Posts
Truth. Do we know it when we hear it? Are we discerning enough to recognize the lie from the truth? What is the key to insight? to truth? I'm talkin' life pivotal truth - that brings about change in us and through us for our good - for the good of others.
I was talking to a mom yesterday about who has a five year-old daughter. Her little girl is challenging this mother using four letter words of the most colorful kind. The child has heard these words from Daddy and Grandpa and enjoys trying them out herself in any context that requires a raised voice and strong emphasis. The mother's concern: What do I do if she goes to kindergarten using these words in the classroom?
She went on to tell me she has put her daughter in time out and that never works, and so now she has resorted -as of late - to telling her child when she swears at her, "If you talk that way, the devil will visit you at night."
"However," she continued - "every day it still continues - regardless of being told the devil will be coming to see her in the night."
Do you see clearly to the truth? What really needs to happen here? This mother of two has heard many opinions. Can you imagine the various kind of directions and inights she has been given? And does anyone consider the precious hearts tethered by hope to their words? More than cussing in kindergarten is at stake here. A relationship is being molded. A child's heart is being shaped. A mother's influence is being cultivated.
How desperate we are for the way, the truth and the life! How easily we are lost in our own understanding! Every word on which we pivot is so powerful, and deception is so very subtle, isn't it?
"Sanctify them by truth; your WORD is truth." John 17:17
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A Snake. Why am I surprised?
Early wake up call this morning. About 6:30 a.m. my girly-girl is up to greet the day with me. I am an early riser - and she is never far behind me. We enjoyed the beautiful sunrise crafted by our artistic Creator, and together bounded upstairs to get ready for the day.
She had been in her room for a few moments rummaging through her closet looking for a shirt that would match the sky she had just admired, and then she was at my side as I rummaged through my own closet.
"Mommy, " she said.
"Yes.." I replied.
"Did you see the notes in my folder about the Anaconda?"
"Yes. I did. I left them there because I thought you might need them for your research paper." (It's research week in her third grade class.)
"Did you read them?"
"No. Did you want me to?"
"Well, I want to read to you one really cool fact that has me totally freaked out." She disappeared with a bounce and was back at my side just as quickly and enthusiastically. "You gotta hear this: (Oh my heart! If I had only known what I would hear next.) "The male Anaconda mates with the female by sliding along her body until their two openings come together."
Silence.
She looked up at me. I am telling you, my friends, a conversation took place between my child's eyes and my own that I thought would take place one day- but that I had not imagined - or anticipated what that silent language would sound like in my heart and in my mind - locked with hers - my girl - my child - my heart song. She locked eyes with me and asked a question with those sparkling emeralds that my own eyes answered without a sound. I confirmed without wanting to confirm, and she knew. I saw the light of understanding come across those green eyes and ignite a smile. She exhaled and stayed locked in on me. I asked her - now with words - choosing oh so carefully what those words might be, "What do you think those openings might be?"
She replied, so trusting - so completely unafraid to let me in on her own secret ponderings (thankyouGod!) "I think they are their mouths and their cha-chas." (definition of cha-cha: private part. I know, silly, but it has worked for now.)
"Kamryn," I said, "you are very smart, and I think you are right." She smiled at me, looked down at her paper and shook her head with such delight in herself - in her understanding.
It was a precious awakening, and yet I wanted to cry. "You know!" I thought to myself. "You know!" my heart sobbed inside. That snake taught you something that I was not ready for you to know, and won't that be the way it always is?
Oh my little girl, I love to learn alongside of you! Your innocent perspective is precious to me, and I will handle it with care as your eyes are opened to the truth of God's gift of sex. Satan has plotted since before you were born to rob women of the beauty of God's design for sex in marriage. But God, my baby - But God! He is far wiser than the Snake he created! And so - And so - And SO - (strong resolve!) with your hand in mine - I will walk closely with you clinging to God's Truth in all of our conversations, drawing your attention to Him - His Creative Design that surrounds us from dusk until dawn. I will not fear the lessons of the dark that you have yet to realize, but, my girl, I will shine God's Light on them with you, so that you can embrace TRUTH, and not be ignorant of it. God is faithful! He will see to it that you, my daughter, will be armed with everything you need to answer - on your own - what the snake whispers to deceive your heart.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3 I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love. Hosea 11:4 I (Jesus), if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself. John 12:32 Behold the Lamb of God! John 1:36 As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:14-15
She had been in her room for a few moments rummaging through her closet looking for a shirt that would match the sky she had just admired, and then she was at my side as I rummaged through my own closet.
"Mommy, " she said.
"Yes.." I replied.
"Did you see the notes in my folder about the Anaconda?"
"Yes. I did. I left them there because I thought you might need them for your research paper." (It's research week in her third grade class.)
"Did you read them?"
"No. Did you want me to?"
"Well, I want to read to you one really cool fact that has me totally freaked out." She disappeared with a bounce and was back at my side just as quickly and enthusiastically. "You gotta hear this: (Oh my heart! If I had only known what I would hear next.) "The male Anaconda mates with the female by sliding along her body until their two openings come together."
Silence.
She looked up at me. I am telling you, my friends, a conversation took place between my child's eyes and my own that I thought would take place one day- but that I had not imagined - or anticipated what that silent language would sound like in my heart and in my mind - locked with hers - my girl - my child - my heart song. She locked eyes with me and asked a question with those sparkling emeralds that my own eyes answered without a sound. I confirmed without wanting to confirm, and she knew. I saw the light of understanding come across those green eyes and ignite a smile. She exhaled and stayed locked in on me. I asked her - now with words - choosing oh so carefully what those words might be, "What do you think those openings might be?"
She replied, so trusting - so completely unafraid to let me in on her own secret ponderings (thankyouGod!) "I think they are their mouths and their cha-chas." (definition of cha-cha: private part. I know, silly, but it has worked for now.)
"Kamryn," I said, "you are very smart, and I think you are right." She smiled at me, looked down at her paper and shook her head with such delight in herself - in her understanding.
It was a precious awakening, and yet I wanted to cry. "You know!" I thought to myself. "You know!" my heart sobbed inside. That snake taught you something that I was not ready for you to know, and won't that be the way it always is?
Oh my little girl, I love to learn alongside of you! Your innocent perspective is precious to me, and I will handle it with care as your eyes are opened to the truth of God's gift of sex. Satan has plotted since before you were born to rob women of the beauty of God's design for sex in marriage. But God, my baby - But God! He is far wiser than the Snake he created! And so - And so - And SO - (strong resolve!) with your hand in mine - I will walk closely with you clinging to God's Truth in all of our conversations, drawing your attention to Him - His Creative Design that surrounds us from dusk until dawn. I will not fear the lessons of the dark that you have yet to realize, but, my girl, I will shine God's Light on them with you, so that you can embrace TRUTH, and not be ignorant of it. God is faithful! He will see to it that you, my daughter, will be armed with everything you need to answer - on your own - what the snake whispers to deceive your heart.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3 I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love. Hosea 11:4 I (Jesus), if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself. John 12:32 Behold the Lamb of God! John 1:36 As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:14-15
Friday, April 9, 2010
Good News
What a different day today is from yesterday! I have an answer to prayer, and it is one that brings clear direction and peace. Double blessing. Kaden's MRI did not show a brain tumor. He has a sinus infection and a cyst on one of his sinuses. A specialist will tell us more about the cyst at our appointment in two weeks. The blockage caused by the cyst could be the cause of his headaches or it might not. We will have to see. HOWEVER, huge EXHALE for the release of what I was prepared to embrace! The genetics packed into my son's head had me well-aware of the fragility of flesh. How I wish I could fully understand what Jesus meant when he said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." When he said, I am the resurrection and the life," to Martha - and when John said "The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us." I want to get what that means so that I do not cling to this life in fear! I want to be infused with understanding with what it means to have eternal life NOW - cause indeed it has already begun for those of us who believe. Because with that kind of faith - what would bring fear to my heart concerning my children? concerning the people that I get to know and love and learn with? concerning myself?
Faith! I need great faith! I need faith that sees the eternal aspect of this life we have in Christ who is the only LIFE. What did I just say? Does that make sense? I wish - how I wish - this truth had visual sense in my heart and mind! One day! Oh sweet one day it will!
I remember when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Kaden - oh great, I'm crying. Ugh. Bear with me. My husband and I came home from Vintage (then 1824 - our church college group) on a Tuesday night, and it was about 10 o'clock. I had just tucked my daughter into her little bed, and was getting ready for bed myself when I realized I was bleeding. At 10 weeks of pregnancy - that is never good. I began to cry very hard because the bleeding increased and I was cramping with it as well. "My baby is gone," was all I could think. I shook as I dialed the phone to find out from my gynecologist what I should do, or what I could do to stop this - to save my baby. "Wait until morning," she said. Can you believe that??? Wait until morning?!?!? I was hormonal and bleeding, and hoping in a life that was yet unseen - but hoped in with every ounce of my heart, my body, my mind - all of me waited for this child - since the moment I knew he was there - and she told me to wait until morning! She said the words, "not good". DNC was somewhere in there. I was lost in emotions, and I struggled not to give meaning a shot at the reality of my heartache. Please not my baby. Please not my baby. Please not my baby.
What could I do but pray? My sweet husband, so full of faith - never shed a tear while he held me. So strong! so trusting! never spoke a word of false hope or even one of stone hard truth. He let me cry and pray in his arms as we sat together on the floor beside our bed. And when I could think logically about what was going on, I asked him to go to the store for me. The blood flow was not stopping, and I was only prepared for a baby - not blood. He went, and I stayed put - by the side of my bed -so afraid to move. So perfectly waiting -as if God placed it there - my Bible was right beside me. Having no idea what to read, what to think about - my mind did not land on one verse to seek out - I just opened the book and began to read where my eyes fell. Can I tell you what I read?
"People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. Matthew 19:13-14
I kid you not! I would not have been able to find this verse if my life depended on it. However, that night - on my knees before my God - it was there. And amazingly - I stopped crying and rocking and shaking. I did not pontificate about the layers of truth in Jesus message or cross reference and study, and try to learn all he was really saying to these people in Judea - all I did was close my eyes and say, "Okay". This baby is yours and I will entrust it to you. I recorded my thoughts in my journal that night. I would love to share with you what I wrote:
12/10/02
It is 11:43 p.m. I believe I am losing you, my baby. I am bleeding pretty heavily, and I called my doctor who said it does not sound good. Last Wednesday I was bleeding a little, but it stopped. I went and had an ultrasound and Daddy saw your precious heartbeat. We thought you would be okay. I cannot keep you inside me - no matter how much I ache to cradle you into life - God holds you now - and to Him I give all the praise - all the honor and glory.
"Trust in the Lord Forever - for in YAWH, the Lord is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:4
"Let the little children come to me for such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14
I wrote again a week later.
12/17/02
My precious baby, I gave you to God completely, and He has graciously allowed me to keep you. I cannot bring myself to read the page before this one, because I know it is full of grief and letting go. For now your heart still beats within me, and for now that is all I need from God. He sustains you. He sustains me. Together we grow - because of Him.
Yes, God brought this all to mind in the midst of wrapping Kaden too tightly in a life I cannot possibly define correctly in my limited understanding. God holds Him. He always has. And His purposes for that tender, beating heart - for Kaden's mind -for his growing courage -are far beyond what I can imagine in baseball pants or cozy shark pajamas - and hugs that smell like a penny.
God's life for Kaden is eternal. No, I do not fully realize what that means. I wish I did. I only know that our God will hold me to that truth - always. And - yes, THAT is good news.
Faith! I need great faith! I need faith that sees the eternal aspect of this life we have in Christ who is the only LIFE. What did I just say? Does that make sense? I wish - how I wish - this truth had visual sense in my heart and mind! One day! Oh sweet one day it will!
I remember when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Kaden - oh great, I'm crying. Ugh. Bear with me. My husband and I came home from Vintage (then 1824 - our church college group) on a Tuesday night, and it was about 10 o'clock. I had just tucked my daughter into her little bed, and was getting ready for bed myself when I realized I was bleeding. At 10 weeks of pregnancy - that is never good. I began to cry very hard because the bleeding increased and I was cramping with it as well. "My baby is gone," was all I could think. I shook as I dialed the phone to find out from my gynecologist what I should do, or what I could do to stop this - to save my baby. "Wait until morning," she said. Can you believe that??? Wait until morning?!?!? I was hormonal and bleeding, and hoping in a life that was yet unseen - but hoped in with every ounce of my heart, my body, my mind - all of me waited for this child - since the moment I knew he was there - and she told me to wait until morning! She said the words, "not good". DNC was somewhere in there. I was lost in emotions, and I struggled not to give meaning a shot at the reality of my heartache. Please not my baby. Please not my baby. Please not my baby.
What could I do but pray? My sweet husband, so full of faith - never shed a tear while he held me. So strong! so trusting! never spoke a word of false hope or even one of stone hard truth. He let me cry and pray in his arms as we sat together on the floor beside our bed. And when I could think logically about what was going on, I asked him to go to the store for me. The blood flow was not stopping, and I was only prepared for a baby - not blood. He went, and I stayed put - by the side of my bed -so afraid to move. So perfectly waiting -as if God placed it there - my Bible was right beside me. Having no idea what to read, what to think about - my mind did not land on one verse to seek out - I just opened the book and began to read where my eyes fell. Can I tell you what I read?
"People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there. Matthew 19:13-14
I kid you not! I would not have been able to find this verse if my life depended on it. However, that night - on my knees before my God - it was there. And amazingly - I stopped crying and rocking and shaking. I did not pontificate about the layers of truth in Jesus message or cross reference and study, and try to learn all he was really saying to these people in Judea - all I did was close my eyes and say, "Okay". This baby is yours and I will entrust it to you. I recorded my thoughts in my journal that night. I would love to share with you what I wrote:
12/10/02
It is 11:43 p.m. I believe I am losing you, my baby. I am bleeding pretty heavily, and I called my doctor who said it does not sound good. Last Wednesday I was bleeding a little, but it stopped. I went and had an ultrasound and Daddy saw your precious heartbeat. We thought you would be okay. I cannot keep you inside me - no matter how much I ache to cradle you into life - God holds you now - and to Him I give all the praise - all the honor and glory.
"Trust in the Lord Forever - for in YAWH, the Lord is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:4
"Let the little children come to me for such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14
I wrote again a week later.
12/17/02
My precious baby, I gave you to God completely, and He has graciously allowed me to keep you. I cannot bring myself to read the page before this one, because I know it is full of grief and letting go. For now your heart still beats within me, and for now that is all I need from God. He sustains you. He sustains me. Together we grow - because of Him.
Yes, God brought this all to mind in the midst of wrapping Kaden too tightly in a life I cannot possibly define correctly in my limited understanding. God holds Him. He always has. And His purposes for that tender, beating heart - for Kaden's mind -for his growing courage -are far beyond what I can imagine in baseball pants or cozy shark pajamas - and hugs that smell like a penny.
God's life for Kaden is eternal. No, I do not fully realize what that means. I wish I did. I only know that our God will hold me to that truth - always. And - yes, THAT is good news.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Evidence of things not seen.
Faith is believing without seeing. I understand that concise definition. A certainty that cannot be formulated around anything that is completely logical - just that inner drive to believe. Faith is a gift from God. We are equipped by our Creator and Savior with the capacity to believe without seeing - and not only that - but we are also gifted with the freedom to choose what we put our faith in. Now that is a mystery to me. It is in me to believe in a god or an ideology I cannot see or touch. And what I love about this is that not only has the Creator gifted us with the ability for this intangible treasure called faith - but He has also made it His purpose to grow us in our ability to believe. By God's grace, He has lovingly taught me that any other god I have trusted in apart from Him will fail. And by His grace He has taught me His unwavering character and promises that I can believe in despite circumstances of this world that cause pain and fear.
The morning of May 29th, 1990 I received a phone call. I was alone in the house. Everyone else had gone to work. My brother, Tom, called to tell me my father had been in a car accident. It wasn't good. He told me that he would call to let me know more when he could.
Waiting.
I readied myself quickly. My mind raced. What if he was going to be in the hospital a long time? Tom's wedding was in two weeks. What if he broke something? What if his eyes were hurt. He had just had cataract surgery. What if - what if he died? No. No he's not going to die. That's absurd. I discarded that thought immediately. He was driving my car. What if my car was totalled? Then what would I do? What if I had to go without a car?
Waiting.
Two hours had passed. How would I get the phone number for the hospital in Youngstown? How many hospitals were there in Youngstown. Information - call information. One number and a quick connection and I was on the phone with a nurse. "Please, I need to know about Franklin Lombardo."
"What is your relation, dear?"
My relation? What is my relation? "I am his daughter."
"Hold please."
Waiting.
"Hello, are you holding for information on Franklin Lombardo?"
"Yes, I am. Can you please tell me is he there?"
"He is here, and you need to come here, too. Can you get to the hospital?
"I need to get there? He has my car. I, well, I can find a way. I need to come now?"
"Yes, come now. Are you okay to drive?"
Okay to drive? "What is wrong? Is my dad okay? Is he going to be okay?"
"Sweetheart, just get here as soon as you can, and you need to drive very carefully."
"Okay. I'm coming. Tell him I'm coming right now."
"Be careful. Good-bye."
CLICK.
My heart. All I could hear was my heart. I stood in awe and wonder and listened to my heart race hard and fast.
Call my grandmother - I will call my grandmother. Someone tell me he's okay. "Please pray, Grammy. Daddy has been in a bad car accident. I just talked to someone at the hospital. They told me to come. What do I do?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You calm down. You go like she told you. I will pray, dear. I will. Pop and I will be praying. Call me."
No car. I have no car. I called my friend to drive me. He said he would come quickly. He was on his way to get me.
Waiting.
The drive was long from Copley to Youngstown. I looked for evidence of his accident the whole way - and saw nothing. I wanted to see a glimpse of the reality of what I had been told. A car accident? A bad accident? How bad? Would I be able to tell how bad it was if I could see any remaining wreckage? I wanted to see something of what I was trying to grasp. Show me something, I thought. Skid marks, broken glass, a tow truck carrying my blue car?
"God will not let anything happen to you guys!" My friend blurted out to break the silence.
"If he dies, a part of me will die will die, too." I can hear myself say it as if it were yesterday.
Indeed, he died. Indeed God let it happen. And yes - a part of me died. I miss my dad terribly. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not enjoy a memory of him or see him in my children and long for him in their lives and mine. However, I do not miss the part of me that died on May 29th, 1990. God allowed the death of a false god I worshipped - so that He could stand in its place and complete what was so desperately lacking in my heart.
"Those who cling to worthless idols sacrifice God's love for them." Jonah 2:8
I believe I worshipped the god of prosperity. "God will not let anything happen to you guys" was part of my belief system. What bad could happen when we worshipped the god of prosperity. This god made all things work together for good, and surely this meant no bad thing could touch us. False doctrine=false security=false hope=devastation in the hardship of this world.
If this life offered all we would need for joy - than why did Jesus even need to come and bring LIFE that we might have it to the full? I needed to know God, because most certainly I did not.
March 4th, 2010 was a beautiful Easter, wasn't it? During our family celebration, my son had one of his many headaches, but this time our family was all present, and rather concerned - especially when I told them this was one of several headaches since about October 2009. My mother-in-law reminded me that Kaden's Aunt Heather had headaches as a child and had a brain tumor removed at age five. Calling the doctor to have this checked out would be a wise move on our part. Again, I heard that old familiar beat of my heart - racing to catch up with the vision of my reality. Brain tumor. Kaden's aunt. Kaden's grandmother on his dad's side. Kaden's great grandfather and great uncle on his grandmother's side. Brain tumors are not uncommon in our family history. My second cousin's little boy died from a brain tumor. Thoughts racing wildly - and my family talking confidently over them that everything would be okay, just make sure. We left our Easter celebration with the resolve to take action. "I am the resurrection and the life." I heard it again, and again, and again - over the sound of the laughter in the back seat of the car - over the words in my memory...
"God will not let anything bad happen to you guys"
I remembered that false statement and once again was in the front seat of my friend's car driving to reach the end of my What If journey. I went to bed that night in that seat. My eyes filled with tears, the sound of my heart pounding out the truth of God that fills it now and didn't then - "Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, I am Kaden's God."
Waiting.
The 8'oclock hour could not come soon enough. I called and made Kaden's appointment, and the MRI was scheduled after seeing the pediatrician. Our family history - not the headaches in and of themselves - call for caution. March 7, 2010 at 11:00 Kaden would have the MRI so we could alleviate the possibility of a brain tumor.
Waiting.
God infuse me with faith! I want the faith of Rahab. I am doing a study at church called Women of the Bible with seven amazing women. Each woman of the Bible brings to our study time her own adventure with God, and each one brings her enthusiasm to know Him more. Yes, I speak of the ancient women on the written page of The Word - and of the women I get to know, and love, and grow with during this study time. Such a gift to my life! One lesson simply will not let me go. "Did I not tell you that if you believe you would see the glory of God?" Jesus words to Martha at the tomb of Lazarus. Martha had no idea what Jesus meant when he said he was the resurrection and the life. She knew, but she didn't really know. He refined her faith in him that day. Another woman who has impacted my heart recently is Rahab. She believed in God - simply by hearing of what He had done - and her great faith saved her and her family from destruction. Did her family members think she was crazy when she made them come and stay in her home while the army of Israel marched around their city? Did they scorn her and ridicule her for her unfaithfulness to Jericho, for her ludicrus actions? And when the walls fell and they walked out over the rubble - Did she turn to them and say, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
Why when circumstances press in on me am I afraid to believe in the power of God? Or is it that I am not afraid to believe in God's power - but actually I am afraid that I am believing in the wrong god once again?
Have I been trusting in the god of prosperity? Because if I am believing in the God who is the Resurrection and the Life - there is no need to fear what comes my way on the other side of What If.
Waiting.
Prayer is a miraculous weapon in the battle against principalities and powers. I enlisted the prayers of the godly women in my life - and they prayed! and they prayed hard! They are probably still praying! I asked for courage for my son and peace for him in that MRI machine that would cradle his body for 45 minutes. I asked for peace and courage for myself so that he could look in my eyes and see faith in a God who said HE would never leave us nor forsake us. I asked for the glory of God to come through this experience, and I asked if it would be God's will that He would give Kaden a healthy brain - evident in this MRI.
Waiting.
Kaden has not once demonstrated any fear - not once. We walked into that room that held the largest machine he had ever laid eyes on and he smiled the biggest smile. He knew he was going to be a part of something larger than his life! The kindest nurse walked him through how it would work and where he would lay. He hopped right up and was ready and willing to get started. You bet I thought of Isaac on the altar. For the glory of God - Isaac did not run. For the glory of God - neither did Kaden. I stood at his feet holding to them tightly and worshipping our Creator, our Savior, and our healer - who for His amazing purposes was letting us have this time with Him in His arms. No tears fell from my eyes - not one. I was steadfast and immovable in my faith. I felt the power of prayer - and I watched it overwhelm and still my child in total peace while the loud clammor of that machine pounded around his head. He was as gentle and as quiet as a lamb. "Fear thou not for I am with you. He anoints my head with oil. He rejoices over you with singing. I will call upon the Lord. I lift up my eyes to the mountain. My help comes from the Lord." Scripture after scripture flooded my heart and I prayed each one over that little boy whose eyes were closed from time to time as he thought of adventures yet to come: of Disney World, playing baseball, his friends at school, his birthday party for July, and swimming with sharks one day in heaven.
Every prayer we prayed for that MRI day was answered. Grateful, grateful, grateful for people who love us enough to endure with us through prayer. Beautiful are the prayers of my family and friends! What could be more precious than their own faith demonstrated on our behalf in prayer?
Waiting.
It's after 9 a.m. on April 8th, and I have not yet heard from the pediatrician. I am alone in the house, and I am waiting for the call. Today is a new day. What was old is passed away, and what is eternal of God lives in me. I have huge peace. That alone to me is amazing. Put in a place of vulnerability - (which truly is every heart beat - but I am a fool who often has misappropriated faith )- I wring my hands and cry. However on this flight - my dispossition is not my own - it is of God. I have peace even though we are seemingly in distress. Our seat belts are secure. Our pilot is in control. I am trusting, and I am rejoicing, and I am grateful for the refining of my faith.
I will let you know the fullness of this glory filled journey when we have landed. Thank you for believing with me in the glory of God.
Waiting.
The morning of May 29th, 1990 I received a phone call. I was alone in the house. Everyone else had gone to work. My brother, Tom, called to tell me my father had been in a car accident. It wasn't good. He told me that he would call to let me know more when he could.
Waiting.
I readied myself quickly. My mind raced. What if he was going to be in the hospital a long time? Tom's wedding was in two weeks. What if he broke something? What if his eyes were hurt. He had just had cataract surgery. What if - what if he died? No. No he's not going to die. That's absurd. I discarded that thought immediately. He was driving my car. What if my car was totalled? Then what would I do? What if I had to go without a car?
Waiting.
Two hours had passed. How would I get the phone number for the hospital in Youngstown? How many hospitals were there in Youngstown. Information - call information. One number and a quick connection and I was on the phone with a nurse. "Please, I need to know about Franklin Lombardo."
"What is your relation, dear?"
My relation? What is my relation? "I am his daughter."
"Hold please."
Waiting.
"Hello, are you holding for information on Franklin Lombardo?"
"Yes, I am. Can you please tell me is he there?"
"He is here, and you need to come here, too. Can you get to the hospital?
"I need to get there? He has my car. I, well, I can find a way. I need to come now?"
"Yes, come now. Are you okay to drive?"
Okay to drive? "What is wrong? Is my dad okay? Is he going to be okay?"
"Sweetheart, just get here as soon as you can, and you need to drive very carefully."
"Okay. I'm coming. Tell him I'm coming right now."
"Be careful. Good-bye."
CLICK.
My heart. All I could hear was my heart. I stood in awe and wonder and listened to my heart race hard and fast.
Call my grandmother - I will call my grandmother. Someone tell me he's okay. "Please pray, Grammy. Daddy has been in a bad car accident. I just talked to someone at the hospital. They told me to come. What do I do?"
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You calm down. You go like she told you. I will pray, dear. I will. Pop and I will be praying. Call me."
No car. I have no car. I called my friend to drive me. He said he would come quickly. He was on his way to get me.
Waiting.
The drive was long from Copley to Youngstown. I looked for evidence of his accident the whole way - and saw nothing. I wanted to see a glimpse of the reality of what I had been told. A car accident? A bad accident? How bad? Would I be able to tell how bad it was if I could see any remaining wreckage? I wanted to see something of what I was trying to grasp. Show me something, I thought. Skid marks, broken glass, a tow truck carrying my blue car?
"God will not let anything happen to you guys!" My friend blurted out to break the silence.
"If he dies, a part of me will die will die, too." I can hear myself say it as if it were yesterday.
Indeed, he died. Indeed God let it happen. And yes - a part of me died. I miss my dad terribly. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not enjoy a memory of him or see him in my children and long for him in their lives and mine. However, I do not miss the part of me that died on May 29th, 1990. God allowed the death of a false god I worshipped - so that He could stand in its place and complete what was so desperately lacking in my heart.
"Those who cling to worthless idols sacrifice God's love for them." Jonah 2:8
I believe I worshipped the god of prosperity. "God will not let anything happen to you guys" was part of my belief system. What bad could happen when we worshipped the god of prosperity. This god made all things work together for good, and surely this meant no bad thing could touch us. False doctrine=false security=false hope=devastation in the hardship of this world.
If this life offered all we would need for joy - than why did Jesus even need to come and bring LIFE that we might have it to the full? I needed to know God, because most certainly I did not.
March 4th, 2010 was a beautiful Easter, wasn't it? During our family celebration, my son had one of his many headaches, but this time our family was all present, and rather concerned - especially when I told them this was one of several headaches since about October 2009. My mother-in-law reminded me that Kaden's Aunt Heather had headaches as a child and had a brain tumor removed at age five. Calling the doctor to have this checked out would be a wise move on our part. Again, I heard that old familiar beat of my heart - racing to catch up with the vision of my reality. Brain tumor. Kaden's aunt. Kaden's grandmother on his dad's side. Kaden's great grandfather and great uncle on his grandmother's side. Brain tumors are not uncommon in our family history. My second cousin's little boy died from a brain tumor. Thoughts racing wildly - and my family talking confidently over them that everything would be okay, just make sure. We left our Easter celebration with the resolve to take action. "I am the resurrection and the life." I heard it again, and again, and again - over the sound of the laughter in the back seat of the car - over the words in my memory...
"God will not let anything bad happen to you guys"
I remembered that false statement and once again was in the front seat of my friend's car driving to reach the end of my What If journey. I went to bed that night in that seat. My eyes filled with tears, the sound of my heart pounding out the truth of God that fills it now and didn't then - "Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, I am Kaden's God."
Waiting.
The 8'oclock hour could not come soon enough. I called and made Kaden's appointment, and the MRI was scheduled after seeing the pediatrician. Our family history - not the headaches in and of themselves - call for caution. March 7, 2010 at 11:00 Kaden would have the MRI so we could alleviate the possibility of a brain tumor.
Waiting.
God infuse me with faith! I want the faith of Rahab. I am doing a study at church called Women of the Bible with seven amazing women. Each woman of the Bible brings to our study time her own adventure with God, and each one brings her enthusiasm to know Him more. Yes, I speak of the ancient women on the written page of The Word - and of the women I get to know, and love, and grow with during this study time. Such a gift to my life! One lesson simply will not let me go. "Did I not tell you that if you believe you would see the glory of God?" Jesus words to Martha at the tomb of Lazarus. Martha had no idea what Jesus meant when he said he was the resurrection and the life. She knew, but she didn't really know. He refined her faith in him that day. Another woman who has impacted my heart recently is Rahab. She believed in God - simply by hearing of what He had done - and her great faith saved her and her family from destruction. Did her family members think she was crazy when she made them come and stay in her home while the army of Israel marched around their city? Did they scorn her and ridicule her for her unfaithfulness to Jericho, for her ludicrus actions? And when the walls fell and they walked out over the rubble - Did she turn to them and say, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
Why when circumstances press in on me am I afraid to believe in the power of God? Or is it that I am not afraid to believe in God's power - but actually I am afraid that I am believing in the wrong god once again?
Have I been trusting in the god of prosperity? Because if I am believing in the God who is the Resurrection and the Life - there is no need to fear what comes my way on the other side of What If.
Waiting.
Prayer is a miraculous weapon in the battle against principalities and powers. I enlisted the prayers of the godly women in my life - and they prayed! and they prayed hard! They are probably still praying! I asked for courage for my son and peace for him in that MRI machine that would cradle his body for 45 minutes. I asked for peace and courage for myself so that he could look in my eyes and see faith in a God who said HE would never leave us nor forsake us. I asked for the glory of God to come through this experience, and I asked if it would be God's will that He would give Kaden a healthy brain - evident in this MRI.
Waiting.
Kaden has not once demonstrated any fear - not once. We walked into that room that held the largest machine he had ever laid eyes on and he smiled the biggest smile. He knew he was going to be a part of something larger than his life! The kindest nurse walked him through how it would work and where he would lay. He hopped right up and was ready and willing to get started. You bet I thought of Isaac on the altar. For the glory of God - Isaac did not run. For the glory of God - neither did Kaden. I stood at his feet holding to them tightly and worshipping our Creator, our Savior, and our healer - who for His amazing purposes was letting us have this time with Him in His arms. No tears fell from my eyes - not one. I was steadfast and immovable in my faith. I felt the power of prayer - and I watched it overwhelm and still my child in total peace while the loud clammor of that machine pounded around his head. He was as gentle and as quiet as a lamb. "Fear thou not for I am with you. He anoints my head with oil. He rejoices over you with singing. I will call upon the Lord. I lift up my eyes to the mountain. My help comes from the Lord." Scripture after scripture flooded my heart and I prayed each one over that little boy whose eyes were closed from time to time as he thought of adventures yet to come: of Disney World, playing baseball, his friends at school, his birthday party for July, and swimming with sharks one day in heaven.
Every prayer we prayed for that MRI day was answered. Grateful, grateful, grateful for people who love us enough to endure with us through prayer. Beautiful are the prayers of my family and friends! What could be more precious than their own faith demonstrated on our behalf in prayer?
Waiting.
It's after 9 a.m. on April 8th, and I have not yet heard from the pediatrician. I am alone in the house, and I am waiting for the call. Today is a new day. What was old is passed away, and what is eternal of God lives in me. I have huge peace. That alone to me is amazing. Put in a place of vulnerability - (which truly is every heart beat - but I am a fool who often has misappropriated faith )- I wring my hands and cry. However on this flight - my dispossition is not my own - it is of God. I have peace even though we are seemingly in distress. Our seat belts are secure. Our pilot is in control. I am trusting, and I am rejoicing, and I am grateful for the refining of my faith.
I will let you know the fullness of this glory filled journey when we have landed. Thank you for believing with me in the glory of God.
Waiting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
