sin. LOVE IT!

Author and speaker Elisabeth Elliot said once, "Struggle is just another word for disobedience." I like her thinking. I like it because this statement she is making puts the power to change where it belongs - on us. Do we really want to be different? Because if we do - well, then with that comes a whole new game, a new way of life, and that might be....hard.

If we choose to read our Bible every day - then that means our whole schedule must change, right?

If we choose to pray, then that means our focus is constantly on God, inviting Him into our thoughts all day long. That constant awareness of God is daunting even weird sounding. Isn't it? Am I going to be weird?

If we choose not shoot our mouth off when we are mad, then that means we don't get to say how we feel. Do we ever get to express how we feel? Does the other person just get to get away with hurting us and making us mad?

If we choose not to gossip then what will we have that is interesting to talk about? People are interesting. What else is there to say without trying to sound smart or actually sounding dumb?

If we choose not to look at porn then our thrill seeking and satisfaction must be met by God. Could that be fun?

If we choose to eat to live and not to live to eat then we may feel hungry and go through cravings. We would have to learn an entirely different way to think about food and what our body really needs verses what we want to give it and enjoy.

If we choose to acknowledge that God owns our stuff, we may give away more than we keep, and so could we really ever be happy? We won't have what other people have.

To struggle is to simply tell God "no". I'm not ready to let go of what I am use to right now. I like it this way, and your way, God, - the unknown - is not as comfortable as where I am right now and what I am choosing to do with my life.

Sad. And sad not because of what we're stuck living with - but sad because we are held captive by something powerless: a weightless, pitiful, laughable IDEA we saw, heard, and then simply chose to put on and believe in. And why? Think about it...think about it carefully - wasn't it because we either didn't know God - or maybe we did know God to some shallow degree, but simply didn't believe Him?

I look back at my life through the pages of my picture books and journals and I just shake my head at what I chose to settle for out of ignorance, complacency, fear or just plain disobedience. I don't want to be that girl today - not ever again. I want to Know God. I want to know Him more and more and more. Could knowing an eternal God ever stop? I want to know Him and believe Him for everything He says no matter what uncertainty or discomfort I may feel. I want to be a woman of God. How could that ever come without fear or discomfort? I'm in skin for crying out loud and I'm carved out in sin potential! To quote my morning workout coach "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable." Thank you, Jillian Michaels. That statement absolutely echoes the truth of God's Word over the lives of His people - whether He was telling Abram to go to a place that God would show Him, or telling Joshua to march around a city 7 times for 7 days, or telling Mary that she would give birth to the Messiah, or the disciples to go into all the world and preach the gospel. Where is comfort in all of that? Where is there not cause to fear? God is asking us to get comfortable with being uncomfortable...at least for awhile.

I turned to John 8 this morning and read Jesus words to the woman caught in the act of adultery. I was this woman. Maybe not in complete detail - but I can feel her shame because it was my own years ago. What Jesus would say to her, mattered greatly to me. He had my attention, and so I listened.

This great Teacher, The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, "The One who was, and is, and is to come" did not give her a lecture, even though He could have, and she would have had to lay there at his feet and listen. He did not give her a 12 step plan . It would have overwhelmed her. He gave her one, simple direction. "Go and leave your life of sin."

I wonder if she did. Ya know? And though I cannot find evidence of her anywhere else in Scripture...I don't really have to, because He spoke these words to me. "Go." And so I did. And I have not looked back, nor have I gone forward without daily going to God to rid my mind and my heart of the habits that brought me to my knees before Him when I was 26. Was it easy? No. Has it been worth it? A thousand times and eternity of times to come - YES! That simple statement is how I look at each day. Jesus set me free, I will not return to the way I lived before Him.

"Go, and leave your life of sin." Powerful truth. We won't miss our life of sin. Of this I am QUITE sure. You know what I'm talkin' about! I know you do! Why are we so afraid we will??? Just like we don't miss our mother's womb, right??? Can you remember that? Do you miss that? No way! In the same way, when we leave our life of sin our new lungs will fill with air, and we will wonder how we ever lived any other way.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should GO; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." Psalm 32:8

Breathe in truth - breathe out grace - and GO!