Something I Wrote Just For You!

I wrote this poem to my dad when I was away at Liberty University for my first tumultuous year of college. It is dated 9-15-88. I remember I mailed it to him, and he called me when he received it. He told me he liked it very much and that he would always keep it. Not much more was said about it then - or ever. I guess I had hoped for a profound moment between us, but could not figure out how to contrive that moment apart from my poem that was - to me - an outstretched hand.My dad was a man of few words. He lived his sentiments, and welcomed all of us into the warmth of the moments he gave us wordlessly.

I found the poem neatly folded in his wallet the day he died. Profound moment given and deeply received.

Here is what I wrote:

Daddy,
Tell me that you love me, no matter what I do,
Tell me that you'll be there when I come running home to you.

Hold my hand and talk with me; I miss you very much.
Sometimes, Dad, this little girl just needs her father's touch.

When did I become to old to sit on Daddy's lap?
And cuddle up beside you when you took a little nap?

Simple tears no longer fall for losing in a game,
but the eyes that held those tears are very much the same.

Daddy, you're my strength to stand when placed before the crowd.
I'll do and be the very best to make my father proud.

To disappoint my daddy is a pain I could not bear.
In everything I do I see my father standing there.

Yesterday I viewed the world on Daddy's shoulders high,
And I fell asleep contently to your tender lullaby.

God gave to me so very much when He placed me in your care.
I know that I am loved and that my daddy's always there.

I'll always be your little girl. I love you Daddy so.
I couldn't ask for better, and I wanted you to know.

Much Love,
Laura Jean

Regret.

I'm up early this morning. Earlier than usual. Bad dream. A bad dream for me is one where I am in the midst of people that I used to know, love, and do life with - and I am trying to undo what I have already done. The scenarios are never the same. The people are. People are forever, you know?

Heartache grips me when I wake up and realize I live the struggle of that dream in reality. What's done is done, and I cannot make it any different. Wow. Who wants to live in that mess, right? Not me; not by the power of God in me. I run to Jesus. He is my source of life and hope and redemption. "Talk to me, Daddy, " I say to Him at 4:00a.m. "Wash over this regret with the wisdom of your Word." He pulls up in the chair next to me, and lets me cry while I fumble for my glasses and His book of Truth. Yeah - that's the way I see it. Call me crazy, I'm good with it.
I Corinthians 15:1-11 is my scheduled reading for today with my Vintage egroup babes - www.vintagetruth.com I'm thinkin' of them. Praying for them. What a gift to do life with women seeking Jesus. I begin to read.

"Now brothers and SISTERS" - Stop. Think. Because my heart is arrested just here. I am the member of a family, one that loves me, hopes for me. The apostle Paul, my brother - You God, my Daddy.

"I want to remind you of the gospel" - By it I am rescued from who I once was.

Please don't stop, Lord. I need more. Please wrap me up in more truth. Tears. Why do you want to remind me of the gospel this morning?

"I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain." - Heart adjustment. Hold firmly to what is now - not what was then. I stand because I was rescued. I am not there anymore. But, Jesus - what do I do with the memories I carry? I hold them in full view, and I still hurt.

"By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain". That I was rescued by Jesus from the life I lived for myself is the gospel. If it were not for that realization, - if it were not for the freedom to fall far from you - how would you have influenced my love? In this painful moment of realization - you were waiting all along to love me and receive my love.

"For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas (Peter), and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles.. " Did anyone believe that they had been with Jesus? Did they live diffferently because of it? I mean, were these people, like me who made bad choices - and were known by those choices - and then changed the way they made every choice from JesusMeetingMoment on...? and so then exemplified the TRUTH of the Gospel? .... sigh. oh my Jesus. please tell me more. Thank you for continuing through Paul.

"...and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born." - what does he mean? i hear a familiar inward ache.

"For I am the least of the apostles, and do not even deserve to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God." Regret. There it is. This is my ache, Jesus. My brother - the apostle Paul knows my ache of regret. In this moment does he see the face of those he could have loved and chose to hurt instead. Does he see the choices that he made for himself - out of pride - out of lust - greed - envy - empty soul hunger apart from you, God? He does, doesn't he? Does he dream of holding Stephen's coat while he watched him being stoned, and wish he could change that day? He does, Lord, doesn't he? What does my brother, Paul do with such pain? Tell me what does he do with the heartache? Does it ever go away?

"By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." - No it does not go away. This is the grace of God to him realized - and by it - He lives through you. This regret, Jesus - is my understanding of your grace. This regret, Jesus, is the reason that I will not forsake you ever again - and by YOUR GRACE that washes over REGRET with wisdom - I will embrace the gospel that is your story in my dreams, and your story in my NOW reality. By it I live differently forever. I have been forgiven much, and by this forgiveness - I love you, withmyheartmysoulmymindandlstrength in this life so much. Thank you for wrapping me up in this comfort today. I will walk in it. I will stand on it. I will hold firmly to the Word you have preached right. to. me.

Regret is a harsh teacher. Jesus is not. My favorite truth. It is the gospel to me. Praying it for my children, my egroup babes, for myself, for you. Today is a new day. Faithful Jesus.

study methods.

There are so many ways to study the Bible! I was introduced to Bible Study by Kay Arthur. Two friends of mine - Jamie and Angie George - gave me a book, Lord Heal My Hurts, after my divorce in 1996. Even though my friends had to return to their home in Tennessee, Kay Arthur remained with me through the pages of her book, and as I'm sure Jamie and Angie prayed - she and the Spirit of God sat there with me in my tiny apartment and walked me through how to hear God speak off the pages of His book. From that point on - there was no turning back.

These two study methods that I am sharing with you, my friend, here are easy, and yet oh so heart challenging. The first study method is active reading. We engage our mind and pen with paper to think through what God is teaching us. And with this study - as with any Bible study - the context of the passage we have read is critical to understanding God's message. Be careful not to lift a verse and assume its meaning without careful consideration of all the information that God has given to surround that verse. Like, "Now in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, you shall also have a holy convocation; you shall do no laborious work. It will be to you a day for blowing trumpets." Numbers 29:1 Don't get out your calendar and buy a horn, okay? This direction specific direction was given to Israel. However, if we study this passage and God's directions to His people there are some AMAAAZING truths to be realized about our God - about His revelation of Jesus - about His heart for all His people. So, we can't disregard this passage - but rather study it further to see exactly what God is revealing to us about Himself .

The second study method is a bit more involved. You may want to study a character, an event, a topic, a chapter, a book - whatever you are drawn to understand you will not be disappointed as you seek to know God - His character - better. This is a study that involves cross referencing and using the concordance in your study Bible. You do have a study Bible right? Best tool I own! Invest in a good one; one that allows you to cross-reference and contains a concordance will be a huge help to your learning journey. I hope this is a help to you. I'm praying it is! Truly - it is only the personal study time that I have spent with God that has changed my life. Sermons and songs are great - but nothing can compare to the awareness that God is meeting us right where we are - speaking to us - heart to heart - and giving us understanding. CRAZY faithfulness that grows my faith! No one - no circumstance - can take our intimate learning moments with Jesus from us - ever. AND that will make - and HAS made - all the difference.

BIBLE STUDY

“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from your law.” Psalm 119:18

~ Ask God to Teach you about Himself ~

Reading the Bible

1. Read the passage several times.

2. Be still and think about the verse(s) that you have just read.

a. Have you heard or read this before? In what context?

b. Is there another Scripture you have heard or read that is similar? Can you find it? What is the context of this passage? Do these passages connect? If so, how?

c. What stands out to you from this passage (word, phrase, action, person)? Why?

3. As you read the passage again, possibly aloud this time, ask yourself some questions about the passage. Is there:

a. A sin to confess?

b. A promise to claim?

c. An attitude to change?

d. A command to obey?

e. An example to follow? A positive one to imitate or a negative one to avoid?

f. A prayer to pray?

g. An error to avoid?

h. A truth to believe?

i. Something to praise God for?

4. Write out what you have understood from your time of meditation.

5. Write out how you will apply to your life the truth you now understand from this passage.

Studying Your Bible

1. Read with purpose (to know a character, a truth, a promise, a topic, a theme, chapter study, word study).

2. Observe the obvious (FACTS: type of book, author, audience, people mentioned, places, repeated words, events.

3. Identify the context (words, phrases, and sentences surrounding a particular word, phrase, or sentence).

4. Consider details (contrasts, comparisons, terms of conclusion, expressions of time, the culture).

5. Deal with the text objectively (let the text speak for itself).

6. Cross-reference (biblestudytools.com).

7. Compare translations. (crosswalk.com).

8. Write down what you learn from each passage you study.

What does it all mean?

1. Context is king in interpretation; it rules.

2. Be careful not to violate the general theme of the book you are studying.

3. Look for the author’s intended meaning of the passage.

4. Check to be sure your conclusions are in accordance or agreement with what the author said in other books of his writing.

5. Make sure your conclusions do not violate other Biblical truths. Scripture will never contradict Scripture.

Application

1. Pray for insight on how to apply the passage of Scripture you have studied.

2. Write out the your personal application plan: Based on: _____________ I am going to:_______________.

3. How will you evaluate your life change?