say what???

I have said some purdy dumb things in my life, but the other day - I have to admit I said one that took the prize. I was talking to a friend about this blogging thing I do. And I realize, it's not a big deal - it's a lil' ol' blog where I ramble about what I'm learning in this life about our God - about believing Him - living HIM...and not a whole lot of people rilly wanna take the time to hear what I have to say - well, except for you, my friends - and well, Mama. Do you hear my self pity? Good - cuz that's where I'm going.

A friend of mine was commenting that she had read one entry (I love you, Robin Albion! and I'm sorry I'm an idiot! Thank you for loving me!) -As I was saying, she read an entry I had written - unbeknownst to me, until now - or rather then, as we were talkin'. "Cool," I thought... - but then - I felt little in that moment for some prideful reason. My blog is little. I have done nothing big, and that pathetic view was my focus, even though she was being very sweet about having read something that I had written that encouraged her. I hate my pride, but I love that God doesn't leave me there. I responded from that ugly place of feeling small on PLANET ME with this idiotic, oh-so-popular rant, "I do it for me." AND IMMEDIATELY, as soon as those words left my lips... it was like God shouted in my heart - "What did you JUST say?"

Of course I didn't answer Him then, but I think my cheeks flushed, cuz I knew He was listening and He was weighing in. I just went on chatting with my friend and tried not to pay attention to the constant echo that reverberated from my heart to my brain and back to my heart to my brain, heart-brain, heart-brain, ALL NIGHT. What did I say? What was wrong with that?

So as the echo continued from that day - FRIDAY - until now. I sat down with Jesus and asked Him to teach me about what I said and what He hears in my statement.

I hunkered down with my defense first - knowing I am wrong and about to be corrected. My complaint to Him: Lord, I am a small person. My influence small. My life small. My territory small. My audience small. My abilities small. I am so stinkin' small.

He waited. He knows when I have more to regurgitate.

My dreams were big. My hopes big. My focus wide. The people around me huge. The world spectacular. The planet gargantuan. The platform incredulous. And you, too, God. You, too. Everything around me, including everyone else I see - greater than I. SO I get a little embarrassed. That's all.

He was still silent.

Crickets.

SAY SOMETHING, GOD! SAY SOMETHING CUZ I'M DYING HERE. Correct this fool who is riddled with pride and stupidity. A lil' encouragement maybe? Is there a beat down coming? Land me somewhere.

Exhale. Nothing.

If I don't say, " I do this for me"...how can I protect my heart? If it's for me - and I fail - it doesn't really matter. Right? If it's for me, and no one's listening it doesn't really matter. If it's for me and no one ever shows up, I won't be hurt. Cuz it's just me. Is this so bad?

A Word. A powerful word comes to mind.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him". Colossians 3:17

What does that mean? I do live for you. Take me deeper. Help me get it.

Go to the chapter. That's the sense that I get. Great. I don't have time. Lord? IS this you? Cuz if this is me takin' myself on some goose chase through the word...Ugh. I'm loud, you know? So is this you?

Silence. I go to the chapter.

Colossians 3. It hits me hard just at the first seven words.
"Since, then, you have been raise with Christ." Tears. I died.I did, didn't I? Yes. I did. About 13 years ago. Me. AND now - I have resurrected myself, Lord, haven't I? I plumb climbed up out of the skin casket of my old ways, and I have clawed myself out of the dirt that covered up my gnarly ol' self - and just totally announced I'm BACK! with that attitude of - "I do this for me." Wow. How ugly is that thought, huh? I laugh. You are funny, Lord! Tears subsiding...

He goes on..."For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ - who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory."

Wow. I'm smaller than I even realized. I'm so small I can't even be seen. I hide behind you, Lord. I am hidden in you. And I resurrected myself in my thinking, "I do this for me."

We read on...and hash it out again at verse 15. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace."

Strong image to stomp on ME PLANET with, Lord. Peace of Christ. One body with many members, and I get to be in there somewhere - hidden with great peace.

Exhale. Only your Spirit in me would find this most pleasant, Lord. Apart from you - this would not make sense.

We read on. "And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach, and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs form the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts."

It's good to do life with one another. It's good, so good. The people I see and envy - are a glimpse of your glory. Your Body. Because of others who love you, live for you, serve you - as You Have Called Them to Their Place in the BODY - I can realize who is the one to focus on. People will seem huge to me and I will seem small - when I do not see the One Who is Our Life. And, Lord - they're people who need to be admonished like me - and encouraged like me...Right? Like who does not need to be corrected? Who is soooo good according to themselves, that they don't need to be encouraged??? Which one of us does not need the other? Somebody hug me quick! I have a Psalm I wanna sing to you to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"! Good thing my kids are at school! I'm fired up!!!

Last verse. "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through Him."

It could be no other way, Lord. You are in me. You will not let me live in my pride and stupidity. When I get to say or do anything in this Body of Believers that is YOU COVERING ME - because I am not an island - not even now as I type alone at home. They are with me. They influence me. Hold me accountable. Encourage. They are my family, and I will play my part to love them - and honor you - with the way I love them. No envy... it is all for you.

My pride. My stinkin' ugly ME planet pride (Thankful to my friend, Edie Gillis, for the "Me Planet" phrase the other day at Mom2Mom. God has used it!!!...shew yeah!). I protect myself with this "I do it for me" mentality out of pride. No matter what I do - it is for God. All of it. It's all His to use or not, and when I look at Him - I won't see me - anymore. anyway. big or small. I'm outta here!

C'mon. You're with me...right? (I promise - I won't sing that Psalm to "twinkle twinkle" - well, at least not too loudly.)

Peace!

Something I Wrote Just For You!

I wrote this poem to my dad when I was away at Liberty University for my first tumultuous year of college. It is dated 9-15-88. I remember I mailed it to him, and he called me when he received it. He told me he liked it very much and that he would always keep it. Not much more was said about it then - or ever. I guess I had hoped for a profound moment between us, but could not figure out how to contrive that moment apart from my poem that was - to me - an outstretched hand.My dad was a man of few words. He lived his sentiments, and welcomed all of us into the warmth of the moments he gave us wordlessly.

I found the poem neatly folded in his wallet the day he died. Profound moment given and deeply received.

Here is what I wrote:

Daddy,
Tell me that you love me, no matter what I do,
Tell me that you'll be there when I come running home to you.

Hold my hand and talk with me; I miss you very much.
Sometimes, Dad, this little girl just needs her father's touch.

When did I become to old to sit on Daddy's lap?
And cuddle up beside you when you took a little nap?

Simple tears no longer fall for losing in a game,
but the eyes that held those tears are very much the same.

Daddy, you're my strength to stand when placed before the crowd.
I'll do and be the very best to make my father proud.

To disappoint my daddy is a pain I could not bear.
In everything I do I see my father standing there.

Yesterday I viewed the world on Daddy's shoulders high,
And I fell asleep contently to your tender lullaby.

God gave to me so very much when He placed me in your care.
I know that I am loved and that my daddy's always there.

I'll always be your little girl. I love you Daddy so.
I couldn't ask for better, and I wanted you to know.

Much Love,
Laura Jean

Regret.

I'm up early this morning. Earlier than usual. Bad dream. A bad dream for me is one where I am in the midst of people that I used to know, love, and do life with - and I am trying to undo what I have already done. The scenarios are never the same. The people are. People are forever, you know?

Heartache grips me when I wake up and realize I live the struggle of that dream in reality. What's done is done, and I cannot make it any different. Wow. Who wants to live in that mess, right? Not me; not by the power of God in me. I run to Jesus. He is my source of life and hope and redemption. "Talk to me, Daddy, " I say to Him at 4:00a.m. "Wash over this regret with the wisdom of your Word." He pulls up in the chair next to me, and lets me cry while I fumble for my glasses and His book of Truth. Yeah - that's the way I see it. Call me crazy, I'm good with it.
I Corinthians 15:1-11 is my scheduled reading for today with my Vintage egroup babes - www.vintagetruth.com I'm thinkin' of them. Praying for them. What a gift to do life with women seeking Jesus. I begin to read.

"Now brothers and SISTERS" - Stop. Think. Because my heart is arrested just here. I am the member of a family, one that loves me, hopes for me. The apostle Paul, my brother - You God, my Daddy.

"I want to remind you of the gospel" - By it I am rescued from who I once was.

Please don't stop, Lord. I need more. Please wrap me up in more truth. Tears. Why do you want to remind me of the gospel this morning?

"I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain." - Heart adjustment. Hold firmly to what is now - not what was then. I stand because I was rescued. I am not there anymore. But, Jesus - what do I do with the memories I carry? I hold them in full view, and I still hurt.

"By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain". That I was rescued by Jesus from the life I lived for myself is the gospel. If it were not for that realization, - if it were not for the freedom to fall far from you - how would you have influenced my love? In this painful moment of realization - you were waiting all along to love me and receive my love.

"For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas (Peter), and then to the Twelve. After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles.. " Did anyone believe that they had been with Jesus? Did they live diffferently because of it? I mean, were these people, like me who made bad choices - and were known by those choices - and then changed the way they made every choice from JesusMeetingMoment on...? and so then exemplified the TRUTH of the Gospel? .... sigh. oh my Jesus. please tell me more. Thank you for continuing through Paul.

"...and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born." - what does he mean? i hear a familiar inward ache.

"For I am the least of the apostles, and do not even deserve to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God." Regret. There it is. This is my ache, Jesus. My brother - the apostle Paul knows my ache of regret. In this moment does he see the face of those he could have loved and chose to hurt instead. Does he see the choices that he made for himself - out of pride - out of lust - greed - envy - empty soul hunger apart from you, God? He does, doesn't he? Does he dream of holding Stephen's coat while he watched him being stoned, and wish he could change that day? He does, Lord, doesn't he? What does my brother, Paul do with such pain? Tell me what does he do with the heartache? Does it ever go away?

"By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them - yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." - No it does not go away. This is the grace of God to him realized - and by it - He lives through you. This regret, Jesus - is my understanding of your grace. This regret, Jesus, is the reason that I will not forsake you ever again - and by YOUR GRACE that washes over REGRET with wisdom - I will embrace the gospel that is your story in my dreams, and your story in my NOW reality. By it I live differently forever. I have been forgiven much, and by this forgiveness - I love you, withmyheartmysoulmymindandlstrength in this life so much. Thank you for wrapping me up in this comfort today. I will walk in it. I will stand on it. I will hold firmly to the Word you have preached right. to. me.

Regret is a harsh teacher. Jesus is not. My favorite truth. It is the gospel to me. Praying it for my children, my egroup babes, for myself, for you. Today is a new day. Faithful Jesus.

study methods.

There are so many ways to study the Bible! I was introduced to Bible Study by Kay Arthur. Two friends of mine - Jamie and Angie George - gave me a book, Lord Heal My Hurts, after my divorce in 1996. Even though my friends had to return to their home in Tennessee, Kay Arthur remained with me through the pages of her book, and as I'm sure Jamie and Angie prayed - she and the Spirit of God sat there with me in my tiny apartment and walked me through how to hear God speak off the pages of His book. From that point on - there was no turning back.

These two study methods that I am sharing with you, my friend, here are easy, and yet oh so heart challenging. The first study method is active reading. We engage our mind and pen with paper to think through what God is teaching us. And with this study - as with any Bible study - the context of the passage we have read is critical to understanding God's message. Be careful not to lift a verse and assume its meaning without careful consideration of all the information that God has given to surround that verse. Like, "Now in the seventh month, on the first day of the month, you shall also have a holy convocation; you shall do no laborious work. It will be to you a day for blowing trumpets." Numbers 29:1 Don't get out your calendar and buy a horn, okay? This direction specific direction was given to Israel. However, if we study this passage and God's directions to His people there are some AMAAAZING truths to be realized about our God - about His revelation of Jesus - about His heart for all His people. So, we can't disregard this passage - but rather study it further to see exactly what God is revealing to us about Himself .

The second study method is a bit more involved. You may want to study a character, an event, a topic, a chapter, a book - whatever you are drawn to understand you will not be disappointed as you seek to know God - His character - better. This is a study that involves cross referencing and using the concordance in your study Bible. You do have a study Bible right? Best tool I own! Invest in a good one; one that allows you to cross-reference and contains a concordance will be a huge help to your learning journey. I hope this is a help to you. I'm praying it is! Truly - it is only the personal study time that I have spent with God that has changed my life. Sermons and songs are great - but nothing can compare to the awareness that God is meeting us right where we are - speaking to us - heart to heart - and giving us understanding. CRAZY faithfulness that grows my faith! No one - no circumstance - can take our intimate learning moments with Jesus from us - ever. AND that will make - and HAS made - all the difference.

BIBLE STUDY

“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things from your law.” Psalm 119:18

~ Ask God to Teach you about Himself ~

Reading the Bible

1. Read the passage several times.

2. Be still and think about the verse(s) that you have just read.

a. Have you heard or read this before? In what context?

b. Is there another Scripture you have heard or read that is similar? Can you find it? What is the context of this passage? Do these passages connect? If so, how?

c. What stands out to you from this passage (word, phrase, action, person)? Why?

3. As you read the passage again, possibly aloud this time, ask yourself some questions about the passage. Is there:

a. A sin to confess?

b. A promise to claim?

c. An attitude to change?

d. A command to obey?

e. An example to follow? A positive one to imitate or a negative one to avoid?

f. A prayer to pray?

g. An error to avoid?

h. A truth to believe?

i. Something to praise God for?

4. Write out what you have understood from your time of meditation.

5. Write out how you will apply to your life the truth you now understand from this passage.

Studying Your Bible

1. Read with purpose (to know a character, a truth, a promise, a topic, a theme, chapter study, word study).

2. Observe the obvious (FACTS: type of book, author, audience, people mentioned, places, repeated words, events.

3. Identify the context (words, phrases, and sentences surrounding a particular word, phrase, or sentence).

4. Consider details (contrasts, comparisons, terms of conclusion, expressions of time, the culture).

5. Deal with the text objectively (let the text speak for itself).

6. Cross-reference (biblestudytools.com).

7. Compare translations. (crosswalk.com).

8. Write down what you learn from each passage you study.

What does it all mean?

1. Context is king in interpretation; it rules.

2. Be careful not to violate the general theme of the book you are studying.

3. Look for the author’s intended meaning of the passage.

4. Check to be sure your conclusions are in accordance or agreement with what the author said in other books of his writing.

5. Make sure your conclusions do not violate other Biblical truths. Scripture will never contradict Scripture.

Application

1. Pray for insight on how to apply the passage of Scripture you have studied.

2. Write out the your personal application plan: Based on: _____________ I am going to:_______________.

3. How will you evaluate your life change?

Sex Education

This morning I read some information about sex education in the public schools that I'd like to pass along to you. (Parental Rights and Sex Education) Please take time to read the article by Robert George and Melissa Moschella. Basically the focus of this article and the Parental Rights Amendment is to ensure that our children learn about sex how and when we as parents say.

While I understand and appreciate the intent of this article and amendment, our rights to teach our children about sex are not being infringed upon. We are well aware that the public schools will teach a sex education curriculum, and the kids with whom our children will interact will teach another sex education curriculum - and the media another. Music, books, magazine covers in the check out line at the grocery, television shows, commercials for crying out loud - the Super Bowl half time show! We cannot escape the sexual billboards all around us.

This educational main stream does not alarm me - in the least. It does not make me want to home school my children, or put them in a private school. My husband and I rest in the Word God has given us for where our children are learning math, reading, language, and truths about the world that God has clearly addressed in His Word - loud and clear. This article and amendment - and all the other information that I can keep up with - makes me more aware of the curriculum that we will teach right here in our own home. Our children will learn of these sexual issues - yes, even the dicey ones - from their mom and dad. Menstruation, ejaculation, masturbation - all the "ations" - WE will teach them. Because ultimately, mom (or dad if you're a dad reading this - thanks, by the way!), your kids will learn it ALLLL anyway.

Power to the God seekin' parent who takes these lessons by the tail WITH God's Word. "Hello, serpent - you have met your match!" Not with your bare hand! With the Word of God. What we do - and will continue to do with our children and their Christian education at home, is teach them what GOD SAYS in light of what the world will continue to teach them all of their lives. THE WORD of GOD over our heart, our mind, our flesh - for all of our lives; that's sanctification baby.

So what does our teaching look like? Ok. Glad you're interested. And please share with me what you do, too! Facebook me! Email me! I'd love it! Our teachable moments are never exactly like this but - this is an outline for all of our conversation objectives.

For example: Here is what the world is teaching you___________ Why the world is teaching you this__________ Here is what God says______________ Why He is teaching you this _______________ Tell me what you think about what the world says - what God says -, what you can do as a follower of Christ with what God is teaching you about the world and what His Word says...AND what can do TOGETHER to live this out.

I always explain how I am living out whatever truth we are learning. I am not immune to sin - to the lure of it. I want my kids to get that I am with them as a Christ follower. I am made out of the same stuff they are, but my heart - at 41 - is sold out that Jesus is who He said He was, and I refuse to live for anything or anyone - including myself - but Him. Looping our children in with us in the learning and growing is pretty critical, I think. I am not above them at the feet of Jesus, I am with them. And so I ask them - grow with me. Grow with us.

We are so, so blessed as parents that we GET to teach them God's Word over their lives. They are learning what it means to be in the world, but not of it - for His purposes. Why do we doubt the power of God's Word? You don't, do you? Let's not!!! Jesus didn't doubt it. John 17! Jesus didn't pray that God would take his disciples out of the world - but that God would sanctify them, set them apart, by HIS WORD. To me - that heart sanctification is stronger than any amendment that could ever be written. The question is, do we believe God will answer THAT prayer? Think about it...THAT prayer, the one Jesus prayed...the petitions of the Son of God!!! How amazing we get to hear that prayer and know it! He didn't pray JUST for his disciples either. "I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word." John 17:20 THAT prayer is for you - for me - for my children - for yours. WOW! Thank you, Jesus.

I believe God will do what Jesus asked. And I will align myself under everything Jesus said to do so that I do not exclude us from that blessing. John 15!

I'll let you go for now. Thanks for thinking about this with me, but I do want to be clear so you don't think I'm gonna just sit back and say or do nothing as far as signing or voting or anything I can do within my power. I am taking a stand on this issue. Like anything our government imposes or tries to impose that contradict the Word of God, we voice our position. However, I will continue to live by faith - not in what this government does or can do to influence my children toward or away from God -but by faith in the One who holds the heart of the king, and the heart of my babes.

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7

I'm asking. I'm asking for my children what Jesus asked the Father for His. "Sanctify them in your truth. Your Word is truth." John 17:17

Memorize that one, Mama Bear, Papa Bear. And pray it often.

Wait for WHAT?

Can you picture the Garden of Eden? Can you just imagine what that must have been like? The part that I love about that thought is that Adam was there in the midst of it having no expectations of more or less. Not that He didn't sense that there was more, but - hold with me here - he had no idea of any other life but the one that God gave him RIGHT THERE.

The Bible says in Genesis 2:18 "The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Wow. Look who is calling the shots as far as what man needs. It is God! He said that man shouldn't be alone. He saw the need of man and designed it for him specifically, and MET IT for him - beyond what he could have asked for or imagined. Nice, huh? YEAH she is! You go Eve! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this about our God!!! The Designer designed the need - for Him to meet the need. (Wow! Insert the Gospel here!!!) And ONLY HIS design would do. "I WILL MAKE..." Those words are so YUMMY to me!!! my heart just latches on to them and sings out to our Creator! Seriously! I'm sitting here goin', "Match maker, Match maker make me a match - find me a find - catch me a catch." I know it's a Fiddler on the Roof tune- but I don't know any music for "...This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man." Genesis 2:25 I bet Adam sang it out. I so bet he did! I bet he was leaping and dancing and worshiping God for what He alone had done. And I bet Eve loved every minute of it. She must have laughed and rejoiced with him, because he delighted in her so much. First party ever!

Have you seen the X Factor? You know when the contestants find out they're going to the next round? Have you seen their reactions? Something has just been given to them that they have longed for in their entirety and it is now theirs! Small comparison to where I'm reaching in my understanding - because Adam didn't even know what to long for. The woman must have been more magnificent to his eyes - and hands - his ears, his heart - than he could have ever realized anything to be. What would he have known otherwise? What could he have compared to the sound and touch, the sway and curve of a woman? What could he have imagined that would envelop his heart, his mind, his very flesh? God knew. God knew full well. And God gave her to him. SHUTUPILOVETHISSOMMUCHICOULD DIIIIIE!

calming. calming down...it's just so, so Very Good. You know?

But what does that have to do with you or me? I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT! (shouting again - sorry!) I'm so passionate in this! You with me? I see this man Adam (he looks like my husband. Nice.)... living in expectancy of nothing before his only God - but living out his created purpose before God - dependent on God for what life is and looks like - and MANOHMAN! I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!!! I want to wait on God for God. What He has in store today - what He knows I realize is an ache, and that IN that ache - for however long it lasts unmet - because, seriously - who knows how long Adam tiptoedthroughthetulips alone, right? In that waiting, longing, ache I - WE - can glorify God. YES! even in the waitng. I want to seek Him and Him only without an expectation of what I think is a need. Because I may just be longing for heaven, ya know? I feel "it". I feel that draw toward something GOD put in me to seek Him for. Even if it's to seek Him for the eradication of that "IT" that longing? I don't know...yet.

Am I making sense here? Do you know what I'm talking about? You feel it, too? Check this: "But for Adam no suitable helper was found." vs. 20. He was naming the animals. He was doing good work God gave him to do - and he felt it. That ache for something that was still - of God- in Him to long for. What is that in you and I? If you're married - then you know it's not a mate. Maybe it's a better marriage. God is good at making marriages. Yessss DADDY, He's good! If you are not married, - well, it could be marriage you are longing for. However, I would not lock into the idea that it is marriage you are missing right now. If we are truly going to seek God for His design - His purpose for us - then we are not sketching out what the "suitable helper" looks like, be it shaped, in our mind, - as a husband, wife, job, child, home, car, education - et cetera, et cetera, et cetera....- Whatever it is we are longing for - we shouldn't be designing it for our God. And by "WE", I mean we who love Him, and we who acknowledge that He is Creator. You with me here? We are the designed thing... seeking Him. WITHOUT EXPECTATION of the part that fits into our place in the story of "no suitable helper was found".

I love that God patiently grows my faith in Him. He is my Creator. Today - I embrace Him in that knowledge with new understanding - without expectation.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." I Corinthians 2:9

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!!

Public Vs Parochial Vs Homeschool.

I'm not for any of it. I am for the Word of God over our lives. Stop rolling your eyes! Lol! I see you. One environment does not ensure your desire for your child. Of that I am most positive. I'll stake my life on it, that's how sure I am. You wanna know HOW I know?

Figure 1.1. That's me. Not a great picture, but if Glamour hasn't hounded me yet, I think I can be pretty secure in the fact that no picture will matter at this juncture. I grew up in a Christian home, and I attended a Christian school from the time I was in fourth grade until the day I graduated. Those environments, although infused with godly influences, did not impact my heart. At the age of 18, I walked far from God, and at the age of 20, I actually thought I would never look back.

Figure 2.1 That's my hot husband. He also grew up in a Christian home, and his parents were heavily involved in ministry. Unlike me, he attended a public school. Neither environments impressed his heart toward God. Like me, he made choices that took him further from God than he ever thought he would go.

Figure 3.1 Adam and Eve. They were home schooled. Right smack dab in the perfection of home and POWERFUL Parental guidance, they were educated. And what happened? They fell. And great was their fall.

Consider well your own environments, where you have learned, loved, and been led - in whatever you believe. You would be figure 1.2, 2.2, or 3.2. respectively. Whatever lessons your heart has embraced in this life - the environment is just details. Now - don't get me wrong. God chooses His environments very carefully, because in each TRUTH is posted boldly on the "white board", and from there it can be learned, practiced, and lived out. No one is a teacher like our God, and where we learn is a classroom He has set up - called us to - and instructed in with His eye on us. I'm not makin' that up either. From the garden, to the wilderness, to a mountain, a promised land, Egypt, and then back again to Canaan, until Babylon. Ahhh Babylon. Yes, God chose where His people would learn to choose Him, where they would learn what it meant to be loved by Him, to love Him back, and serve Him out of that love. Environment is just a workbook for the lessons of the heart.

So what should you choose for your babes? Who can tell anyone that, but God? I know what I'd pick for your children, but that doesn't make it right. I most certainly would not have told Abraham on the way up that mountain that it was right to sacrifice His child. And if he said, "God told him too", I would have thought he was out of his ever livin', God fearin' mind! God did tell Him too. We can read that Word in Genesis 22. Our God instructed His people through His Word, and HE STILL DOES. My husband and I go to Him daily, before the crack of dawn, seeking God's Word over our lives - in our lives - for His light THROUGH our lives. We are two cracked pots that's for sure - but we know who our Redeemer is - and HE will not fail us - nor will he fail our babes.

And "hearing from God", my friends, is not something that goes on in my head - or my husband's head - apart from His Word. Like, "Okay here is what I think God is saying we should do: we need to put our kids in the public school. God said so." God has spoken off the pages of The Bible, and THAT WORD - was all that needed to be said for he and I to know that GOD would grow us and keep us for Himself in this foreign land. What that looks like under your roof, and under my roof, in your city and my city, will look similar in one way only - we will seek Him. See, if I follow you, or if you follow me in what living for God specifically looks like - who is our God? So if you wanna know what Scripture my husband and I were led to and landed on, and are clinging to daily, and clinging to every fall when our babes board a bus that drives them into an influence that we pray THEY influence - and we as well with them...INHALE... I'm not gonna tell ya. That would spoil what God has in store for you! Your own eye to eye - heart to heart - with your KING! Sheweee that's an amazing privilege!

Be encouraged. His Word is "a lamp to your feet and a light to your path". He's holding it out there for us. We can't miss Him. Light is loud and clear.

more fish.

A loooong time ago - like before wrinkle defense cream was even a glimmer 'round my eyes, I was in a church presentation of the Passion of Christ. I got to play one in a multitude (about 30 on our church platform) who was fed by Jesus on a hillside. The story is told in Mark 8 and also John 6). The multitude and I didn't have any lines, but what we had to do was talk amongst ourselves as we pretended to be served by the disciples. My mom later asked me what I said when I was acting out this scene. I told her I just kept saying, "More fish! More fish over here, please." She laughed. Hard. Which was the reaction I wanted. That's not actually what I said, but if I did have a line - that's what I would have been shouting. Jesus fed the people and they were satisfied. I thought it would be funny to yell out for more. You know - to be the greedy guy. Cuz who would want to be "THAT guy"??? Which reminds me - Wes Aarum did a message on "Don't Be That Guy" at www.thechapel.com. Great message! Flannel graph and all. Check it out if you have time...Time. I know. Anyway - so as not to waste yours, I''ll hurry up here.

The memory struck a chord with me as I read John 6 the other day. Thousands of people followed Jesus to hear him teach. Thousands of hungry people. And this part cracks me up - cuz I can almost see Jesus laugh to Himself at the humor in this question posed to Philip. "Where can we buy something for these people to eat?" Can you imagine? EVEN IF a market were just around the hill, would there be enough to feed them all? Would there be enough money to buy for all? This was Philip's concern, too - not that the people were hungry - but the cost and the responsibility of that hunger. Jesus knew it - and probably couldn't wait to show Him the truth of what He could provide. The people ate and were satisfied. The leftovers were overflowing from baskets.

The next day - like any crowd that witnessed a miracle of food just happening - the mob followed him. He got to the other side of the lake much faster than they did - like "POOF" and He was there, and they were amazed. But he did not address their inquiries about how and when he traveled, He went much deeper in their seeking issue. "You are looking for me, not because you saw signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you."

So - there I am. I'm literally transported from my couch to this crowd being tenderly corrected. I'm the guy chasing Jesus yelling, "More fish. More fish over here please." I am chasing Him across the lake or where ever I know He is going to be, because I know what He can do. He can give me what I need. He can give me what I am convinced is a need, but deep down - is a WANT. Chasing Jesus. One of my friends from the crowd yells out what I'm thinking, "What must we do to do the work God requires?" - Thanks, Buddy! Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent." - Wow. That shut me up. But someone else wanted to know more. "What sign will you give that we may SEE it and believe you? What will you do?" -

Seriously! I'm thinkin' he just fed all of you! Was that not enough? People! And then I remember. I have been so blessed. I have eaten and been satisfied in so many ways - left overs in overflowing baskets. Do I not STILL doubt Him, too. - Shutmeupagain. Reading on...

Jesus said, "Very truly I tell you, (paraphrased - I'm shootin' you straight, People!) it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that God sent down from heaven and gives life to the world."

A hungry guy (or two) - who totally reminds me of ME in that play I was in - spoke up, "Sir, always give us this bread ."

He's thinkin' what you're thinkin' - or at least what I am thinkin' ...Bread from heaven - YES! I'll take that free gift! no more $3.49 for whole grain! I want that miracle! I'll believe that magic is possible from the guy who fed all of us just yesterday!

Then Jesus said something that rocks me to the core, "I AM the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still do not believe."

Wow. What do you suppose hungry guy did with that? I bet he walked away - hungry. You wanna know why I think that??? Because in verse 41 of this chapter it says, "At this the Jews there began to grumble because he said, "I am the bread that came down from heaven."

They missed it. They missed soul satisfying truth. Jesus wasn't talking about never starving, He was talking about what every good daddy cares about most - His children's heart. Everything else is just details.

My heart hunger can be satisfied if I will just believe that Jesus is the Bread of LIFE.

Do I get that? I want to. I'm trying to. Just this morning I was chasing after Jesus for a myriad of things going on today. He didn't shove me away. He let me ramble on and on and on with my concerns - like He always does. And then I remembered. This is Jesus. He is the bread of Life. So I sat still with Him for a bit, just still, believing, until I heard my daughter's alarm go off.

"I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."John 8:51

Satisfied. Overflowing.

I wish I knew.

Thousands of years ago King Solomon, inspired by God, wrote down this simple but profound truth:

"He (God) has also put eternity in the hearts of men." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Though he was one of the wealthiest and wisest people to ever live, he discovered what you and I, if we're honest, know to be true as well - that the stuff of this world doesn't satisfy, doesn't bring lasting purpose, doesn't fill the void of meaning or answer the heart's deepest questions in a person's life. The truth is, it was never intended to. We are meant for something more...a connection with the Divine.

The Bible clearly maps this out in its very first book, Genesis - that we as human beings from the outset were created with a specific divine design. And that design is to be in a personal relationship with God, to know Him and love Him and live life as He designed it to be lived. However, this is not how things are. Our deconstruction began when sin entered the picture - man's rebellion against God, choosing to live life on his own terms. With sin our disconnect from God is total, and the result is not only an aimless life apart from our Creator but an eternity separated from Him as well. You and I are guilty of breaking God's law (I John 3:4, Exodus 20) and the consequences are dire (I John 3:36). BUT GOD - He does not end our story there, mired in hopelessness. His love for you and for me is so great that He launched a rescue mission, pursuing us with the possibility of a new life, the chance to be made new - or in other words - born again.

The most famous verse in the Bible clearly nuggets this amazing truth:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Our desperate situation called for the most extreme measures. The only way to satisfy and uphold the justice of a holy God was to pay for our eternal sin crime with a substitute who could completely and totally fulfill the death sentence leveled against us -

"For the wages (payment) of sin is death." Romans 6:23

God sent the only qualified, acceptable "payment" - His Son Jesus - to earth to die in our place so that by believing in Him and receiving by faith His sacrifice on our behalf, we become declared righteous (Romans 1:16-17), we receive eternal life, a home in heaven, (I John 5:13), we are restored to our original design, that loving relationship with God through Jesus Christ (I Peter 3:18, and I John 4:9-10), and the eternal void of meaning in our life is filled (John 10:10).

The way this truth can become a reality in your life TODAY is through faith - believing that what God says in His Word, the Bible, is for real, and then by coming to God on His terms:
- agreeing with God that you have broken His law and are guilty of sin (Romans 3:23)
- accepting Jesus' death sacrifice for you as THE ONLY WAY to get to God

"Jesus said, I am the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father but by me."
John 14:6

- Then willfully turn from sin and from living life on your own terms. The Bible calls this repentance.

"I tell you the truth, unless you repent you shall all likewise perish. Luke 13:3

- and then by turning to Jesus and placing your total faith in Him - "Yet to all who received HIm, to those who believed in His name - HE GAVE THE RIGHT TO BECOME CHILDREN OF GOD." John 1:12

Right now - right where you are at - you can voice your heart's desire to Jesus through prayer and commit your life to Him - and that is exactly what it is - a life commitment, responding to God Who is desperately pursuing you as the Great Lover of your soul. For God to ask for a lesser commitment would not only cheapen it but would be completely unsatisfactory in dealing with our spiritual condition. We don't just need a spiritual band-aid, we need a total life transfusion. It is that which God offers us (John 17:3), wrapping it up in an ongoing, purpose driven, outrageous love relationship with Himself. And it's one you can be confident in forever (I John 5:11-13). This is where the journey begins, and God leaves the invitation open to you...it is the only answer to the call of eternity in your heart.

You can shape your prayer something like this - and note - salvation isn't in the prayer. Salvation is in the understanding of what you're praying - and through that - the change that comes from your heart to the God that you acknowledge right now - as your Lord and Savior.

"Dear God, I BELIEVE that You are telling me the truth in Your Word, and I agree with it. I confess that I have done wrong and I need to be rescued. I need a Savior from myself - from separation from You. I believe that you sent Your Son, Jesus, to die on a cross to pay the penalty for my sin. I BELIEVE that He rose from the grave, conquering sin and death, and now offers me eternal life - and a love relationship with you FOREVER. I want THAT. So, right now Jesus, I turn from my old selfish ways in repentance, and I turn to live for YOU. Come into my life, forgive my sins, and give me eternal life. I commit my life to YOU. Thank you for becoming my Savior, my Friend, My Lord. I love you. Thank you for loving me and teaching me what it means to truly love you and live for you from now on. Thank you that you will GUIDE me as I follow YOU.

Amen.

(www.vintagetruth.com) from Vintage Teachings.

You CAN know. This wish was already given. Will you receive it?

"And the testimony is this, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the SON has THE LIFE; He who does not have the Son of God, does not have THE LIFE. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life." I John 5:11-13

the entertainer.

We only hear Scott Joplin's jangle through our neighborhood in the summer time. Do you know that tune? Oh how I love that song! Joplin wrote that rag time winner in 1902, and it was revived in the 1970's when the movie The Sting hit the big screen. When or why it became an ice cream truck tune, I have no idea. But it works. The ice cream truck will round the corner and on cue the music begins to play loud and long -over every vacuum cleaner, dish-washer, and game of freeze tag. That truck begins to play "come get ice cream" to the wordless tune of The Entertainer and the kids and moms come running.

My children could "bum. bum. bumbumbumbumbumbumb" it out when they were too tiny to finish their own ice cream cone. The moment they would hear that happy summer song they were bursting with all the energy and hopeful expectancy that ice cream on a stick can bring. But it wasn't just about the ice cream. There's something about that truck coming down the street to bring it to them that changes everything. Maybe it's just that a moment of sweet pleasure was coming their way, and they had not even realized they wanted it. Maybe they did realize they wanted it, and maybe they were even thinkin' about it, listening for it, and THEN there it was. Maybe this truck and frozen treat gig is a thrill because they get to beg for what they see everyone else receiving, and then get to see the power of their petitions when we say, "Yes". Maybe the excitement is because they get to hold their dollar, pick out what they want and actually pay for it. Or maybe all of the big fuss about the ice cream truck is simply because there is a guy in this town who brings ice cream to the tune of the "Entertainer" in sweet days of summa time.

Whatever the reason, my kids love to hear that song because they love what it means for them, at least what it means for them...some of the time.

I could go broke if I said "yes" every time that guy came driving down our street. He comes often, and it's as if he knows just when the neighborhood kids will be salivating and longing for it, and the moms will be tired enough to give in. I kid you not! His timing is impeccable. He even knows when the grandparents are over, because they never say "no". I, however, do - and have said, "no" enough times for my children to realize that the song doesn't automatically guarantee a prize.

Just recently I was fixing dinner while the kids were outside playing with their friends. It was a gorgeous fall day. I should have known that ice cream truck was fueling up and getting ready to rock my change purse one more time. Well, I don't have a change purse - it's more like a junk drawer with loose change thrown in it - but the latter sounds prettier. ANYWAY, while I was cooking I was talking to my friend about the book of Mark. We have been reading it with our small group at Vintage. (www.vintagetruth.com)

In the gospel of Mark, Jesus walked from town to town healing people, raising people from the dead, and casting out demons. While I read, I would just sit and try to understand or conceptualize what this must have been like. What I would give for Jesus to come and touch my own children, my niece - my brother! He has not granted my request for healing, and so as I hope in Him, I can't help wonder what it took to move the hand of God to heal.

My friend sat listening to me "process", as she often does. Which is wise, and kind - because for so many of my rantings there is no answer, just the need for a heart to sit with me and realize that I cannot know everything about our God, and I don't need to know everything.

However, as this conversation - or rather monologue - was taking place, that song began to play. The front door was open so the autumn breeze could blow through my warm kitchen, and so I heard it loud and clear. And then the next thing I heard was my son. The screen door opened and slammed while the song played on to his words and actions.

"Mommy! The ice cream truck!" he yelled out.

"I know, Son. I hear it."

"Can I have some ice cream?" he asked.

"No, Son. Not this time." I answered.

"But this might be the last time," he whined.

"Not necessarily. You don't know that," I replied.

"But it MIGHT be. Then it won't come around again until next year," he realized.

"You don't know that. It could be coming back sooner than you think, Kaden."

"But, Mommy!"

"Son, I have dessert for you. A great dessert treat. We're having a cookie cake later."

"So, I could get THIS, too, and save it for another time."

"Kaden, I do not support the ice cream truck."

And with that last response, my heart ceased, and I latched on to my thoughts. It was as if I heard my own Father's Word to me over my own insistence. I beg for what seems like so much sense, never realizing that He may have something else in store that is better and more delicious than what the ice cream truck could ever deliver.

"I am not in the business of supporting the ice cream truck, " kept repeating in my own mind. God is God. He is Creator, Provider, and Shepherd; He is my Banner, the Lord of Hosts, and the Self-Existent One. He is the Lord our Righteousness, our Peace; The God Who Sees ME and You, He is the God most High, The Lord, and YES, He is a healer, but for His purposes. Healing and any other miracle of His nature came when it did to those people, including salvation, for the purposes of God, and this most certainly was their good. For His purposes Jesus walked among those people in flesh. And for His purposes He does not come walking down my street right now - nor does he deliver everything that I am asking Him to bring our way - no matter how good it seems to be to me. His plan is for my good, for my family's good, and it can only be better.

I had to set the spoon down as I stood in front of the sausage filled pan that I was stirring. With tears in my eyes, I just looked at my friend, because I think she heard and knew - what I just heard, and realized. I said to her, in total awe - while my son waited for my final reply, "These words were for me to hear, not him."

"No, is my final answer, son," I replied with a huge smile on my face. "We will have dessert later, and you will love it." He walked out the door very disappointed.

I felt bad that he could not find joy in what was in store for him. I felt bad that he did not trust that I was caring for him even in that moment, but I knew he would enjoy that cake later, and I knew one day - he would understand why I do not support the ice cream truck. I am for him, no matter what he thinks in the moment. One day, I pray he realizes just how very much so.

God is not in the business of supporting one aspect of His nature for my pleasure. He is not in the business of "supporting the ice cream truck" for my benefit. And what I see, and hear, and realize is His nature, is in itself a gift. I get to know God! So when the music plays on before me of people being healed, and their loved ones saved from evil, the dead walking, and hungry fed, I will not lament what is not mine. Because He is. Jesus is mine, and He is my God. I lack no good thing. Not one.

"And the whole city had gathered at the door. And He healed many who were ill with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He was not permitting the demons to speak, because they knew who He was. In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there. Simon and his companions searched for Him; they found Him and said to Him, 'Everyone is looking for You.' He said to them,

'Let us go somewhere else to the towns nearby, sot that I may preach there also; for THAT is what I came for.'" Mark 1:33-38

teaching little fingers to play

Our piano is being tuned right now. We have two sets of little hands that tickle the ivories daily to prepare for their lesson on Friday. This thirty-five year old piano has not been tuned for quite awhile, and only as of late has the pitch of each note been important to my oldest musician. The pitch was fine before. Before what? Our piano's pitch was fine until she heard with her own hands and ears the music of a piano that was actually in tune. Now here I am investing in every opportunity to make it right.

Making wrongs right: powerful business, powerful yet - unpopular. Two of the most difficult words that I can ever utter are "I'm sorry". Why is that? The pain in such humility, right? What am I so afraid I will lose when I admit wrong doing? A relationship is not built on being right - but on love. What tune did I hear that made me think otherwise? And when did I realize it was off pitch?

It was years ago. We were newly married. Ahhh those tender moments of learning what it meant to become one. So much of me was still me - apart from my spouse. I was mad at him for something - probably trite and selfish. I ranted and raved...can you hear me? Yeah, I know you can. And then I slammed a door so hard it could have cracked. For any movie scene that demanded an ugly lovers' quarrel, I would have been magnificent - but for life with this man that I love, I had been most horrid.

I sat there on the bed waiting for the response. He would come in any moment, right? He would come in - yell back and this passionate release would continue to ensue until I had my moment of ....of what? I sat there. And sat there. And then I laid back on the bed waiting. And waiting. He did not follow me. Where was he? This anger I had built up was diffusing, and I was feeling more and more...unvalidated. I waited as long as I could, because to come out of that room was to admit, in some way, a weakness for him. Weakness for him: to me this was a negative.

The house was silent. Where was he? I pretended not to look as I went from room to room pretending to straighten up. You know how that goes. And then, I found him. He was lying on the bed in the guest room, and it looked as if he had been crying. (Granted he MIGHT have had something in his eye. I'm not saying you WERE crying, my husband. It just looked like you were.) I stood there in the doorway silent, just looking at him trying to figure out this foreign fighting strategy. I walked over to him because his silence concerned me. More weakness displayed. He laid there, looked over at me with such compassion - such weakness - I broke. He took my hand, and in a voice of tenderness, of almost pleading and such humility he said, "There will be no slamming of doors in our house."
What could I say?

"I'm sorry, " was all I could muster through my tears. He sat up and hugged me closely. I am his, and he is mine, and we are one life for the sake of the other no matter what. He forgave me without words, because the sound of submission was too sweet to interrupt.

I might think I know the way I want my life to go, the way I want to be defined, but I realize at 41, I need to listen closely to what I call strength - to what I call solid ground - what I call gain and what I perceive as loss - because I have been off key before, and I never even knew it.

This house is not so empty anymore- not so quiet in the moments of conflict when conflict does ensue. However, my heart has learned a new song with which to fill it moment by moment, and I am ever aware that I am teaching little fingers to play.

"Blessed are the peacemakers..." Matthew 5:9

what do you see?

I love when my kids play that game "What do you see in the clouds?" Remember doin' that? Do you play that? It's kind of hard not to once you've been in the habit of it all your life on a cloud canvased day. My babes say the funniest things! Well, actually I guess they're SEEING the funniest things, but I get a kick out hearing what they're seeing. Imagination - pressed in on reality. Based on that thought, here's another: it's not really what they see, so much as what they choose to perceive.

Last week at Vintage - our church college group - www.vintagetruth.com - Wes Aarum spoke about the gospel, the truth of salvation that is come to us. He said, "May the truth of God's Word be louder than our circumstances." Wow. Say that again, because my heart just got jolted to new life. And I have not let it go. Or rather, this new thought of life will not let ME go.

How may times do I miss truth because of my circumstances? (oh God you are so patient!)

In one of my favorite books, Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul, by Angela Guffey, she wrote "I need God to come and do the Bible in my life." This, too, was a phrase that would not let me go. How I would pray over baby days that seemed so meaningless at diaper, feeding, cleaning, crying times, "GOD DO THE BIBLE IN MY LIFE! NOW!" What was I expecting to happen? Why did I think that He wasn't doing the Bible in my life?

My latest read is, Tozer's The Pursuit of God. This book has managed to find me at a time when bottles and babies are no longer in my lap. Sigh. Good times, Bud, good times. ANYYYWAYYY - So while enjoying Tozer by myself today, I realized...here it is.....and bear with me because it's not earth shattering....I realized that what I have perceived so many times as the absence of God in my life - has been in fact my own perception pressed into reality.

Tozer wrote, "The worshiping heart does not create its Object. It finds Him here when it wakes from its mortal slumber in the morning of its regeneration...Faith creates nothing; it simply reckons upon that which is already there. God and the spiritual world are real. We can reckon upon them with as much assurance as we reckon upon the familiar world around us. Spiritual things are there (or rather we should say are here) inviting our attention and challenging our trust....The world of sense intrudes upon our attention day and night for the whole of our lifetime...The object of the Christian's faith is unseen reality...For the great unseen Reality is God...As we begin to focus on God, the things of the Spirit will take shape before our eyes. Obedience to the word of Christ will bring an inward revelation of the Godhead. It will give acute perception enabling us to see God even as is promised to the pure in heart. A new God-consciousness will seize upon us and we shall begin to taste and hear and inwardly feel God, who is our life and our all."

I had to set my cup o' tea down after reading that...and look at what was around me in that moment. Silenced. Reverenced. In awe. God is present while I learn - and grow - and seek Him. Always.

How amazing to me what I miss, but even more than that - how amazing what God let's me see. You know what I'm saying?!?!? I so hope you do!!!

I don't need God to come and do the Bible in my life. He did do it. He is doing it. He was doing it when I didn't see Him, and He will always be whether I choose to realize it or not. OH don't let me miss it! Not one moment of it! Yes, I'm praying, "Open my eyes, God! I want to see you!"

Hope we think of that together when we are lookin' up on a cloudy day. "Let your TRUTH, God, be louder than our circumstances."

"I am your servant. Give me discernment that I may understand your statutes." Pslam 119:125

censorship.

I'm not for censorship when it comes to my 5th grade reader. Really. Guided reading, yes. Censorship, no. Without looping in all the arguments for and against censorship, I stand on one truth: She will learn about the world, whether I try to protect her from it or not. I want to equip her, because I cannot protect her from life on earth forever.

Have I shocked you? Well get ready for this - cuz this will really curl your toes. DAILY - I encourage her, in some way or another, to read the most controversial book ever written. It is full of adultery, rape, murder, homosexuality, incest, suicide, witchcraft, demonic power, war, torture, dismemberment, and then also love, friendship, poetry, - you name it, it's in there. Why would I ask her to read such a book? Because I know it will open her mind to the world in which we live. But more than that - the Bible is living and active, and by it God will open her eyes to see the Way truth and the LIFE.

Are all books so powerful? No. The Bible is the only one that is God's living Word. However, I can teach her to see every other book - every aspect of life that man can pen or imagine - by the one that God wrote so that we could have eyes to see and ears to hear. Any book can point in some way to the truth of this world that God has already addressed.

Do I want her to read all books? Absolutely not. I don't read all books. And I would even go so far as to say God doesn't want her to read every book that is introduced to her. However - I want for her - what God wants for her; to learn the blessing of a choice that is for God, and the consequences of one that is not . I want her to realize that the power to make either choice is hers.

Recently she brought home a book from the library that tells a girl's tale of revenge on people that were unkind to her. Gasp! How could I let her read such a book? Yeah that story could be found in the Bible too. King Saul was known for seeking revenge. Will you let your children read that story? It's a good one! And maybe she will compare and contrast this tale with that truth - or maybe not, but as I read this library book with her...I can be her tour guide or her book-talk club. And in the midst of those literary, mother/daughter moments, I can also teach her the critical thinking skills that I want her to employ for the rest of her life in every area of her life.

One morning after reading about Herodious, the wife of Herod, I sat thinking about what just happened in this wicked tale of a daughter who danced for her father the king, and a Saint who lost his head because of it. What could be learned from this? Surely something could. My heart was completely arrested.

Herod's wife hated John the Baptist. She wanted him dead because he told her husband it was wrong for him to have married his brother's wife...her. Guilt ridden, black heart, she wanted him out of her seared conscious. Her daughter's exquisite dance before her daddy and guests pleased the king so much he told her he would give her anything up to half the kingdom. Can you imagine? What power this little girl had at her fingertips! She did what a lot of little girls might do; she asked her mom to help her think about what she should ask for. How this mother convinced this daughter to forgo riches and jewels or a journey to an island, or a husband, I have no idea - or do I? But nevertheless, she told her daughter to ask for the head of John the Baptist on a plate. How gross! and how utterly dissatisfying to a child. Or not? This daughter did as her mother suggested, and the father did not back down on his promise. He gave her exactly what she asked for. She gave it to her mother. And what did her mother do with the head of John the Baptist? But greater still, what will I do with this story now stuck in my own head?

A daughter who pleases her father can have great influence. And a mother can have great influence through her daughter. This thought will not let me go.

How did this girl think/feel about herself before this happened? after?
What did she think about others before this happened? after?
What did she think about God?
What have I just learned in light of what God has taught me about myself? others? Him?


Considering all of this, I wrote four simple questions on a sticky note and stuck them in the cover of the book my daughter would be reading later that day. Already we have had some amazing discussions...not just my daughter and I - but our whole family. Cool book talk for sure. You wanna know the four questions? I hope so! Because I would love to share them with you - for your readers and you to enjoy as well.

1. How does the main character feel about herself/himself?

2. How does the main character treat others?

3. How does the main character feel about God?

4. What do you - yourself - understand about these 3 questions in light of what God has taught you?

Questions to help her read with purpose may enlighten her understanding; they may even influence what she chooses to read next time. (That would be great!) My certainty rests in the solid one on one talk time that will make my little girl well aware that what she reads and thinks matters to her momma - very, very much.

google images

I love google. I go there for so much! too much! What did we ever do without google? My children will never know the old smell of an encyclopedia, I'm afraid. Or what it means to research exclusively through a card catalog. I love that smell, too. I even loved the sound of the drawers opening and closing. Now - the click - click - click of my computer and the smell of whatever I have in the oven or even this dog curled up at my feet - are the smells that surround me.... I like the dog, so it's okay.

How valuable is an instant resource of images - definitions - explanations - direction - when it comes to learning! and now with my little ones - who always seem to want to know the strangest most wonderful things...like...what is the biggest shark in the world? or who in the world has held their breath the longest? or what is the biggest dog in the world? (wonder what he smelled like...) Google is most definitely a wonderful tool for learning. However - I do believe God has used it long before it came across our computer screens. And it's only now that I realized it...(slow learner. patient God)

Jesus told stories. No power point. No flannel graph. No handouts. Not even a chalk board...He told them orally - and yet googled up powerful images while he spoke. How?...indeed how. The mind. The heart. The life to which he speaks is a plethora - (googled spelling of plethora) - of images that are not just vivid - but personal.

The life to which he speaks is a plethora of images that are vivid - and PERSONAL.

The question is, will the listener move past the words that she hears into the images of her own life that so tenderly, colorfully, intimately give meaning to His Love?

I will never forget the first time this happened to me. It was 4:30 a.m. I was alone in my husband's house. It was not mine. It was not ours. He was gone all night without explanation. I was awake all night wondering why. This life could not be mine. This life I had chased after, far from my God, and deep into my own desires was a nightmare. What had I done? "OH MY GOD, NO!" I screamed. I screamed long and hard into the dark - the empty, cold, dark of that little ranch, that was not the castle I had dreamed of but rather a dungeon that my own desires had lured me into. What would I do now? I was trapped. Or was I? There on my knees and over my sobbing - one verse came to mind. How? How in the midst of such emotion and lack of clarity could a verse come to my hysterical, confused and scared mind...God. The miracle and wonder and purpose of the Spirit of God in flesh...God was with me, watching me, all along and had never, ever forsaken me - despite the fact I had literally flipped Him off years ago. And He did not consume me in those days with fire or strike me with holy lightning or disease - but because of His grace, He let me live in what I wanted - what I'd ask for...separation from Him. Silence from His influence. Until this moment when I cried out to Him.
OH FOR THE TEACHABLE MOMENTS!!! when the learner will hear... and receive...

This teachable moment was God's and He gave it to me - ...and with it He changed every other moment from then on. Open heart - yawning for help...I heard the Words - and I saw the images of my life - BIG SCREEN- before my eyes...and I knew God spoke to me - His eye on me - His arms around me - my heart in His hands...safe and loved... He said:

"Fear not." - and I saw this marriage that I believed was a safe place, but was not - at all.

For I am with you." - I saw my sin. All of it. I'll spare you. (My mother can read now - two years past her stroke! praise God! so no details...) And I was in horror - humbled - embarrassed - that God saw it all. How proud and arrogant I had been in so many of those moments - ... But I did not feel His horror - His embarrassment of me - just his love - and why??? only because of the Words He continued to speak...in that moment...

"Be not dismayed." - All of it was right where He was - loving me.

"For I am your God." - I did not live like He was my God - and the images I saw were of all the gods I'd lived for...on the throne was me. Just me. But God was there...watching me. letting me. loving me. immovable in His love - despite my unfaithfulness - my disgusting parade of lust. What would I do now? How could I ever be free? Be clean? I am so dirty. Buried. I saw the house. The marriage. The people. Everything that was supposed to be good - but that held me stagnant in this filth.

"I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I learned this verse in 6th grade - and had not considered it once in all my days since. It was rote; it was my parent's influence; - it was not my life's persuasion. Of this I am most certain and so are you, right??? - Those of you who knew me then - and saw me living life for me - you know this is true.

As I sat there - realizing all of this .... I could not fully understand the end of that verse...not one image came to mind of the outcome - of how to get to a place of help and strength and whatever righteousness would mean - just a sense that I would be okay. That God was with me. No punishment - my own choices had punished me enough. Only help. Only strength - only His clean hand that would take me out and over this hole. What I would do next ... was live by faith. I called my brothers. Both of them. Both loved me - both loved God. One set my head on straight. The other one moved me out. And the rest - well... the rest is the history that paints the images of my life - and ignite the truth of God's Word. They are mine to hold before Him - unashamed - and He has touched every one.

It still happens. Not the running away from God. I run to Him forever now. The google up images are what happens - when I read and seek the Word of God over my life. To every prayer there is the Word of God - that my God - my ever present Father - who sees my life and has watched, and allowed the download of every file; - He meets with the images of this life and brings them to my heart - my mind. He tells me the story that illuminates His Word so that I will not miss Him.

Only today I heard of a tragedy...one that I cannot bear - because I do not understand bad things that happen without purpose...and I went with this image and my tears - my fear - to His Word. And He spoke softly - bringing to mind the day my father died...senselessly... in a car accident... how I sat in the backseat of a car - whose car? I don't even remember... driving "home" to a home that would never be the same again...Where are you God? Where are you in this? today....for this family?

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills; from whence comes my help?" People surrounded us. Meals. Moving was made possible. Love was given. A hand to hold. Provision we could not have imagined or realized we needed - was there.

"My help comes from the Lord," The faces I cannot remember - but it was God. He is love.

" who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1-2 It is all His - this broken world - and this heaven that I long for apart from tears and pain. He made it, and is with me in it all. And I only know that from the Word that followed...

"As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever." Psalm 125:2

"Pray for one another, that you may be healed." James 5:16

He is right here. Right here with me. Right there with them. And He has impressed me to pray for them and those affected - and has impressed me to be His active hands - His everlasting love - that is often faceless and nameless images for those who receive it.

one moment.

It was one moment. Just once. Does that really determine everything?

To me...yes.

One moment changed my life a thousand times. Just once. And everything was determined.
I received a diploma.
I broke a heart.
I said good-bye.
I lied.
I said yes.
I said no.
I went in that house.
I left and never went back.
I drove away.
I arrived.
I took a drink.
I took a drag.
I called in sick.
I bought a car.
I over-slept.
I lost my keys.
My father died.
My mother remarried.
My divorce was finalized.
My house was empty.
My apartment was full.
I passed the test.
I had an interview.
The phone rang.
The job was mine.
He smiled at me.
I smiled back.
I said I do.
and so did he.
I held my daughter.
I held my son.
I signed my resignation.
I gave in.
I let go.
I held on.
I crossed the finish line.
She bought me a ticket.
I climbed aboard.
I saw the mountains.
I saw those eyes.
The war was over.
He prayed with me.
I prayed for them.
We prayed together.
I confessed.
He did too.
I was well.
She had a stroke.
I said I would go.
She could not walk.

We walked the mall.
I drove home.
I hugged them tight.
They hugged me tight.
The sun went down.
and there was peace.
The sun came up.
Here we are again today. 24 hours of moments.

One moment has in fact changed everything.
Many times. And so because of that. Yes. Every moment - to me - one alone - defines the next of everything else that follows.

wait for it.

Have you ever rushed into something - that seemed like it was going to be so good - because after all - THIS was what you were waiting for...and then CRASH - you find yourself in a pile of rubbish - at least rubbish of sorts???

I have done this. I have done this many times. Too many. A move. A job. A piercing. A jet ski. A house. A car. A date. A marriage. A trip. A dress. There were purchases, places, people, great pursuits along my rushing way that imploded on me simply because I did not wait. Because - why?I am the master of my own destiny. I say who - I say when - I say how - I say where (can you hear Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?). At least this was my thinking then. Wait? what for? It's here. It's now. It's...dun-dun-dun...what I want. That's the heart of the matter anyway - right? It's what I want.

I am so grateful! So, so grateful!!!!! that God changed my heart...softly, gently, without condemnation - only with a broom and a mop...and His Word wrapped around my heart to heal my wounds and dry my tears...So grateful for the grace of God! No one - no philosophy - no argument that could be possibly given for the existence of my God - can remove what His Word - He alone - has done in this heart of mine. He won my heart - and I am never letting Him go.

So, having learned the hard way - after all these years - I am in a waiting place once again...but this time - I will wait. I dare not move on my gut instinct, in a weak moment, in a clever thought of rationalization...I will wait. For what? For what indeed. I don't know! Ha! How insane is that?!?! I am waiting on my God - and truly - in this circumstance I have no idea what that direction, that inspiration, that Word will look like. I only know this - to move forward without Him - is my downfall. And actually, I'm not stymied here in the waiting. I am blessed! Better is one day in the courts of God before Him - than a thousand elsewhere. So I am hanging out here - worshiping my God in today - with all that today is purposed to hold. And I will wait silently with MUCH HOPE. I know that I know that I know - what God has done. And I know that I know that I know - He is able to do much more than I could ever hope for or imagine...and so - I will wait.

Psalm 106:13 "...They forgot what He Had Done...and did not wait for His plan to unfold."
Psalm 106:13

Noah waited on God. Abraham, too - he waited. Moses waited. Esther waited. Jacob waited. Rahab waited. Joshua waited. Elijah waited. Isaiah waited. David waited. John waited. Mary waited. Joseph waited. Peter waited on God - and Paul he waited, too....and was it because they knew what it was like to move ahead without waiting. Perhaps. Perhaps indeed.

Have faith in God.

Amazing what I ask God for. The nerve of me, ya know? Amazing what I know and believe He is able to do. Amazing what I doubt, and never ask for. Amazing what I am not, and amazing what He has made me to be. For all of it - I am so dependent on Him. Like breathing. Like moving my hands across a keyboard. Like a worth while thought. He is my Creator. He is my God. He is my all. Do I really believe that?

I'm studying faith; faith that is not fully defined by Webster - because I did go there - and was left wanting;...faith that the Bible defines by those who moved in it. Distinct loyalty. Motivated by love and hope. I don't get it fully if at all. However, I am inspired as I watch it move on the pages of God's Word - literally come to life in my heart through the people He chose to demonstrate it...And sensing the fullness of it overflow from people to God's purposes - to the pages I read, and my own gift of life here and now - I do long for more of it... overflowing from person to purposes. So,I'm not sure understanding it is really the answer. However, I do know that asking for it - and receiving it - most definitely is. I have been given a gift, and with it I long to please God - by His design of it - by His design of me for it.

I read this morning in Mark 11, about how Jesus had cursed a fig tree that did not produce fruit. It did not do what it was designed to do - and it would never bear fruit again. Then Jesus arrived at the temple, and there it was being used as a market place - for the buying and selling of goods - not what it was designed to be. The temple was to be a house of prayer for the nations - and it was being used for self-profit. This resonates with me. - Believers are the temple of God...and what is our God intended purpose...("Go out and preach the gospel to all nations" - not self profit...) and how do we move in that? My heart hurts. Back to text I go. There's more to realize...Jesus was angered by the perversion of God's design. Upon leaving the city the disciples and Jesus passed by the fig tree that Jesus had cursed - and it was withered. The disciples were amazed by this display - this proof of power. Can you imagine your own reaction? You heard Jesus curse it - and then you saw it dead. I would have been flipping out. Cuz who does that?

Jesus is a wise teacher - and the path he takes with his students is laid with scaffolding of GREAT purpose.

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and do not doubt in your heart but believe that what you say will happen, it will be done for you. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins."

Now here is where I pulled up a chair with the Lord and I thought almost out loud alongside of Him in my family room. "Lord - why with such a great display of power - mountain thrusting - would you add that while I pray - I take on the task of forgiving - and also ask you to forgive me?" This is almost ludicrous in my mind. I mean - if I were standing there listening to you tell me I could take a mountain and throw it into the sea - I would be getting so fired up - pumped with power that I had actually watched you display in a small way on that fig tree... -I'd be up on my tiptoes ready to run and give it a try - and then you say - "if you hold anything against anyone - forgive them, so that my Father in heaven may forgive your sins." You just leveled me.

Silence.

That was indeed the point.

Mountain thrusting - purposeless in my design. And yet - this is what fired me up. My purpose is to live in relationship to others - and to God ... in love. He has given me this power - and yet, do I assert it at all - with any kind of belief - any kind of enthusiasm.

How silent the moment must have been that followed. Nothing is written of their response, but I felt it in my own heart. Faith from person - to purpose on the pages of the living Word- to me. The heels that were raised to run to the mountains - lowered slowly in humility when they considered the true task at hand. Forgiveness to be given. Forgiveness to be received.

What a teacher. What a great teacher. Will I have faith in God enough to forgive others - and to believe that He indeed has forgiven me? Will I move in that life giving - burden releasing - power surging faith on the very tips of my toes - believing and moving in that faith with great enthusiasm and power? This is my purpose. My mountain thrusting purpose in Christ.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength....Love your neighbor as yourself....You are not far from the kingdom of God." Mark 12:30, 31, 34

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, love - but the greatest of these is love." I Cor. 13:13

"We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work, produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that HE has CHOSEN you..." I Thessalonians 1:2-4

This is great faith.

wedding day

For Chrissy and Eddie on their wedding day…August 14, 2011

I John 4:16,18-19 says, “We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ..There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love – because He first loved us.

Perfect love: infinite, radical, genuine, supreme, unconditional, champion, incomparable, crowning, unrivaled, august– which means marked by majestic dignity.

This perfect love is what you have and hold – hand in hand, heart to heart, life to life – because of God.

He is love – and He is the source of perfect love – Jesus Christ – and you have Him.

You are in His love and everything about your lives reflects that perfect love is real, and it is possible – to see, and realize, to receive, and give away without hesitation. What a gift to witness in your lives - a picture of what our God has done for us: – Chosen. Pursued. United by a covenant. Forever in perfect love.

A love that is infinite – because this love’s wellspring and teacher is God…

A radical love that waits.

A genuine love that rejoices in you and for you.

A supreme love that is humble – and will seek to serve and not be served…to honor others -never self.

An unconditional love that will not get angry easily, or keep a list of wrongs.

A champion love that will protect your heart – your mind – your body – your covenant relationship.

An incomparable love that always trusts.

A crowning love that always hopes.

An unrivaled love that always perseveres. Forever in this love - an august love... August love – that never fails.