I want more.

Have you ever heard someone offer a strong word of encouragement, teaching, or correction and leave that word with you unsupported by a foundation of truth? Truth being the Word of God. Or have you heard someone offer a strong word of encouragement, teaching, or correction and USE the Word of God - but use it completely out of context? I have - often, in fact - I have heard myself do it. YUK!

So do you JUST want a verse with that?

I want more. I need more. Don't just give me the verse. Don't just give me the context. I need the voice of our God walking me through this learning in the ONE on ONE relationship I get to have with Him in this life - By His Spirit.

Even. Even. EVEN your best logic cannot surpass the VOICE of God through His Word in our decision making. You know? Well this is right - because__________. This is wrong because____________. That way of thinking cannot compare to The Word of God that teaches us wisdom beyond reason.

Abraham left his family to go where God would lead him. I should do it then, right?

Rahab lied about the spies she was hiding. I should do it then, right?

David had more than one spouse. I should do it then, right?

Paul remained single. I should do it then, right?

Paul also made a vow and shaved off his hair to mark the end of it. I should do it then, right?

My friends are going to Israel. I should do it then, right?

Some of my friends are going on a missions trip to the Dominican. I should do it then, right?

My doctor prescribed me pills to calm my nerves when flying in an airplane. I should do it then, right?

What does God want me to do in this life that I have been given FOR HIS PURPOSES to bring Him glory?

Right. Wrong. Everything in the way we live is not about a law. Everything in the way we live is about glorifying God. And God will not leave us without His help, His instruction, His Spirit to guide us. Will we seek Him? He will answer. And we will not always feel good about the response. We will, however, be blessed. Romans 8.

How critical then is the pivotal point on which we turn our lives to God - embrace - and serve Christ! I Thessalonians 1:9. Our responsibility as hearers and doers of the Word does not rest exclusively on the teacher, although, ABSOLUTELY, our teachers hold great purpose in our learning, which is why James said not many should want to be teachers (James 3:1). To whom much is given - MUCH MUCH MORE is required (Luke 12:48). Jesus was speaking of the Word given to the Servant by His Master. Read this when you get a chance - the whole context of it Luke 12. And ask God to show you wonderful things from this passage. He will. Because in TRUTH - as it was and always will be - the most critical point in our learning - and life change - life purpose - is based on our own relationship with the Father - who is faithful to teach us HIMSELF - when we seek Him with our whole heart, our whole mind, and all of our strength (Deut. 4:29).

Deuteronomy 4! Oh my soul, please study this chapter. How clear the love of the Father - to His people - to us - as He speaks through Moses about how obedience to God's laws shows WISDOM and understanding to the nations. And Moses - who heard for HIMSELF - the voice of God was not allowed to enter the promised land because he did not obey what God spoke to him. "From heaven he made you hear his voice to discipline you...because He loved you." Deuteronomy 4:36-37

God has not left us without a way to hear His voice. The commands were not enough. They were not intended to be - only a teacher to help us process - synthesize - how lost we are without the way of Christ, the voice of the Spirit, the Life of our eternal God.

I make no decision based on my own feelings, my own understanding, my own ability. This was my past, and this way of living was my greatest downfall. Jesus has taught me a new way of life; LIFE that is in Him. To Follow Him - what He would do; to listen to His Voice of Truth spoken by the Spirit; to experience full life that I was made to realize.

Every decision that breeds opportunity to glorify God in my skin - in my life as a whole - whatever I eat, drink or whatever I do - I do it all with one thought...WILL THIS GLORIFY GOD? I Corinthians 10:31 AND that answer - THAT answer - does not - could not - will not EVER. EVER. come from me.

Hear me softly, and low before you, and in love - The question is not: IS IT RIGHT? NOT: IS IT WRONG. That way of thinking is NOT consistent with the whole Word of God. Consider not just the law - but the Spirit of the Law. The Spirit of the Law speaks to the truth that we are not our own. The Spirit of the Law says I do not act without consideration of THE KING - the ONE my life represents and is subject to. The Spirit of the Law expresses this life is not about me.

So, consider not just the teachings of Moses that were given to point to our sinful nature and need of a Savior. I don't even keep ALL of those - do you? Do you honestly keep the Sabbath as was taught by God through Moses in the book of Exodus? (31:14-15, 35:2-3) Jesus didn't even keep the Sabbath according to Jewish law! (Luke 13) He directed us to the Spirit of the Law. Consider the totality of the teachings of Christ who said, "The Spirit will lead you in all truth. He speaks not on His own; - (even the Spirit of God does not go with his gut - how he feels - how he thinks!) He will speak only what He hears, and He will tell you what is to come. He will glorify ME because it (TRUTH) is from me that He will receive and make known to you." John 16:13-14...yeah - I'm asking you to check out that whole passage, too. You'll love it...and if you really want a great study time on this whole idea of being led by the Spirit of God start at chapter 14 and read to chapter 17. Then follow Jesus from His point of arrest in John 18 and the few words God directed him to speak before Pilate. You won't be able to stop there because the Spirit of God remained with Him as He was crucified, and would not release Him until it was finished..."With that he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." John 19:30. Spirit way. Spirit truth. Spirit life. And that life got up from the grave in 3 days! Yeah. You'll want to read on.

As I process all the significance of the gift of Christ - the Spirit of God in my life on this earth until death, and then up from the grave - the significance of having His Word in my heart - memorized - familiar to me moment by moment - as familiar as a recipe we have been nourished by for years, or the way to my mother's house where love is always found ... I am moved to tears. I want more than just a verse. I want the voice of God - speaking to me directly - so that my resolve to live for God - IS CHRIST. Philippians 1:21. Christ alone. Not what I think is right. Not what I think is wrong. But The Savior who is neither. I want to reflect the Savior who is THE GREAT I AM.

I am so Grateful you are with me. It is a gift to worship Him with you. Please pray for me. I struggle in this stuff called flesh. I will pray for you, too. God is faithful. And oh so patient! We will hear Him - and we do hear Him - for His purposes. "'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be MY WITNESSES in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth'....this Jesus who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back..." Acts 1:7-11

The bold and the beautiful.

Do you watch Miss America? Crazy beauty, right? Just... wow.

I used to hate to watch Miss America when I was little. I can remember sitting on my best friend's couch with our eyes focused on the t.v. and aching over the beauty of those women - the beauty that I, myself, did not possess. Jealousy gurgled and surged through my veins. Critical self examination loomed and pervaded for weeks. No matter what I put on, did, imitated, I could not be perfect beauty - ever.

So, with complete dissatisfaction in myself - my broken inward gaze glared outward to find fault in others. My goal: How can I make ME feel better about ME??? The hope of finding one thing wrong with a woman who possessed the gift of perfect beauty was born in those adolescent days. I would never feel good about me unless I could find something - ANYTHING - wrong with the beautiful girl. But this wasn't something I could share with anyone - talk about - get help with. I had to hide it; - I had to struggle to keep that inner ache as quiet as possible, because how ugly - right? UNLESS - hmmmm...unless someone else had the same sick parasite that I did. THEN - I knew it was safe to reveal my own. All it would take was one whisper of criticism toward another person - and I could exhale the poison that was brewing in my own mind and heart. That poison in our heart always finds a way out. Doesn't it? Why? It was never meant to be there.

Truth #1. "So God created human beings in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female created He them." Genesis 1:27

Adolescents grow up and our parasites grow with us. The "ME" poison just gets expressed differently. I used to think how easy and small were the sins of my youth. The consequences of lying, cheating, being disrespectful to my parents, or talking about a beautiful girl behind her back, as was my adolescent carnage; - these sins seemed so small compared to getting drunk, stealing, or having sex before I was married. Not so. Not so. The consequences of living for myself, while visibly different, INTERNALLY - in the unseeen depths of the heart - the consequence for each expression of "ME" on this earth is the same. All are poison. All kill the soul. You with me? Same poison. Same consequence. Death.

Truth #2. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

The glory of God is life; life that sustains life. Holy. Perfect. Life. We were created in that image. Can you even imagine? Life that seeks to sustain life. Life that only wants LIFE for someone else. That I could live for the purpose of helping someone else live...BOLD - beautiful thought. But ummm....yeah - what is THAT life?

Truth 3#. "In HIM was life, and this life was the light of all men." John 1:4

Jesus is the picture of Life. What it looked like to provide, heal, nourish, socialize, rescue, encourage, instruct, correct, rebuke, forgive, and die to self for others. He is the way, the truth, THE LIFE.

The image of Jesus is what we were meant to know, BE, and extend. But somehow the fullness of the image of Jesus drowns in Me poison. How can I give up Me to live for you? Life apart from ME thoughts - ME motivations. Only. YOU. So that what flows from me - has nothing to do with me - but only extending JESUS - LIFE - to you. AND how is it possible for someone to receive THAT from us??? Because seriously - even Jesus had skeptics. Is the person we are loving - the person we are trying to breathe LIFE into - gonna choke on our efforts - because SERIOUSLY??? Aren't they really thinking, "YOU are going to love ME without an agenda???

HOW is LIFE in Jesus possible? I'm dying here under thoughts of failure! I see the breakdown and hear the breakdown...everywhere!!! AND I AM GUILTY of this breakdown.

You might be thinking, Laura Lewis! Get a grip!!! I do have a grip. I have a grip on the heart that was before me Monday night at Panera. My grip is around a beautiful girl who spoke to me of the church family she has separated herself from. We were talking about love on the heels of Valentine's day - and how to love others well. The conversation turned to how she is not loved - by believers especially. "No one wants good things for me. Everyone is waiting for me to fail." And I just ache. The beautiful girl. The girl who has a beautiful life. She is aching for love. My heart begins to crack. A knot curls up in my stomach. I would love to SMASH that window of condemnation that I, MYSELF, have often stood in front of to size up someone else for no. good. reason.

"But I want good things for you!" I told her through tears that well up in my eyes as I realize I WAS among the girls that sought to find failure in the beautiful ones. And I KNOW - I could be that infected girl again in a minute if I gave into the concocted POISON of:
sassy shoe,
purse,
new house,
perfect skin,
hard body,
dream vacation,
YOUTH,
career,
or hair ENVY.

BUT here's the thing; I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be the little girl who hated watching Miss America - ANYMORE! The one who can find the littlest fault in the good bestowed on others. - I REFUSE to go for that poison anymore - I want to run from it. You're with me in this right? We want to stay clear of it with everything that God has taught us about what that running from ENVY looks like in our head, and in our heart, and with our tongue.

So, in this time with her - where I am so saddened by what she has experienced, I quickly consider that I am with her NOW - and I am her church family NOW - resurrected in new life - who has been forgiven and now hates the poison that seized me once upon a time, and who can see this poison clearly because it was MY OWN.

And so I realize... we get to Love out of the forgiveness we have been shown, out of the healing we have experienced. Out of who we were and who God has made us through those hard learning experiences. I get to be the poisoned - adolescent girl - healed.

And so I thought... BOLDLY tell her YOU LOVE HER!

And so I did! I most certainly did! And I got to tell her how sorry I am for the way she has been treated, on behalf of myself - and our church family, with all the honesty of who I was - my own guilt, and what God has done, and IS STILL doing in me daily to keep me from hurting others out of envy. AND in loving her - I don't need to put a tongue lashing beat down on everyone else who is causing pain - because I AM EVERYONE ELSE! I am capable of wrong all the time. SO, out of love for those who failed her, who are forgiven just as I am, I need to love the heart that is in front of me - without any kind of ME poison spewing out about anyone or anything.

We get to LOVE freely, exhaling alll the POISON concocted of self. That poison in us - in others - has been forgiven - once and for all - totally absorbed on the cross. What a gift to be given His Spirit, in place of that poison, that teaches us His Way. His Truth. His Life, AND that bears tasty, juicy, succulent fruit - fruit that will last to SUSTAIN LIFE.

My words fall way short of what my heart is locked in on. Extend what we have been given - extend what we realize IS NOW and HAS BEEN grace to us. Extend it one heart at a time. God is faithful to penetrate the heart. He does it. He has done it. He will never stop. Ever.

Truth #4. Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

May we be so bold. so beautiful.

Pulling up weeds.

Going inward is a lonely place isn't it? And yet we run there so quickly don't we? I think we actually beam ourselves there in the speed of light - no sassy footwear needed. And I think we do it so quickly and so habitually - that we don't realize this inward lonely place has become our frequent watering hole. Expecting to find something refreshing with which to wash down our woes, we run inside our own thoughts of why it is so bad for us, why it isn't for someone else, and what could we ever possibly do to change those circumstances. Actually, that last thought about trying to change our circumstances - THAT one would only come on maybe a half bad day - like maybe the circumstances stunk, but at least your hair turned out okay, right? Cuz usually - from an inward view - .there's just plumb. no. way. out. Are you feeling like a dark cloud is hovering right about now? Yeah - let's get out of here!

My mom - a bright ray of sunshine on any day - said something to me once upon a tear filled day when I ran to her hoping to have my wounds nursed - but instead got some hard truth to suck on.

She said, "Laura Jean - (that means this is serious) , it is always better to work in someone else's garden."

"What? What was that? You've got to be kidding me right now. You're going to talk to me about weed pulling for someone else when I have this gargantuan vine of thorns around my neck just sucking all 26 years of life out of me?"

"Yes, dear. I am."

I left. I couldn't take anymore of her metaphors - because well -in truth - she had said all I needed to hear. I was feeling so sorry for myself - and what I really needed to do - was focus on another person's circumstances and try to make life lovely for them. I hate when she is right. And then again - I count on it.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." - Jesus before he went into the Garden of Gethsemane to pray for you and me.

Outward focus. SO loud and clear, and yet we miss it. "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.(husband, mother, siblings, mother-in-law, children, neighbor, room mate, co-workers... - all included)" John 15. That's love we get to live in. walk in. soak up. and give away.

Growing in truth with you. And grateful I get to.