teaching my child about sex.

I am always hungry to learn.LOTS to learn in this life of which I have NO CLUE! Right? Ya with me in that?  My daily prayer: "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from your law." I walked in ignorance for too long to trust my own way of thinking.

However - we can't have our eyes opened to God's law, or in other words, His precepts, - unless we are reading it, right? So, I look forward to time reading, studying, learning - realizing what God would have me learn for today...and possibly what may be comin' round the corner.

Last summer I had the amazing privilege of teaching my daughter about sex. What a moment for us together with our God. She was wide eyed, inquisitive, soft hearted, and so amazed. (I used Before I Was Born, by Carolyn Nystrom. Great book for teaching the miracle of life!) This was a beautiful  moment for me to see understanding come to my daughter's eyes, as I had hoped no one else had reached her mind and heart before God's design for sex could make a first impression. My hand in hers - my eyes to hers - our hearts together - we pressed into the truth and miracle of how life begins and God's design for sex in marriage.

I knew this "talk" was not going to be entirely easy or lovely for me, since I did not adhere to this design in my own life.  (I told a little bit of my story to our college group - Vintage - at our church). If she would ask did I wait for marriage to have sex - I knew I would not lie to her - but tell her my story of living a part from God's Word. And ask she did. I was amazed that as she listened to me tell of how I chose my own way - and hurt other people - and lived almost like two different people with my friends who loved God - and with my friends who did not - that her eyes welled up with tears. And then I told her how I had been married before her dad, and chose myself over God so that I could have this other man. She began to sob.

"Why are you crying, baby?" I asked her.

"I just never thought you would do THAT."

I hugged her and cried with her.

And then she said, "I know this isn't right - but somehow I feel I have a dad out there."

Now this - THIS - to my amazement! God had prepared me for this moment - this statement - this thought seizing her mind... I knew that I knew, that I knew, in my gut - before I even told her I had been married before - I JUST KNEW that she would feel connected to him because she was connected to me. That I would think this and plan for this is all the help of the Spirit of God! Because I was ready for what came next.

I took her little hand in mine...that God shaped exactly like my mother-in-laws...and I said..."WHOSE hand do you see in your own?"

She said, "Nana's," as she sniffled and wiped away her tears.

I told her, "YOUR hand is shaped exactly like Daddy's mommy. There is no way you came from anyone but Daddy. You are his child and mine, and God shaped you like Nana so you would always know it."

What a Masterful, LOVING GOD who knows my baby's heart - and shapes her for His purposes. This was grace to her - and it was grace to me. Because I did not think to protect my future children from my sin. I was only ever absorbed in me. God thought of her. He protected her. He knew one day I would have a little girl who would ache over what I had chosen to do and wonder how she was connected to what I had done.

God drew her to Himself that day. I pray He opened her eyes to more than the creation of her life in me, and to more than the truth that He is One who shaped her hands  ... I PRAY that He opened her eyes to His WORD to show her a WAY to follow that is good, and right, and beautiful.

Teaching our daughters and sons about sex - or any truth of God's Word, should not exclude our own lessons. I guess I am writing more specifically to moms and dads who did follow God, His design for sex, and are ashamed or afraid to share that with their children.

It is good for our children to know that God's Word has changed our hearts and minds. We were SAVED from something, right? Some times I think they wonder - from what? I am not that woman any more...I tell my children who I used to be apart from God - what God saved me from in my past - what He keeps me from today - so they can see with their own eyes that I am WITH THEM in the learning and striving.  I fight against what I could be apart from God so that I can realize the JOY of living with GOD. We do not learn independently in this family. I am not above them in understanding truth; they can learn and understand as I do, right? Biblical principles and the vocabulary to explain them are coming into my children's grasp at ages 8 and 11. The only difference as they age with me, is the years we have in experience. I want them to have more experiences of choosing God than not. And I want them to see that I want those brave choices for God, too - and that I fight for them hard as they do...

But let's say you're reading this- and you have chosen to live for God from the time you were a child - your story of God's grace in your life should be told just the same. You are still a sinner, right? You have struggled with your flesh just like anyone else.We need to tell our children of those flesh and spirit lessons - so they get that living for God is not magic that happens in us. We've been given His Spirit and living by His Spirit is always ,a choice. We always have free will, right?... Glory to God when we choose Him - and Glory to God when we can show our children the consequences of what not choosing Him looks like in our life as well.

I refuse to be prideful and fake about my fight to live for God...not with you - not with my babes...not with anyone. It is all Him. ALL. ALL. ALL! And I am soooo grateful for the people in my life who love me! and are  so real  with me about their fight to live for God as well. BE THAT for each other! FOR LIFE!

I know my lessons about sex - and following God's Way and His Word in everything - are far from over with my girl... But I was thinking this morning as I was putting away a cake we had made for Memorial weekend - that didn't get eaten entirely...how she has yet to realize what the temptation for sex will be like for her one day. Right? I mean she's 11 - not dating - not even revved as far as hormones go... SO - that being said, I thought about this cake...

One day I will tell her: - "I want to teach you something about sex. And I need you to trust me. I have invited a bunch of your friends over, and you are going to be the only one who knows what I am teaching about sex. They won't know. But you have to trust me, and learn this with me - and enjoy your friends in the midst of this lesson."

For this lesson, the friends will come - and together, each of them will get to make their own cake. We will mix and bake these little cakes together. Kamryn will be given the instructions not to lick or taste anything...no matter what her friends are doing, I will tell her before hand, privately, that her instruction is not to lick or taste anything. There will be all kinds of frosting, candies, sprinkles galore! But I am going to tell my girly-girl, for this lesson - for this time - she is not to eat a thing for this cake making party.

Next - when the cakes were ready to eat - her friends can enjoy the cake they had made - but I will privately give Kamryn the instruction not to eat her cake. This will probably kill her. If you know my sweet lovin' girl - you know! She'll be dying! Just think when you make frosting! Right? How can we not lick the bowl??? let alone try a piece of the cake? She will have to tell her friends, if they ask, that she was not going to eat hers - but save it. And maybe some of them will choose to do the same - maybe they would indulge and tell her what she was missing out on...No matter what - I will be firm that she can not have it. Now - I'm not going to be totally mean! I will  have lots of other DELICIOUS treats for them to enjoy. It's just the cake that she will not be able to enjoy. 

Later, I will explain to my daughter - this is what it will be like for her with sex. Her friends may be having sex, telling her how great it is, but God has given her the instruction not to. He has said to wait. The savoring of her own cake - that is to be God's timing.

Then - I am going to take her on an overnight weekend - JUST SHE AND I ...and we are going to eat that cake! together! And I will give her - in a tiny, beautifully wrapped box - a treasure that is hers to wear and remember waiting is worth it.

 The verse attached to this ring will read, "Men have not perceived by the ear, nor has teh eye seen any God besides you, Who acts for the one who waits for Him."  Isaiah 64:4

On her wedding day, if she chooses to marry, she can give this purity ring to her husband ... AND OHHHH how I pray she thinks of this lesson with me and our God as she enjoys her wedding day cake - smashed in her face or not - ...BUT even if she doesn't think of it -  you gotta know - her mama will. TEARS!

Oh God draw our children to yourself...and please don't let us miss it - however you may use us! our good - our bad - ALL YOURS! Your lessons are  your love in our life!

TO God be the glory for HIS TRUTH THAT LASTS!

Psalm 119:33-40

Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statues, and I shall keep it to the end. 

Give me understanding, and I shall keep your law.

Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of YOUR commandmens, for I delight in it.

Incline my heart to YOUR TESTIMONIES, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in your way. 

Establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you. 

TURN AWAY my reproach which I dread, for your judgments are good. 

Behold, I LONG for your precepts; revive me in your righteousness.

and God bless my husband.

Jabez. Cool sounding name, huh? I like it...however the meaning is a little harsh. Jabez, is a Biblical character recorded in I Chronicles. His mother had a hard time giving birth to him and named him Jabez out of that pain and anguish. Like what mother doesn't have pain in childbirth - to some degree anyway - right? Jabez must have been a whopper of a struggle. 

Jabez prayed to God - hard! The Bible says, "Jabez cried out to the God of Israel.." There's some effort in that prayer, right? He's crying out to God and he says, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm (evil) so that I will be free from pain"

He did not want the meaning of his name to reflect his life. Jabez did not want to cause pain as he had in his birth. Oh I love his heart! I can just see his face the day he realized what his name meant - and understood how a name in that culture reflected who you were. Hard name to bear. BUT! Jabez knew WHO would determine the course of his life - despite his name. He knew WHO could illuminate evil in his path for his sake - and for the sake of those he loved. I LOVE THIS HEART! He's begging, "GOD! Please do not let me be what I am capable of!" Right?

Ouch. I get that. I get that to the point where I feel a pinch in my heart for the destruction I have caused in my path - and for what I know I am still - STILL - yep...even right now STILL!!! capable of destroying...even with one small strike of a letter on a keyboard...

So, I get very excited when I read the last part of this passage. Check out the happy ending of the Jabez story in verse 10. 

"AND GOD granted his request." 

WHAT ON EARTH!?!?! 

How amazing to me! That God heard the heart cry of Jabez, and not only turned his ear to him, but gave him what he cried for. 

Jabez!!!! Get out! If I could hug you! Oh I so would!

Did he know it then? Or did he just have to hold out hope and trust that God would grant what he begged for? Because Jabez didn't write the book of Chronicles, right. Hold on... Who did? Got it! Ezra or possibly Nehemiah wrote the book of Chronicles. So the life of Jabez, as member of the tribe of Judah (our Savior's physical ancestry -  you know..., Jesus - Lion of Judah) - the life of Jabez was watched and recorded so that WE would know his story, his request to God - and that God answered this request. 

I'm thinkin' Jabez had to just actively trust and watch his life unfold in the hand of God.

What does that have to do with us? 

Well - we can pray that prayer! There is a book written by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson: The Prayer of Jabez. He writes how this prayer can change our lives. Now - I'm not all about praying some mantra and "BAM!" we get it. I am all for praying and meditating on God's Word. I believe God answers prayer. I believe as His children we are desperate for Him to change our circumstances, and I believe as we read His Word and wrap the truth of it around our lives, we can't help but beg Him to accomplish HIS WORD in us - and through us. 

So - whether it is the prayer of Jabez that we read and are led to pray, and focus (MEDITATE) on, and act on in faith,  - IT is good, and it is powerful, and God will accomplish it. Or whether it is another passage that we are led to pray, and meditate on, and also act on in faith - it is good, and powerful, and I believe God will accomplish it.

I was led to pray the prayer of Jabez for a year. I do not have a story of great territories being gained or  treasures acquired - at least of this world. I can tell you this, I learned a great deal about the pain I am capable of causing, and that God - BY HIS SPIRIT in ME - has kept me from evil.  And THAT right there - if you know me at all - is amazing. amazing. amazing. My sin potential is huge, and my Father in Heaven alerted me to it time and again in the most gracious, loving, strong, and protective way - time and time again. And in the midst of that training, He strengthened my defenses - and grew my love for His Word. 

One example and I will let you go - is that okay? I'll be brief!... I was praying this prayer - that Jabez prayed - in the quiet of my family room one morning. And being very still as I prayed it...slowly - thoughtfully - letting God work through each sentence with me. I thought to myself as I talked with God..."But I don't want to pray this just for me, Lord. I want to pray this for my husband, too. So - God bless my husband. Oh that you would bless Him indeed!" I cried out to God.

I sat there for a moment, letting that prayer wash over me - and thinking about what that would look like. In the stillness God made me realize this" "I have blessed your husband. Do not rob from Him what I have already given." 

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? come again on that thought. You have blessed my husband and I - ME? seriously? ME??? - I have robbed from him? Silence. NO WAY. Erase this thought. CAN'T BE TRUE!

I sat in silence and then tears began to flow as I realized how I am intended to be a blessing to my husband from God - to be his help mate.  I can rob him of God's blessing in me - constantly... with my words, my attitude, my moods, day after day of effortless, complacent love. 

NO. Please! NO! I saw this ugly truth so clearly, and as much as I wanted to look away I couldn't. This moment was a mirror that did not move from my eyes. I only saw more and deeper into it. 

God has blessed my husband in his work. How do I rob from him? Do I consider every penny of his toil and efforts, or do I TAKE what is from GOD into my own hands and spend it without thought? without careful consideration that this money is God's blessing on his work - and it is not mine alone to claim, feel entitled to, or be careless with no matter what I think I need or deserve. Tears. Just cleansing tears as I looked at the robbery that I have been guilty of.  

What a moment with my Heavenly Father! What a moment with my husband's Heavenly Father!

I am grateful God does not leave us in our guilt. Ever. AND .... He does not bring us to a place of realizing guilt without our first seeking Him. It wasn't like he dragged me like a puppy to my puddle and said, "WHAT DID YOU DO, Laura Lewis? What did you do?" God is not LIKE THAT. 

He is love and grace that wraps around us in the learning, and He knows our heart, and the power of His truth is all that is needed in a lesson. No angry face. No harsh words. I was being corrected, lovingly.

I needed this moment of guilt with my God, so that He could make me more aware of the grace and love He has shown me and longed for me to see in every moment that I acted so thoughtlessly toward my husband. I have robbed my husband. I am so sorry. God has patiently waited for me to realize that my husband is blessed - what am I going to do with this blessing from our God???

I prayed: "Let your hand be with me, and keep me from evil so that I will be free from pain."

I thought about this in a new way. Love protects. God will protect me from evil, so that I will protect my husband from the evil I am so capable of.

With my Bible still open in my lap, I looked to the last part of the verse

"And God granted his request."

God bless our husbands.