i know.

Literary character studies fascinate me. To realize the depth of a person as he or she emerges in 3D from the written word is captivating to my mind's eye. Such craft and skill is required to be able to breathe life into what is flat and motionless! I would teach character study to my English classes once upon a career ago. The instruction would involve my drawing a circle on the chalkboard. Smartboards weren't around then. I would draw a circle, tell them this is their faceless character who will take shape before their reading eyes as they uncover the author's clues about the character's traits.

They would have to hunt for these clues and categorize them in this way: what are the character's WORDS/ACTIONS; what is the character's REPUTATION - as revealed through other character's words and actions; what is the character's APPEARANCE, what are the character's THOUGHTS and FEELINGS as revealed by the author. Eagerly, together as a class, we study the text for the passages that would give this character the 3D image we were hoping to see in motion.

Amazing to me that even though I am removed from the English classroom, this study skill is critical to my life. My focus is no longer C.Thomas Howell, Sharaa, Tolkien or Shakespeare; my focus is God. His Word and the people He has revealed Himself to - and through - satisfy my enthusiasm for the written word - beyond my expectation - beyond what I could have thought I would realize or know when introspectively considering a character.

I recently met Martha, the sister of Mary in John 11. By considering her words and watching her in action - Martha has come to life for me and I am forever changed for having made her acquaintance. I am bursting to tell everyone about this woman. She has a tremendous story that is often lost in the reputation of her busyness.

Lazarus her brother was dead. Jesus, a friend to him, to Martha and Mary his sisters, had come too late to heal him of his sickness - but still he arrived in Bethany knowing full-well Lazarus had died and knowing full-well that he would raise him to live again.

Listen in on Martha's words to Jesus beginning in John 11:21. Her words reveal who she is, just as Jesus' words to Martha reveal who HE is.

"Lord," (note what she calls him) Martha said, to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I KNOW (note what she THINKS she knows) that even now God will give you whatever you ask."

Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."

Here I pressed PAUSE on this movie taking place before me - to evaluate her words mmore closely. Martha has acknowledged that Jesus is Lord. What that personally meant to her I cannot judge, but she called him "LORD". She stated her faith that He could have healed Lazarus. She stated her faith, that Jesus could call on God and ask of Him anything - and He would receive it from God. HUGE faith she professed to him.

Jesus' words also reveal MUCH. In response to her statement of faith, Jesus told her... Lazarus would rise again! "Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.'"

- Now, here's where I insert my own self - which does not apply to the interpretation - it's just God's Word reading me. I WOULD HAVE FLIPPED OUT!!! I mean, wouldn't I? Jesus just told me my brother would rise again!!! I would have said, "SHUT UP!!! I will take you to him now!!!!" I would have said that, right? God's Word like a dagger to my heart. Maybe I wouldn't have. I press PLAY and listen to more of Martha's words - her character coming in to full color.

Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."

Pause again.

She believed that there would be a resurrection, like I believe there will be a resurrection. Why did she go to this distant, safe kind of hope instead of the immediate hope - the hope of Lazarus being raised before her right then? Too much to hope for. I relate. Hope that doesn't hope too big is not disappointed. How sad for her. How sad for me.

Play on.

"Jesus said to her, 'I AM..'"

PAUSE!!! Wait!!! I have heard this before! He said "I AM" is this the same I AM that God used in Exodus when Moses said to God (paraphrased), "Who should I say sent me?" and God replied to Moses (paraphrased), "tell them I AM sent you." Is this the same phrase?

YES!!! YES IT IS!!! Exodus 3:15 "God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites." This name Jesus applied to Himself, and in so doing HE claimed to be God and risked being stoned for blasphemy! Now - not only is my heart arrested on this realization - BUT - my now mind is going fast forward!

Jesus has said this before! I have heard Him say this before in other verses! What were they? Of course the first one I go to in my memory is when the soldiers came to Gethsemane with Judas Iscariot, and Jesus came to meet them and said, "Who is it that you are looking for?" Their response, "Jesus of Nazareth." His response, "I AM he. AND THEN! they stepped back and they fell to the ground! I have always wondered WHY? Here are these armed soldiers and big daddy officials, chief priests and Pharisees. The man they want is right in front of them - declaring himself as the man they are looking for... - or not? He was MUCH MORE than what they were looking for - wasn't HE!?! HIS WORDS revealed HIMSELF - and these soldiers, officials, chief priests and Pharisees knew HIS WORDS! He said HE was I AM! and they fell to the ground out of what? reverence? highly unlikely. I cannot judge intent - but I can infer they intellectually comprehended and literally knew the meaning of this phrase that Jesus had just said and ascribed to HIMSELF. HE claimed to be God. They were probably waiting for lightning to strike, and wanted to clear the way for the beat down from heaven! To them Jesus had blasphemed... if in fact he was not who he had claimed to be. Where would they go from that point? Jesus controlled the events that followed by basically assuring them he was who they were seeking so that they would take him and not His disciples. John 18.

PAUSE!

I have to ask myself. Why were some of Jesus words believed - with correct response - and not others? Ahhh my heart hurts yet again.

Seven times in the book of John Jesus calls Himself "I Am". I am the bread of life, John 6:35. I am the light of the world, John 8:12. I am the gate for the sheep, John 10:7,9. I am the good Shepherd, John 10:11,14. I am the resurrection and the life, John 11:25. I am the way, the truth and the life, John 14:6. I am the true vine, John 15:1. Seven. I have much to learn of my God! How patient is the Great I AM!

Back to Martha and Jesus. I am no longer on a page distant from her. I am standing beside her.

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. (The I AM - in the flesh - demonstrating a part of HIMSELF to her - to me - as the Resurrection and Life) Anyone who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?'" (emphasis added by me -as these words shout to my soul)

WAIT.

What did these words do to Martha. Lazarus believed in Jesus. That's where I would go. He just said - anyone who believes in HIM though he dies - will live. I would ache to say, "MAKE MY BROTHER LIVE!" I wait for her to speak with much hope in her faith.

"'Yes, Lord,' she told him, 'I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.'"

What did she just say? Yes. She told him she believes. She told Him she believes so very much! That was huge to proclaim. I'm excited for her! I want to hug her! She believes she is standing with and being comforted and assured of life for her dead brother - wait! does she know this is for her, too? - hmmmm... too big. She knows she is speaking to the SON OF GOD! Martha! I love your words!

Play on.

"After she had said this, she went..."PAUSE A MOMENT! Martha is in action now: NOTE TO SELF - watch her actions based on this conversation. What will she DO?????

Rewind. PLAY ON..

"After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside,"

Hold on! She's going to tell Mary all that Jesus said. I can't wait to find out what Mary is going to do! She is going to freak out! Mary's the emotional one! I know she will bawl with joy about all Jesus has told Martha. I continue to follow Martha and Mary and listen closely.

"'The Teacher is here,' she said, ''and is asking for you.'"

WHAT???? What just happened? What on earth, Martha are you saying? "THE TEACHER?" That's what you are taking away from your conversation? Is that what your HUGE faith boiled down to when you walked away from the Son of God? Why aren't you telling your sister your brother - her brother - is going to live right now! That Jesus the resurrection and the life is going to get Lazarus out of the grave? What am I missing? I want to shake her. She is facing her sister and watches her crying - to go to Jesus - without hope. Martha, you could have given her hope.

"When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. "

I'm crying beside her as she watched the others leave. I see her clearly. She followed behind them slowly, gathering up scattered dishes and cups and tidying the house on her way out. I come alongside her and whisper through the ages - Martha. Your message of hope could have been heard by others, too? You had been given a gift. A gift to give away. A gift that would have come back to you ten fold. My message comes back unreceived by her to rest on ME. My heart hurts again.

We're at the tomb.

"When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him she fell at his feet and said, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

Stop. Focus. New character. What do I see through her words? Same words that Martha had said. Same message repeated, just like Martha. The message could have changed! Martha had been assured and comforted and promised LIFE by Jesus THE SON OF GOD! - and Mary having been with her sister Martha - wouldn't she then hear from exuberant lips what LIFE was to come for Lazarus - for them as a family?!?!? Mary was not given this message and is sad - still. Jesus sees that even though Mary has been with Martha, Martha had not learned and believed anything from her "Lord", "The Messiah" "The Son of God" "The Teacher". Oh my heart! Martha knew him well! But she didn't believe him at all! Jesus would have realized this even before Mary came to him in her tears. It is recorded for my benefit. I see it, too.

I can scarcely take it. I want to shout at Martha! I want to yell at her for being so BLIND to what God gave her to realize ALL BY HERSELF!!! She could have seen and proclaimed to everyone so very much! for the moment to come - I ache for her.

"When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and trouble. 'Where have you laid him?' he asked."
"Come and see, Lord."
"Jesus wept."

Do I realize why he was so moved? Could I really get it? I mean, I have always wondered.. Is it the disbelief? Is that breaking his heart? I never bought into the idea that it was over the fact Lazarus died. Or that Jesus felt badly that he had let them down, as I have heard some speculate. He knew what was about to happen. It was disbelief, wasn't it? I mean - what else could hurt the heart of God - ... more than my disbelief? ....

"Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"

No! No! No! I am standing there jumping and crying and yelling - unheard by every bystander. He is not crying because he loved him! He is crying because he loves us! and we do not believe! - and many of us will go to the grave in our disbelief and will only realize at the resurrection who He is and what will be our end in not believing Him. Oh my God! my God! What would you have me do with what I realize? I can't take it! I can't take it!

Shhhh...some of them have something to say.

"Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You have got to be kidding me, Lord? Did John really record this incredible statement. They called out their own disease and cure in one statement? PROPHETIC! Where have I read this? Isaiah! "I, the Lord have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." Isaiah 42:6-7! Yes! I found it! Yes! They will see. Won't they? Do I? Will I?

Watch Jesus. Action. Words. Defining him constantly. Defining others. Defining me.

"Jesus, once more deeply moved," (he heard them, didn't he? - he's moved with heart ache over disbelief. he knows, he knows that he knows - faith is not sight - and many will die never believing until the end - when lack of faith will be so powerfully clear. why must we see to believe?) came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 'Take away the stone,' he said.

He's going to do something!

"But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, 'by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days."

OH MY HEART! She has spoken and removed all doubt! She has no faith in HIM! ALLLLLLL she said she knew of Him - was just knowledge NOT belief. The saddest words to me these days are, "but mommy"... I know my children do not trust what I am asking them to do, and I so want them to trust me! How else can I keep them safe? wow. He must have been so frustrated with her! and yet, he must have ached for the world as well. for me. Oh the patience of my GOD!

Jesus - what a beat down he could have put on this woman. The humiliation for her in the instant her brother came forth - the realization of what she could have been a part of on this resurrection day - how she could have been a harbinger of life - how she could have had the greatest I told you so moment of all time. she missed it. no beat down. no punishment. she merely walked through the shadow of her disbelief in great sorrow and came out on the other side realizing the light - the joy - was there all along. and she missed it. for nothing. how painful. to know you suffered for nothing. how merciful of Jesus to bless her in spite of her lack of faith. What she will see will change her - and open her eyes and heart. or not?

"Then Jesus said, 'Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

This time. Martha says nothing. Message received. Silenced.

"So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank YOU that YOU (emphasis added by me as I now realize what Martha must have realized) have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."

When he had said this, Jesus called out in a loud voice, (was His "I told you so" attitude in that volume? cause I think He could have whispered it and Lazarus still would have resurrected),'Lazarus come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped in strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them. "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

Wow. Death for Lazarus grave clothes had fulfilled their purpose and that day - the purpose ended. Take off what is for the dead alone. Faith cannot be wrapped in disbelief anymore than grave clothes wrapped around a living man.

Many put their faith in Jesus. Didn't all of them? What? All of them didn't believe? No. Some went away - dead men walking. Knowing much. Believing none of it.

For the rest of her life - what did Martha know. Oh God. What do I? For the rest of her life, what did Martha tell others? What do I? The greatest I told you so moment is coming. i know it. i believe it. will i live what i believe and not shrink away in shame on that day. i want to stand with him. in glory. i want to hug Martha.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your LIFE, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4