HindSight

I wonder. If someone would have shown me this picture when I was 18, would I have lived differently?

I am teaching my children that their choices will follow them. Their choices not only affect them, but their choices will ultimately affect everyone who loves them - everyone they love. This power can bring beauty or this power can bring destruction. I know, ultimately, they will see the magnificence of God's Word in their lives. We all will. I just pray this realization will come through their obedience to His Word, and not their rejection of it.

Love protects others from sin. Now, I see that truth so clearly - even in this black and white image of my daughter in my arms - I see a thousand choices I made in my long ago yesterday that did not protect her, I see the redemption of God that secures her in spite of me, and I see the choices ahead of me tomorrow that will protect my child - and her children after her.

In a time when marriage is a joke - when people are a toss away based on a fleeting emotion such as happiness - my heart ACHES for the truth of happily ever after in our God. Oh please, oh please, with me - place your family picture before you daily. See deeply into the outlines of your faces, the scenery surrounding you - the smiles. BEYOND the image we behold is the security, the peace, THE LOVE, and the blessings of God through His Word.  He alone holds life together. He alone is our bond, and He alone teaches us what it is to love and be loved.  THIS understanding is our only hope.

With you, my friend, I choose God, and in doing so we choose AMAZING good for those in our lives that we love now - AND those we have yet to love. Can you imagine that? Is that not incredible, or what?!?!

What a gift! What a gift that God breathes insight into our limited understanding through the power of His living Word!

I read Proverbs 3 with my babes yesterday morning. I have their names written above it - and it's dated March 16th, 2009. I am not sure what was going on then, but that Proverb crossed my path and I chose to pray it and hope in it.  My son was 6 then; my daughter 8. Today - in 2012, they are well equipped with nouns and verbs and images that help them grasp on their own - to some degree - the RICH truth this Proverb holds.

For our marriages, for our children, for their children if God should be so willing to endure -
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man." Proverbs 3:3-4

What will this look like in your life today?
In my life - I will correct my children with a smile on my face and truth from God on my tongue. Even though I could look at them with dagger eyes in a second and spew words they have never heard or want to hear.
 His Word - His Way and not my impatience. FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I have kids! Ya know what I'm saying? God let me have kids! You too!! Congratulations, by the way!  Look at those babes of yours!!! They're fabulous!!!  I will not forget today - no matter how they fight, or argue with me about what I am asking them to eat - or do, OR what they ask me to do for them in the middle of what I consider important...(like right now they are in the bathtub in their swimsuits and they called me upstairs to ask for gummy vitamins. Puddle on the floor, jets blowing loudly, toys surrounding them... REALLY? YES! Really! TODAY I will not forget the image of my life beautifully, messily, crazily, miraculously intertwined in theirs! I GET TO BE A MOM to these two amazingly unique babes - whom I have dreamed of from the time I could hold a dolly and call it a name...I think I liked the name Joey and Annabelle. Hmmm. How I went to Kamryn and Kaden - I don't know. ANYWAY...

TODAY I will greet my husband with love and not exasperation. September is coming! I'm going to make it!I will listen more than I talk (adult conversation wanted!), and I will seek to serve and not be served even though I am really, really sick of cooking. Pinterest to the rescue with ideas!

I will fight for the love that is my life now. I lack no good thing, and I will stay out of books, communications (facebook,email,texting) and images that communicate otherwise. I get to be in love with Kemper Lewis today! And if I should die today I want him to say, "Laura was the love of my life!" Who wouldn't want that for their husband? WHO wouldn't want that for their own love life? We want THE LOVE OF A LIFETIME kind of love - and how is that possible without the power of a LOVING GOD? I mean seriously - a workout video and perfume only go so far - ya know what I'm sayin'? I love this man God blessed me to do life with. I never want to cause him pain. Not ever. I will bring him good all the days of his life - and so today - that will be a hug around the neck, a smile just for him, frosted brownies and tacos! And yeah - I'll work out tomorrow. Today -...didn't get that done. It's okay, though... TOMORROW!!!You're with me, right?

We are so stinkin' rich, aren't we? Indeed. Praying we don't miss it - not one. tiny. glistening. toes, and fingers, curls, and tiny teeth, strong arms and loud footsteps down the hall - not one ounce.

"Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding. For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, and her gain than fine gold." Proverbs 3:13-14

Hindsight.

And now - I'm going to clean the tub that my children so kindly have invited our dog to bathe in with them. Nice. I'll be sure to take pictures. And laugh.

I can if I want to.

The question is - why do I want to?

Ya know what I'm saying? The MOTIVE of my heart! Ugh!!! so not good so many times! And in that knee jerk frustration REACTION of my skin, and bone, and muscle I want to scream, "OK! BUT I CAN IF I REALLY WANT TO!"

Indeed. I can. But I don't. Not that I don't want to...I SO DO! But there's a part of me that would never fully enjoy that choice.

'"I have the right to do anything", you say - but not everything is beneficial.' I Corinthians 6:12

How amazing to me that you and I - who love Jesus - are indwelt by His Spirit that leads us! There's no law that is scripted out that says, "THOU SHALT NOT..." for every little thing that crosses my path or yours. And even if there were, we'd talk ourselves around the issue any way, wouldn't we? Sure we would! So then, there's no law list - there's the Spirit of the Living God thriving in our soul! Our Father - who whispers to us lovingly what is for our good - and what is not. Which freaks me out entirely! How can I type that without going, "What did I just say?" I couldn't type it, read it, believe it - were it not for a thousand countless moments of realizing it were true. Waking up to the voice of our God in my heart, directing me to live for Him, and not for my "I CAN IF I WANT TO" ideas, is incredulous - and yet the greatest reality I have ever known.

You know what I'm saying, right? And it's not even that the "I CAN IF I WANT TO" stuff is sin, so much as it is not for our - intimate relationship with God - good. I have these kind of directions for my own children, and so I relate to them with my God.

My children are mine. I love them, speak to them, guide them, instruct them, correct them, specifically and individually according to who they are as my own; how I know them, see them, hear them, understand them, protect them, provide for them, and hope for them. My relationship to them is unique - set apart - from other children...because they are mine, and because I know them. I do not speak to other children as I do my own - nor do I have the same expectations of other children. My children know what I have said to them, how I love them, and that we have a bond that cannot be broken. They respond to me because of that.

And in the same light - my relationship to my son - is different than my relation ship to my daughter. They are unique to me - and so is my love to them. Same momma - same heart - different expression of that heart to each child; - not in everything, but in some things... One likes to be hugged. The other likes to have a back scratch. One likes to spend time talking doing very little. The other likes to spend time with me doing lots, talking little. One likes to play. The other likes to do crafts. One has a physical aversion to dairy. The other does not. Both like ice cream. Yeah! I know! Different children - same momma seeking to love them well, so that they KNOW they are loved.

This is just a fumbling of words to express the intimacy of God's Spirit in us. Morning by morning we seek His Word - His guidance - His voice - His heart - His plans. He speaks to all of us, and although there are many directions that are consistent for each of us, by His instruction  - some directions are not. The hand has different instructions from the foot, the heart has different instruction from the brain, and the eye has different instruction from the ear. The same head is over all, but the instructions, guidance, provision, and the relationship to each is completely unique.

I wrap my heart around this picture to understand then what it means when I read, "You shall be named the priests of the Lord, (men) shall call you the servants of our God." Isaiah 61:1

I have to question? Me ,God? Is this a direction to me, to all of us who follow you? Or is this something specific to the tribe of Levi, per say - or to Jesus? WHO is this instruction given to? And what does that look like if it is to me?

The word "priest" takes me on a journey with God through His Word. And I land, most comfortably, with peace, and yet still - at full attention...on this verse "As you come to Him, the LIVING STONE, rejected by humand beings but chosen by God and precious to Him - you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."
I Peter 2:4

We are called to be a royal priesthood. I am stirred and yet I need to be still. What is that to look like in me? I can't look to you for that answer, nor can you look to me. We must look to our God who is the One who calls some to build arks, others to move to a place they do not know; some to missions across the ocean, others to serve the widow next door. Each of us is directed by ONE God, so that together with One voice we can bring Him glory.

"I can if I want to" sounds very small and arrogant, doesn't it?  There is more to us than what we can do if we want to. There is the Living God in us - Who, although He CAN if He wants to a million times over - He did not - and still does not - and never will - so that we can know a new and better and living Way.

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10 "The temple of God is holy, which temple you are." I Cor. 3:17

Get over IT.

I hate that phrase."GET OVER IT" opposes the reason why I love my God so passionately. I cannot get over my past - even my present mistakes. I seek my God IN the midst of my mistakes. He speaks to me from His Word concerning every issue - every thought - every deed, and I hear Him. This is my eye to eye - heart to heart - one on one - with Jesus that endears me to my Savior. I do not get over that.

I get Luke 7:36-50, where a woman - who is described simply as a woman "who lived a sinful life", comes before Jesus crying. She is in the home of a Pharisee - a teacher of the Law - who would have condemned her without blinking, and yet she humbly moves past him to the feet of Jesus. There she cries and kisses his feet, washing them with her tears and drying them with her hair.

The Pharisee is disgusted. But Jesus rebukes him, lovingly. Jesus, instead of identifying her sin - he focuses on her adoration. He said to the indignant Pharisee - "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I Entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell, you, her many sins have been forgiven - as her great love has shown."

Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven...Your faith has saved you; go in peace." 


Jesus did not say, "Get over it." What he told her was she had been forgiven because of her faith in Him - and that she could have peace; - no more heartache.

Do you think she ever "got over" this encounter with her Savior? Yeahhhh - I'm thinkin' NO. You don't get over grace. You move - forward- in it with much love. I do not dwell on the past - but live intentionally for Jesus because of my past. My past does not leave me stymied - but rather catapults my understanding of God's love and favor each day. Pitfalls are avoided because of light and understanding. Are they not?

I woke with much JOY over God's truth that filled my heart on July 8th, 2012. Can I share it with you? My hope is that you will know this joy, too.

"Forget the former things: do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" (CATAPULT!!)...I, even I am HE who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
Isaiah 43:18, 25

My heart to heart, eye to eye, one on one - with my God today - of all days; He speaks to me.He speaks to you. Do you hear Him? Oh please hear Him.

Happy Anniversary.

On July 7, 1962 my mom and dad were married. So today - would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. Despite the fact that a car accident interrupted his life with hers here on earth - I am still celebrating this anniversary. They never divorced, and I am certain - they never would have.

He loved her. She loved him. They committed to one another - to their marriage - no matter what.

Not so true of marriages today. Are you engaged? Are you married? Congratulations! You have a 40% chance of making it! I wouldn't even bet on those odds. Why do we give up on our commitment to love - until death  parts us?

When you look at a family that is broken...you see just that - lives shattered. What was so worth it? And what really confuses me - is that people divorce and remarry, like another life will be so much different, so much better...Really? Another marriage will defy the 40/60 odds? Because why??? Oh wait, because it isn't a human you're re-marrying??? 

Not so. Not so. People marry, divorce, remarry, divorce...and it goes on and on and sometimes still on.
I have one divorce in my past...and I am remarried, and yes my husband is human. AND I NEVER, EVER, NO. NOT. EVER. want to go through divorce - EVER - again.

Where is hope? Is there such a thing as a marriage that will last, and not even just last - but one that will thrive in love?

My hope is not in my spouse - but in Christ in my spouse. My husband fights for his relationship to our God - and he fights for his relationship with me. His love for me remains passionate - because his love for God is ferocious. He never settles for mediocrity. I am grateful, so much so - that I too, embrace this fight with him.

Happily ever after does not fall into place because you simply love one another. Happily ever after is a choice with strong intention and powerful determination - every single day, and YES that means even if you still love to kiss and hold hands. Cuz BigDaddy and I still do... ohyeahwedo!

In our marriages - (I'm rooting for you! with you!!! counting on Christ in you!!!) we will continue to fall in love when we let go of what we think that should look like, and pursue the unseen God. Loving one another is not a natural, pretty course - it's an obstacle course, a sweaty one at that! - and for as many mud pits that you and I may have to go through with our spouses - there will also be incredible pinnacles of beauty. The journey is exciting, challenging, and intense; filled with joy, laughter, tears, and sacrifice. Nothing compares to the beauty of this fight. Nothing. You know it's true! You feel it! Don't you? That is the hope of God in you!

If you are engaged, if you are married, if you are divorced and intend to be remarried...you  have been blessed to enter into a lasting covenant . Understanding this holy realm and KNOWING the God who is this bond with you - is critical to our love story. I Corinthians 13. Ephesians 5.

Wishing you every blessing in your marriage journey, and a happy anniversary - every single day.

It is a gift to be in love and to remain there.

"Truly our fellowships is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ." I John 1:3
"Everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." I John 3:2
"None of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself." Romans 14:7

Still falling!

Love. Who Gets it?

While I feel like I have so much to say, the more I read...the more I realize I have very little to add, and so much less I fully understand well enough to script my own love life, let alone an explanation of it on paper.

I'm reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, and it makes my head and heart hurt. Who on earth can pen like this man? His thoughts are astoundingly challenging, and the way he writes is unparalleled. My reasons for reading Lewis are always to learn and to be challenged. I leave him very humbled and silent, yet still longing to process with my own fumbling words and hungry heart.

Recently my husband and I spoke at our college group about love, sex, and relationships. Quite a challenge to say the least - but truly our heartbeat for this generation. While preparing for this series, I learned one of the most powerful truths about love I have ever realized. I was deep in study - between John 14, 15, and I Corinthians 13, Genesis, Ruth, Galatians...I ran from Old Testament to the New Testament to hear from God on love. What I came away with was more than I had ever considered, and more than my heart was ready to bear.

Even though I have not finished hearing from C.S. Lewis on the matter, I am certain that what I have studied from him and other authors, at this point anyway, aligns with what God has spoken so beautifully - so subtly - and yet so very clearly to open hearts and minds.

The lesson is simply this: Love protects others from self.

I Corinthians 13 spins the reflection of self toward the image of God. For every way in which we could choose ourselves, there is a choice for others - which is ultimately the image of our God.

Love is patient. Love is kind. And so on... The opposite of any of these is a selfish course. Consider what you hate. You hate what opposes you, correct? How arrogant our hate, is it not? Hate is complete in its self direction.

Just consider the stance we take when we declare hate toward someone or something. YOU dare to oppose me?  Remember that heated argument with your spouse? Or better still, how about that moment when your child shouted "NO!" in your face. Remember that feeling that erupted in your gut? And how about the thoughts that raced through your mind? Isn't the root of all of that churning and burning simply SELF? Of course it is. True - there is righteous anger, but I doubt your memory drew for you such an image just now.

Like the pain of childbirth, so the course of love: self surrendered - in anguish - as we literally die to what we once were, so that someone else can live - in love. Romans 6 "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him."

I'm trying so hard to understand this, and yet in my understanding I realize I really don't get love. God help us know you! Help us know love! "The unfolding of your word gives light. It gives understanding to the simple." Psalm 119:130

How amazing, then, that God should love the world! How much more vivid is His humility in coming to us as one of us! We are born opposed to God, and yet He loved us despite our defiance, and even GREATER still - He loves us in our defiance. What love!

 Love protects others from self. God so loved the world that He gave of Himself - His Son - for the Life of Spirit in Flesh, to protect us - from what we could never bear of Him - apart from Him..

"Abide in me, and I in you." John 15. Greater love has no one - than to lay down his life for his friends. Love does not consider self, but rather exists for the purpose of  life for others. The Triune God is love.

SELF-SEEKING. Baby, I was born THIS way: seeking self, and nurtured in a world of self seekers.

To Love is only of God, and to be able to love as God defines love is a gift of His Spirit. I Corinthians 13.Our Creator's image is a map embossed on our eternal souls, and His Son is the way to repair that image in our self driven flesh. Romans 3.

The road is narrow that leads to a love life, and few are those who find it. Matthew 7.

I'll end with a note from C.S. Lewis that still has me spinning in wonder. Join me, will you?

"Is it easy to love God?" asks an old author. "It is easy," he replies, "to those who do it." I have included two Graces under the word Charity. But God can give a third. He can awake in man, towards Himself, a super-natural Appreciative love. This is of all gifts the most to be desired. Here, not in our natural loves, nor even in ethics, lies the true centre of all human and angelic life. With this all things are possible. And with this, where a better book would begin, mine must end. I dare not proceed. God knows, not I, whether I have ever tasted this love. Perhaps I have only imagined the tasting. those like myself whose imagination far exceeds their obedience are subject to just penalty; we imagine conditions far higher than we have really reached. - The Four Loves -

Summer Joy

 Joy that summer brings:

1. flip flop tan lines
2. neighbors who come out to play
3. coffee outside in the morning
4. open window breezes
5. birds
6. sprinklers
7. the smell of sunscreen
8. rainbows
9. the drive in
10. fireflies
11. car wash in the driveway
12. chalk drawings
13. hide-n-seek in the dark
14. slides and swings
15.  long walks
16. looking for bats at night
17. ice cream cones
18. barbeque
19. blow up pool
20. flowers
21. green leaves
22. bumblebees
23. white baseball pants with red dirt stains
24. softball ribbons
25. fireworks
26. lemonade
26. homemade strawberry jam
27. water balloons
28. the blue heron
29. butterflies
30. swimming
31. sleep overs
32. camping
33. smores
34. sleeping in
35. staying up late
36. natural blonde hair
37.  the beach
38. the waterfront
39. freeze tag
40. book clubs

I could go on and on and on with JOY found in the summer time...with you.

Footprint

When you look back at your life, do you remember yourself in places that you wish you'd never gone? Are there relationship scars in your memory that you wish you could erase from your heart? "If only I would have..." are words that seer my thinking often when I turn to look at who I once was, who I hurt, and the places I went where I should have never been. Regret is a harsh teacher, Jesus is not.

In 14 years of college ministry at The Chapel at CrossPoint, I have spoken with countless young women who are burdened with the guilt of their mistakes...wrong decisions that cost them more than they could afford. Why don't we realize that what feels like the freedom to choose SELF is really a lifetime sentence of guilt? Nothing declares to me more boldly that we were created in the image of God, than the excruciating ache of despair in the midst of our self driven choices. In their tears, in their pain - I encourage every broken girl with the truth that God's image is imbedded in her. If that were not true, she would not sense His Spirit urging her to turn to Him.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you are there...Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting."
Psalm 139:7-9,23-24

The guilt I have felt is a gift of God's Spirit leading me to Himself. I do not look back with tears of regret, but tears of awe and wonder now overwhelm me because I realize the GREAT love that pursued me into the heights of my arrogance; down in  the depths of my selfish pursuits, and never let me go.

"Great is Thy Faithfulness, Oh God - My Father. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. All Thou has been Thou forever wilt be."

Vintage small groups are reading Psalm 119:97-112 today for our Bible study. We read independently - the same Scripture - all week long and then discuss what God has taught us when we get together after Vintage on Tuesday. I love being in step with these young women! God has used the gift of mentoring to spur me on in my relationship with Him. Their faces - their names on my heart - are a tool that God uses  to remind me - young hearts are hoping in Christ in me. I cannot see His face - but I can see theirs. I look to them, and I see He is present. God knows how we need one another to grow forward. I can't help but wonder where I would be without the young women God has placed in my life.

So this morning, as I read this Psalm, joy filled my heart. I had to write. I just had to.

"Oh how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long!" God has poured joy for His Word over the sorrow of my regret apart from Him.

"I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path." Passion for what will destroy me, keeps me running toward my God.

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." My parents no longer hold that lantern, as it was for me in my childhood. I have chosen to reach for the Word of God every day. 

"I have taken an oath and confirm it, that I will follow your righteous laws." This oath is to me more vital than the vows of my marriage, because it holds me in love to every relationship - everything that is dear to me, so that I will not cause pain.

"Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end." This is my fight song. For Jesus who freely gave Himself that I might live a  Kingdom life  with ZEAL. Holy Spirit, you are IN ME!

Grateful this morning to inhale and exhale Truth with my Vintage Babes.

Choices are waiting to be made for King Jesus today - that need not be lost in self - but can be found - like a footprint on a lighted garden path.