when you wish upon a star. stupid star.

Have you been to Cinderella's castle? It's quite spectacular at a distance. Maybe you've never actually stood before it - looking up at all it's magnificence - but maybe you've been to it in your mind. It actually - is much better there, really. I'm not trying to be a party pooper, But it's true.Nothing - no reality - can compare to what we have made of that castle in our mind.

I remember the first time I saw Cinderella's majestic, fairy tale home. I was eight. Remember the world at eight?  I could not wait to get to see inside of it with my own eyes and wander through its rooms and hallways and dungeons and towers. I wanted to see her bed, her kitchen, and fireplace. I had pictured it all a thousand times, and so the thought of seeing it for real made my heart race.

We climbed up the bride hill - that overlooks water - you know the one? And then stood in the golden painted archway with so many other people - who snapped pictures and talked loudly. What were they doing there? This was my moment! Not expected...right?

"Can we go in?" I asked.
"No - you don't GO in," my mother replied. She had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Why? Why can't we go in? And why are you crying?"
"It's a restaurant in there. You have to have reservations to go in there." She wiped her tears from her cheeks. My father was taking her picture. She finished answering me. "It's Cinderella's castle. I have always wanted to be in Cinderella's castle. That's why I'm crying."

Yeah. I wanted to cry, too! THIS was it!?! And what was the deal with the reservations? Why couldn't we have reservations? I didn't ask anymore questions. I was sorely disappointed, and my mom seemed to be somewhere else in tears and a far-away look toward the paintings and bricks that had now really ticked me off.

THAT WAS IT!?!

How many times is the idea of something better to you than the reality? For instance - how 'bout motherhood? Are you laughing or gasping that I would even say such a thing? Laura Lewis! Don't you love being a mother? Of course I do! I love life with my God-given babes!!! But - BUT- BUT!!! THIS - is not how I imagined it. At all! Especially when they were newborns. Remember that? Or maybe you're in it...Praying for you, new Mama. Praying for you!!! Cuz..who tells you you're going to be up at 2 a.m. feeding a baby for months on end? NO ONE! Who tells you that they cry and you can't figure it out? ummm... NO ONE!  Who tells you that they will have sickness - and pain - and needs beyond your touch or ability to repair them? Aren't moms supposed to be able to fix everything? Yeah. No. Who prepares you for the heartache of  their blatant "NO"? Right in your face - "NO"...I guess that's more the toddler days - but still! No one tells you that tiny thing you could step on is going to rip your heart out and challenge you like nothing else in this world!  AND THEN!  who tells you that you can become this vile, nasty person that you have never seen or heard or realized in alllll your ever livin' days on this earth! AND you saw Mommy Dearest, right? Who told you that could be YOU?  Did ANYONE ever tell you that you would look in the mirror and ask - WHO AM I? ... Who is this person I am becoming in the midst of motherhood, because you have no idea. Yeah - no one.

I remember one friend - ONE - who said to me in my 9th month of pregnancy - while she held her 9 month old on her hip..."Keep that baby inside of you." But she didn't tell me why. And you know what - I was afraid to ask.

I guess - to everyone's defense - the truth is - HOW can anyone prepare you to come to grips with your own fantasy crashing around at  your feet. It's not going to be what you think it is - and no one else knows just REALLY what you have imagined THAT  picture to be... EXCEPT - our God. He knows our thoughts - He alone searches the heart - and He alone is the one who will speak love, and truth, and grace - into the reality that is our life. Jeremiah 17:10, "I alone search the heart and examine the mind to give everyman according to his ways, And according to the fruit of his doings." I do not see this truth of God in a negative light - anymore that is...As I learn the love that is our God...I see a Father - who knows what lessons He must bring to His child to shape a life - a heart - that is a reflection of His own image. Romans 8:27-28 makes that even more clear as I ponder it this morning... Hoping in God - who is our life - is where we will find an image to embrace and walk into.

"Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mid of the Spirit is, because He makes intersession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Are you standing under the archway of Cinderella's castle? With tears streaming down your face - are you realizing, "THIS IS NOT WHAT I HOPED FOR." Does it feel like you have been sold a lie for what should have been a dream come true?

What are you going to do with those tears streaming down your face? Are you going to wipe them away and shove that pain deep down in your heart, so that you can chalk this up to another disappointment - another reason someone else has a better deal than you do... STOP IT! Stop right now...and I'm saying this in love - YOU ARE IN THE MIDST OF A POWERFUL LESSON. One that you best not ignore. How do I know? I'm with you!!! I'm standing right there with you! See me? Hey - how ya doin'? Here's a Kleenex. WE MUST pay close attention to our tears, and go to God's Word with them. That is the best cure for that heartache. We have incorrectly placed our hope in something that is not reality. Misappropriated HOPE is the reason for those tears - and we affect others with our sorrow... ( you know that little one lookin' at you saying, "Why are you crying, Mommy?")  LOVE for them makes a choice to fully examine our broken thinking - and seek God, our Daddy, to make it right. In the archway of Cinderella's castle - whatever that is for you - our God is standing - waiting for us to go to HIM - His Word - that is timeless - and exact - and healing - and precisely what He knew we would need to embrace our broken dream - and HIM - in the reality that is our day - today.

Remember that verse? I just shared it up a few paragraphs...IT ALLLL works together for our good. We don't have to be afraid that the dream just shattered. The dream cannot compare to what is going to be...because YES! GOD is just that good.

So stop reading this stupid blog - and go get your Bible...Read Psalm 27:14, Isaiah 40:28-29, Isaiah 41:10, Isaiah 25:4, James 1:3-4, and Hebrews 10:35-36...

Take hold of the TRUTH of God...and move into today knowing full well - your dream that you have cherished and protected and lived for - was not for nothing. It wasn't. Don't get all poo-poo about the fact you had this dream and it just popped!  This dream of yours - that God knew you had - it ...-LISTEN...and don't just listen - examine it - see if I'm right - IT was for a powerful lesson of LIFE - that GOD has been patiently waiting to show you - from the time your dreaming heart began to beat.

LOVE this Jesus life with you! Love it! Wish you'd tell me what you're learning, too. I always look to hear from you. LOVE!