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A four letter word, that I often say - and do - but NEVER, EVER fully understand.
From one book study on prayer to one Bible study on prayer - and back again to my thoughts of confusion. I hear lots of amazing insights, that's for sure, but WHAT is insight on a page if I don't grip the TRUTH from where it came with my own hands? JUST GOOD WORDS can sometimes make me sick. My life BEGS the ACTION of TRUTH. EFFECTIVE PRAYER. GIVE ME THAT!!! EFFECTIVE prayer being the pivot point on which I twirl round and round in the arms of my GOD. What is effective to me - may not be so effective to my Teacher. I do not think He scores our prayers the way we do.
Asked for forgiveness first : THAT's gotta be a 5.7
Gave a long shout out of praise and hands were raised - no one even around to see such a display of adoration! : TOTALLY a 6!
Asked for the poor and did not even mention myself - moved to tears: That's a strong 8
And how 'bout that prayer for self-control??? : Definitely a 7.5 compared to my old prayers for a pool.
Prayers for healing - a little weak because I didn't use a Bible verse: 4 (grab verse and example of healing)
And then there's that constant prayer for clear skin: weak. only a 1 (stop doing that!)
Prayers for Buffalo on my knees - ding! ding! 9.5! (must be completely prostrate next time)
And lastly - a prayer that's answered by getting what I asked for! exactly what I prayed...: - THAT there, people, a 10!
WHAT ON EARTH!?!?!
I know Jesus taught us how to pray. I have read commentaries on that, too - and heard some pretty rockin' messages that revealed amazing truth about the name of our God WHO is THE WHAT of our prayers.
But really I still don't get it.
I love to hear people pray. You hear a relationship when people pray. Ya know? You can hear either great longing, great distance, great love, great respect, great resolve, great intimacy - or... you can hear a heart that's just bare naked in the arms of the Father. I LOVE to hear people pray!!! I think, actually - that is when I learn the most about prayer.
Our prayers reveal a heart that longs for God.
My brother is in the military, and he is waiting orders to either take a position in an office, or take one "down range". He has been to war. Too many times, too many prayers to list. Psalm 91 is stained with tears for his life and the dates of his tours. And so now, I consider again what may be my painful prayer in 2012.
Do you have those, too? Prayers that turn your gut as you speak them? Prayers that you mouth without really knowing what you're saying because you are in such agony at the thought that THIS is what you HAVE to pray - These ugly words YOU hear yourself narrating is the life you have to live! I hate that realization! I can't believe what I have had to pray! Sometimes I think that's why I can't pray. I need someone else to call it out...ya know? Painful to hear myself acknowledge that is this MY life right now. I get stuck there in my tears until I realize that is a lame place. And sometimes it is the prayers of my friends - those who call to pray with me right over the phone that lift me up...(call your friends to pray with them! it's not weird!) I can petition! I can ask! I have to ASK! and then it's like sometimes you don't know what to pray because you just want the power of GOD to take it away -. RIGHT? GOD!!!! Make it GOOD!!!! You are the only one who can make it GOOD!
I have that knot right now. I hate the prayer for my brother's life in the midst of war - more than any prayer I pray. I do not want to pray that prayer again. Not ever.
I'm asking for a miracle, I guess. My brother calls it a Tim Tebow. We need a 316 yard pass with my brother's name on it, to secure the win - and the receiver is General who only has to put it in a D.C. end zone. You might think I'm praying wrong. I've been told that already. But - as I read through story after story of God's relationship to man - I will line up with those who don't deserve it, but ask God for His help anyway. Like the Canaanite woman who begged for mercy and told Jesus that even the dogs eat the crumbs from the Master's table; I love her guts!!!...She didn't ask Him to help her be okay with her demon possessed child - for Him to give her a right heart to handle this situation. She asked for MERCY!!!...(Matt 15).
Soooo...here I am on this snowy day. I am crying out to my God. I may have limited knowledge or understanding of the theology of prayer - and even if I did know, I'm sure my expression of it would be broken anyway! Right? This is me we're talking about...Me. A forty-one year old Buffalo girl trying to figure out what it means to live for God. So, with what I have been given - with what has been taken away, with all I am, and all I am not - I will ask God to bless my brother by sending him to D.C to live out these next two years alongside his wife and kids....and I will continue to beg Him for this - until I must beg otherwise. Right now - I'm BOLDLY asking for MERCY.
This is my God. This is your God, my friend. He loves me. He loves you. He hears me. He hears you. He sits with me in tears. He sits with you in tears. He knows. I have nowhere else to go in my longing - and no one else to go to so that I can learn what I can or cannot have. I only trust God. You have nowhere else to go in your longing - and no one else to teach you what you can or cannot have. Trust God. I understand full well that He can say no. I understand full well that horrible sting. But I know the joy of yes, too...and so - I will wait with thanksgiving for what He has taught me in both answers. Does that just blow your mind or what? That you and I refuse to walk away from God no matter what He says - that is ONE miracle we can rejoice in!!! Are you there with me? Come on now! Hands up! Hallelujah moment! (That's a 10 if no one is looking at you!!! lol!) WE will not be moved by circumstances!!!! NOT EVER! GOD IS!!!
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
That's not about results. That's about relationship. We will not be moved!
I am waiting on GOD, and OHHH HOW waiting on HIM always - always - always is our good. What amazing grace to realize such peace today - 1/13/12.
"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." Psalm 116:1-2
Friday, January 13, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
more.
One word can change not only our understanding of what is written on a page - but one word can change the perception of our heart. One. Single. Word.
Be it:
Law.
Yes.
No.
Stop.
Forbidden.
Command.
Freedom.
Sacrifice.
Self.
Love.
One Word.
What I consider most carefully as I type, is that what you in fact read with eye, and mind, and heart. How you perceive the written word is a package deal. These words mingle with all of who you are, and I cannot control the outcome. My intentions are good, I promise, at least as good as I can so approach that Glittering Gem. I am limited; I know you realize that. But I wish you well. As yodeler of sorts or harbinger of truth, if you will, I wish to sing of lovely images - of strong truths - that inspire - that motivate - that refresh, God willing. His Word does not return void - and so His Word is at the core of every message you will find above or beneath my name.
I don't begin to suggest that I have it right. What I have - is I have it HUNGRY!!! I am a sojourner of 41 years - and only 13 of those years have been a determined walk in living the teaching of Jesus Christ. So if you are looking for wisdom of great worth - I welcome you to walk with me blog by bog - because I'm searching for it, digging for it, longing for it, too.
I want more of Jesus. I want more love. I want more joy. I want more truth. I want more hope. I want more patience. I want more awe. Yes! I want more of God. That is my passion! MORE of what we were created for. I hope MORE than anything you read and salivate on TRUTH that God leads us to realize together - THAT YOU and I - we were made for MORE than what we see in the cup that we hold. In the cup that we drink. So much more.
And if that is so...then would we be so willing to dump what we hold dear - to ask - to reach - for what God is pouring.
I read this today...and it will not let me go.
"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But - if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love.
You see what happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue Love.
The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith.
Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward, and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.
We half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased."
C.S. Lewis
Are you with me? There is far more. I've dumped out what was old in the old cup, and I am holding up a cup that is empty - and asking God to fill it, without even knowing what that will look like. He knows the more I am thirsting for. How ignorant I am in my thirsting - often so blindly grabbing at what is but a shadow of Him, and then settling for it... Instead of waiting - for the fullness of all He is.
How grateful I am for the promise that IF we
delight ourselves
in the LORD
HE
will give
us
the desire
of our heart.
What we long for - is more
of God.
I will wait for Him to fill this cup, and not fear what that will look like. even. if. the cup - to me - appears empty. day after day.
He is so good. Praying we realize that MORE today.
Be it:
Law.
Yes.
No.
Stop.
Forbidden.
Command.
Freedom.
Sacrifice.
Self.
Love.
One Word.
What I consider most carefully as I type, is that what you in fact read with eye, and mind, and heart. How you perceive the written word is a package deal. These words mingle with all of who you are, and I cannot control the outcome. My intentions are good, I promise, at least as good as I can so approach that Glittering Gem. I am limited; I know you realize that. But I wish you well. As yodeler of sorts or harbinger of truth, if you will, I wish to sing of lovely images - of strong truths - that inspire - that motivate - that refresh, God willing. His Word does not return void - and so His Word is at the core of every message you will find above or beneath my name.
I don't begin to suggest that I have it right. What I have - is I have it HUNGRY!!! I am a sojourner of 41 years - and only 13 of those years have been a determined walk in living the teaching of Jesus Christ. So if you are looking for wisdom of great worth - I welcome you to walk with me blog by bog - because I'm searching for it, digging for it, longing for it, too.
I want more of Jesus. I want more love. I want more joy. I want more truth. I want more hope. I want more patience. I want more awe. Yes! I want more of God. That is my passion! MORE of what we were created for. I hope MORE than anything you read and salivate on TRUTH that God leads us to realize together - THAT YOU and I - we were made for MORE than what we see in the cup that we hold. In the cup that we drink. So much more.
And if that is so...then would we be so willing to dump what we hold dear - to ask - to reach - for what God is pouring.
I read this today...and it will not let me go.
"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But - if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love.
You see what happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue Love.
The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith.
Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward, and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.
We half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased."
C.S. Lewis
Are you with me? There is far more. I've dumped out what was old in the old cup, and I am holding up a cup that is empty - and asking God to fill it, without even knowing what that will look like. He knows the more I am thirsting for. How ignorant I am in my thirsting - often so blindly grabbing at what is but a shadow of Him, and then settling for it... Instead of waiting - for the fullness of all He is.
How grateful I am for the promise that IF we
delight ourselves
in the LORD
HE
will give
us
the desire
of our heart.
What we long for - is more
of God.
I will wait for Him to fill this cup, and not fear what that will look like. even. if. the cup - to me - appears empty. day after day.
He is so good. Praying we realize that MORE today.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Beginning of the New Year
"I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptations. It is not serious, provided self-offended petulance, annoyance at breaking records, impatience, etc. don't get the upper hand. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out, and the clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one's temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of His presence." C.S. Lewis
Every year my father would record our New Year's resolutions...well, that is when we were old enough to realize what a resolution was - and of course when camcorders were invented. I loved it. I loved it because I got to think about being new, about what that should look like. And I loved to hear my parents and my brothers express how they wanted to be new as well. We all wanted the same thing - to start over and do better, even though our personal goals, whether seemingly trivial or seemingly grand - were very, very different.
The ironic thing about a resolution - at least it is ironic to me - is that I cannot grow or change - without having been impressed to do so in the place where I have been. My New Year resolution for good change - is only realized because I have been there in that"place". Do you berate yourself like I do for having been there in the first place? I know, right? Why do we do that? Why do we expect that we should learn, move forward, or grow without bruises - setbacks - dirty knees... without error? What lesson is not riddled with mistakes? And who does not need to grow?
I can still hear my dad in our New Year's video blog, "This body before you will change." He often resolved to exercise and lose weight, and I love that even the day before he died he was still trying. We went for a long walk that May 28th evening, and my mom and I watched him run ahead of us what we called "the hill". We were ro0ting for him all the way - until he made it home. How sweet that memory to my soul when I consider "the hill" that is before me, the people in my life who hope, - who hoot, and holler for me to overcome, and the purpose of the victory.
Are you there? Are you at the base of a hill, too? Have you set out in your heart and mind what you want to do? to change? to pursue? to overcome? Have you made this resolution before? And now you hear yourself make it - yet again... GOOD FOR YOU!!! Fight for it! With all the awareness of what works, what doesn't, what triggers your set backs, what assures your advance...Go for it!
Is this a new resolution you're making this year? Sweetness! I'm with you...We're not going to let fear defeat us. Right? Crawling on hands and knees or running that hill - we're going to give it all we've got!
Uh oh - got a tune runnin' through my head. This is not good for you! I'm singin'...can you hear me??? "Climb every mountain! Ford every stream! Follow every rainbow, til you find your dream." Watch it when you get a chance. You'll get all fired up and flibbertijibbet with Maria.
I MUST - express deep, deep gratitude to our TEACHER who takes us daily by the hand - if we let Him - and leads us - on ahead - with Light - through The Experience of where we are...to see. to realize. to put off. to heal. to put on. to grow. to shine. to go. What an amazing God! Were it not for His grace we would not see; were it not for His Wisdom we would not learn; were it not for His patience we would not try; and were it not for His love, we would continue to misappropriate longing.
C.S. Lewis wrote, "Humanity does not pass through phases as a train passes through stations: being alive, it has the privilege of always moving yet never leaving anything behind. Whatever we have been, in some sort we are still." - The Allegory of Love
We only have to examine our passions in this life to remember who we were, who we still are - and with God given strength - embrace with humility and gratitude the gift of a new day in 2012 to learn of Him, by Him, for Him.
"He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6
Happy New Year!
Every year my father would record our New Year's resolutions...well, that is when we were old enough to realize what a resolution was - and of course when camcorders were invented. I loved it. I loved it because I got to think about being new, about what that should look like. And I loved to hear my parents and my brothers express how they wanted to be new as well. We all wanted the same thing - to start over and do better, even though our personal goals, whether seemingly trivial or seemingly grand - were very, very different.
The ironic thing about a resolution - at least it is ironic to me - is that I cannot grow or change - without having been impressed to do so in the place where I have been. My New Year resolution for good change - is only realized because I have been there in that"place". Do you berate yourself like I do for having been there in the first place? I know, right? Why do we do that? Why do we expect that we should learn, move forward, or grow without bruises - setbacks - dirty knees... without error? What lesson is not riddled with mistakes? And who does not need to grow?
I can still hear my dad in our New Year's video blog, "This body before you will change." He often resolved to exercise and lose weight, and I love that even the day before he died he was still trying. We went for a long walk that May 28th evening, and my mom and I watched him run ahead of us what we called "the hill". We were ro0ting for him all the way - until he made it home. How sweet that memory to my soul when I consider "the hill" that is before me, the people in my life who hope, - who hoot, and holler for me to overcome, and the purpose of the victory.
Are you there? Are you at the base of a hill, too? Have you set out in your heart and mind what you want to do? to change? to pursue? to overcome? Have you made this resolution before? And now you hear yourself make it - yet again... GOOD FOR YOU!!! Fight for it! With all the awareness of what works, what doesn't, what triggers your set backs, what assures your advance...Go for it!
Is this a new resolution you're making this year? Sweetness! I'm with you...We're not going to let fear defeat us. Right? Crawling on hands and knees or running that hill - we're going to give it all we've got!
Uh oh - got a tune runnin' through my head. This is not good for you! I'm singin'...can you hear me??? "Climb every mountain! Ford every stream! Follow every rainbow, til you find your dream." Watch it when you get a chance. You'll get all fired up and flibbertijibbet with Maria.
I MUST - express deep, deep gratitude to our TEACHER who takes us daily by the hand - if we let Him - and leads us - on ahead - with Light - through The Experience of where we are...to see. to realize. to put off. to heal. to put on. to grow. to shine. to go. What an amazing God! Were it not for His grace we would not see; were it not for His Wisdom we would not learn; were it not for His patience we would not try; and were it not for His love, we would continue to misappropriate longing.
C.S. Lewis wrote, "Humanity does not pass through phases as a train passes through stations: being alive, it has the privilege of always moving yet never leaving anything behind. Whatever we have been, in some sort we are still." - The Allegory of Love
We only have to examine our passions in this life to remember who we were, who we still are - and with God given strength - embrace with humility and gratitude the gift of a new day in 2012 to learn of Him, by Him, for Him.
"He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6
Happy New Year!
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