Evidence of things not seen.

Faith is believing without seeing. I understand that concise definition. A certainty that cannot be formulated around anything that is completely logical - just that inner drive to believe. Faith is a gift from God. We are equipped by our Creator and Savior with the capacity to believe without seeing - and not only that - but we are also gifted with the freedom to choose what we put our faith in. Now that is a mystery to me. It is in me to believe in a god or an ideology I cannot see or touch. And what I love about this is that not only has the Creator gifted us with the ability for this intangible treasure called faith - but He has also made it His purpose to grow us in our ability to believe. By God's grace, He has lovingly taught me that any other god I have trusted in apart from Him will fail. And by His grace He has taught me His unwavering character and promises that I can believe in despite circumstances of this world that cause pain and fear.

The morning of May 29th, 1990 I received a phone call. I was alone in the house. Everyone else had gone to work. My brother, Tom, called to tell me my father had been in a car accident. It wasn't good. He told me that he would call to let me know more when he could.

Waiting.

I readied myself quickly. My mind raced. What if he was going to be in the hospital a long time? Tom's wedding was in two weeks. What if he broke something? What if his eyes were hurt. He had just had cataract surgery. What if - what if he died? No. No he's not going to die. That's absurd. I discarded that thought immediately. He was driving my car. What if my car was totalled? Then what would I do? What if I had to go without a car?

Waiting.

Two hours had passed. How would I get the phone number for the hospital in Youngstown? How many hospitals were there in Youngstown. Information - call information. One number and a quick connection and I was on the phone with a nurse. "Please, I need to know about Franklin Lombardo."

"What is your relation, dear?"

My relation? What is my relation? "I am his daughter."

"Hold please."

Waiting.

"Hello, are you holding for information on Franklin Lombardo?"

"Yes, I am. Can you please tell me is he there?"

"He is here, and you need to come here, too. Can you get to the hospital?

"I need to get there? He has my car. I, well, I can find a way. I need to come now?"

"Yes, come now. Are you okay to drive?"

Okay to drive? "What is wrong? Is my dad okay? Is he going to be okay?"

"Sweetheart, just get here as soon as you can, and you need to drive very carefully."

"Okay. I'm coming. Tell him I'm coming right now."

"Be careful. Good-bye."

CLICK.

My heart. All I could hear was my heart. I stood in awe and wonder and listened to my heart race hard and fast.

Call my grandmother - I will call my grandmother. Someone tell me he's okay. "Please pray, Grammy. Daddy has been in a bad car accident. I just talked to someone at the hospital. They told me to come. What do I do?"

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You calm down. You go like she told you. I will pray, dear. I will. Pop and I will be praying. Call me."

No car. I have no car. I called my friend to drive me. He said he would come quickly. He was on his way to get me.

Waiting.

The drive was long from Copley to Youngstown. I looked for evidence of his accident the whole way - and saw nothing. I wanted to see a glimpse of the reality of what I had been told. A car accident? A bad accident? How bad? Would I be able to tell how bad it was if I could see any remaining wreckage? I wanted to see something of what I was trying to grasp. Show me something, I thought. Skid marks, broken glass, a tow truck carrying my blue car?

"God will not let anything happen to you guys!" My friend blurted out to break the silence.

"If he dies, a part of me will die will die, too." I can hear myself say it as if it were yesterday.

Indeed, he died. Indeed God let it happen. And yes - a part of me died. I miss my dad terribly. There is rarely a day that goes by that I do not enjoy a memory of him or see him in my children and long for him in their lives and mine. However, I do not miss the part of me that died on May 29th, 1990. God allowed the death of a false god I worshipped - so that He could stand in its place and complete what was so desperately lacking in my heart.

"Those who cling to worthless idols sacrifice God's love for them." Jonah 2:8

I believe I worshipped the god of prosperity. "God will not let anything happen to you guys" was part of my belief system. What bad could happen when we worshipped the god of prosperity. This god made all things work together for good, and surely this meant no bad thing could touch us. False doctrine=false security=false hope=devastation in the hardship of this world.

If this life offered all we would need for joy - than why did Jesus even need to come and bring LIFE that we might have it to the full? I needed to know God, because most certainly I did not.

March 4th, 2010 was a beautiful Easter, wasn't it? During our family celebration, my son had one of his many headaches, but this time our family was all present, and rather concerned - especially when I told them this was one of several headaches since about October 2009. My mother-in-law reminded me that Kaden's Aunt Heather had headaches as a child and had a brain tumor removed at age five. Calling the doctor to have this checked out would be a wise move on our part. Again, I heard that old familiar beat of my heart - racing to catch up with the vision of my reality. Brain tumor. Kaden's aunt. Kaden's grandmother on his dad's side. Kaden's great grandfather and great uncle on his grandmother's side. Brain tumors are not uncommon in our family history. My second cousin's little boy died from a brain tumor. Thoughts racing wildly - and my family talking confidently over them that everything would be okay, just make sure. We left our Easter celebration with the resolve to take action. "I am the resurrection and the life." I heard it again, and again, and again - over the sound of the laughter in the back seat of the car - over the words in my memory...

"God will not let anything bad happen to you guys"

I remembered that false statement and once again was in the front seat of my friend's car driving to reach the end of my What If journey. I went to bed that night in that seat. My eyes filled with tears, the sound of my heart pounding out the truth of God that fills it now and didn't then - "Fear not for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, I am Kaden's God."

Waiting.

The 8'oclock hour could not come soon enough. I called and made Kaden's appointment, and the MRI was scheduled after seeing the pediatrician. Our family history - not the headaches in and of themselves - call for caution. March 7, 2010 at 11:00 Kaden would have the MRI so we could alleviate the possibility of a brain tumor.

Waiting.

God infuse me with faith! I want the faith of Rahab. I am doing a study at church called Women of the Bible with seven amazing women. Each woman of the Bible brings to our study time her own adventure with God, and each one brings her enthusiasm to know Him more. Yes, I speak of the ancient women on the written page of The Word - and of the women I get to know, and love, and grow with during this study time. Such a gift to my life! One lesson simply will not let me go. "Did I not tell you that if you believe you would see the glory of God?" Jesus words to Martha at the tomb of Lazarus. Martha had no idea what Jesus meant when he said he was the resurrection and the life. She knew, but she didn't really know. He refined her faith in him that day. Another woman who has impacted my heart recently is Rahab. She believed in God - simply by hearing of what He had done - and her great faith saved her and her family from destruction. Did her family members think she was crazy when she made them come and stay in her home while the army of Israel marched around their city? Did they scorn her and ridicule her for her unfaithfulness to Jericho, for her ludicrus actions? And when the walls fell and they walked out over the rubble - Did she turn to them and say, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"

Why when circumstances press in on me am I afraid to believe in the power of God? Or is it that I am not afraid to believe in God's power - but actually I am afraid that I am believing in the wrong god once again?

Have I been trusting in the god of prosperity? Because if I am believing in the God who is the Resurrection and the Life - there is no need to fear what comes my way on the other side of What If.

Waiting.

Prayer is a miraculous weapon in the battle against principalities and powers. I enlisted the prayers of the godly women in my life - and they prayed! and they prayed hard! They are probably still praying! I asked for courage for my son and peace for him in that MRI machine that would cradle his body for 45 minutes. I asked for peace and courage for myself so that he could look in my eyes and see faith in a God who said HE would never leave us nor forsake us. I asked for the glory of God to come through this experience, and I asked if it would be God's will that He would give Kaden a healthy brain - evident in this MRI.

Waiting.

Kaden has not once demonstrated any fear - not once. We walked into that room that held the largest machine he had ever laid eyes on and he smiled the biggest smile. He knew he was going to be a part of something larger than his life! The kindest nurse walked him through how it would work and where he would lay. He hopped right up and was ready and willing to get started. You bet I thought of Isaac on the altar. For the glory of God - Isaac did not run. For the glory of God - neither did Kaden. I stood at his feet holding to them tightly and worshipping our Creator, our Savior, and our healer - who for His amazing purposes was letting us have this time with Him in His arms. No tears fell from my eyes - not one. I was steadfast and immovable in my faith. I felt the power of prayer - and I watched it overwhelm and still my child in total peace while the loud clammor of that machine pounded around his head. He was as gentle and as quiet as a lamb. "Fear thou not for I am with you. He anoints my head with oil. He rejoices over you with singing. I will call upon the Lord. I lift up my eyes to the mountain. My help comes from the Lord." Scripture after scripture flooded my heart and I prayed each one over that little boy whose eyes were closed from time to time as he thought of adventures yet to come: of Disney World, playing baseball, his friends at school, his birthday party for July, and swimming with sharks one day in heaven.

Every prayer we prayed for that MRI day was answered. Grateful, grateful, grateful for people who love us enough to endure with us through prayer. Beautiful are the prayers of my family and friends! What could be more precious than their own faith demonstrated on our behalf in prayer?

Waiting.

It's after 9 a.m. on April 8th, and I have not yet heard from the pediatrician. I am alone in the house, and I am waiting for the call. Today is a new day. What was old is passed away, and what is eternal of God lives in me. I have huge peace. That alone to me is amazing. Put in a place of vulnerability - (which truly is every heart beat - but I am a fool who often has misappropriated faith )- I wring my hands and cry. However on this flight - my dispossition is not my own - it is of God. I have peace even though we are seemingly in distress. Our seat belts are secure. Our pilot is in control. I am trusting, and I am rejoicing, and I am grateful for the refining of my faith.

I will let you know the fullness of this glory filled journey when we have landed. Thank you for believing with me in the glory of God.

Waiting.